How to deal with people tasking you

[Peter6234]

So one thing I sometimes get which is kind of annoying is when people hand me tasks to do - often people who are not in any sort of position of authority over me.

Often when it happens there's an odd vibe to it like there are loads of other people they could have asked or they could have done it themselves, but they have gone out of their way to task you and it feels like there's a power struggle going on and they are trying to one-up you by giving compliance requests and establish themselves as a leader. Now refusing all compliance requests looks a bit socially awkward, but accepting and doing it feels wrong. I see this a lot more with women who are controlling, but sometimes I see it from guys too

I find asking them to justify the request kind of ruins the vibe and sends it to more of an argumentative domain - and it feels like if you're asking them to justify it and it's clearly some sort of power struggle but you accept their reasons and comply anyway, that you've lost some sort of frame battle. Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

[Razorjack]

I would personally tell them I don't have time as I'm swamped with other tasks and it may take a long time before I can get to their tasks.

If they insist then I tell them fine but as I said it may take a while before I can start on them.

I would then simply NOT do their tasks. When they come asking for it, say I'm too busy I haven't got to them yet, maybe next week. If they come back next week, still busy maybe the week after. Wash, rinse, repeat.

After a few iterations they get the hint and will stop asking.

 

[Bastian]

I would personally tell them I don't have time as I'm swamped with other tasks and it may take a long time before I can get to their tasks.

^ this

I used to think slow during my first "real" job (not counting one-off gigs, some bs part-time, and family jobs). Too much thinking about my next step. I'd be deliberating 2 options until someone else says "do this"... and it's something I was thinking of doing. Or something I didn't know if it would be step 1 or step 5 in my workflow.

I hated dealing with that. Because they're things need to be done NOW.

Can you guess what I did?

I got faster. I just started working or communicating better in ambiguous situations. I don't look lost. Doesn't mean I won't stop and rest and kick the shit and take it slow sometimes.

When people do this, they are either explicitly trying to one-up you -- for this I call them out on it, or give them negative energy if they're trying to be authoritative. OR they think you're not up to speed. Which means something in your behavior is causing this (like what I experienced).

Like in my example, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I find asking them to justify the request kind of ruins the vibe

You're right. Leaders don't need to ask "Why?" from their followers. Children do.

"Pick up your room."

"Why?"

"It's messy and we're leaving soon."

"Why?"

"Grandpa & grandma are waiting for us."

"Why?"

repeat ad nauseam

Not the best strategy to raise children but makes a good example, lol

If it's something like your social circle, then know where you stand. Know where they stand. And just use social awareness. If you're missing this, it'll guarantee you to pick up some.
Either get mad*, tell them do it yourself, laugh at them. Tell them you're doing it only because slightly embarrassing/weak thing about them here then either stop midway or even be unhelpful if they fight back. You don't have to be an asshole, it could even be a light tease, but it has to be a stronger frame.

Don't say some stupid shit like picking up something for someone who wears glasses, because they can't see. That doesn't matter whatsoever, lmao. Now someone with back/hip problems (maybe surgery, maybe a new workout) but asks like a cunt? Fair game my friend >

*More like indignant. Look at them like "you're crazy", say "What?" in the same tone. And walk away. Did this once to a bitty, and she later shared her meal with me. Haha

 

[The Emerald Archer]

@Peter6234

You might want to take a gander at this article on turning down compliance requests:

• How to Say No to Others and Turn Down Compliance

It describes exactly how to deal with these types of situations.