How to deal with people who are your equals giving unneeded advice in an attempt to look like a “leader”?

[Kaida]

The title pretty much says it all. I run into this problem a lot. I just want to know 3 things:

1) What do do when the advice is helpful (so I don’t look like a follower that just does what they say)

2) What to do when they order me to do something I’m already doing

3) What to do when people give unhelpful positive advice like “do better” or “try harder”.

I know some people do this genuinely, and that’s fine. But what do I do to shut them down whenever it’s obvious they’re doing it just to gain status over me?

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Kaiderman dude! If the advice is helpful you thank someone or show appreciation. Great leaders take advice, especially from someone more experienced or with greater knowledge in something. Yes it's validating someone, your complimenting them but you're rewarding good behaviour. If you're high value you look considerate and humble, both are good qualities.

Number 2 is a shit test, you can roll your eyes or ignore them. Judging from a previous post this is playing games with friends? Talk shit, yeah cause I didn't think of that dude! In an ironic tone. Question it, what does it look like I'm doing? Get your eyes tested!/are you blind? Take the piss - good thinking batman! Tell them if they had a brain they'd be dangerous. Compliment there commentating skills Haha. Depending on your relationship with them and the situation something witty works.

Number 3 is another test but you can laugh and make a joke - be better? I didn't think of that!
The try harder line - laugh and tell him it's only a game
Alternatively tell them to tell you how. Great advice, why don't you tell me. It's your tone and vibe that'll carry this.
Just laugh and joke about how terrible you are. If you're not bothered with a couldn't give a fuck attitude it means nothing, you're not bothered and they don't hold a better frame. Reframe it if you have to and tell them they meant to say you were awesome. I do this with girls I'll tease them until they tell me they hate me in a playful tone, then I'l say you love me? You're so lovely. They'll argue that's not what they said but they're laughing they're super turned on. Misquoting people is funny dude I self amuse with it. Same as taking what they said out of context

 

[Kaida]

@Kaiderman dude! If the advice is helpful you thank someone or show appreciation. Great leaders take advice, especially from someone more experienced or with greater knowledge in something. Yes it's validating someone, your complimenting them but you're rewarding good behaviour. If you're high value you look considerate and humble, both are good qualities.

Number 2 is a shit test, you can roll your eyes or ignore them. Judging from a previous post this is playing games with friends? Talk shit, yeah cause I didn't think of that dude! In an ironic tone. Question it, what does it look like I'm doing? Get your eyes tested!/are you blind? Take the piss - good thinking batman! Tell them if they had a brain they'd be dangerous. Compliment there commentating skills Haha. Depending on your relationship with them and the situation something witty works.

Number 3 is another test but you can laugh and make a joke - be better? I didn't think of that!
The try harder line - laugh and tell him it's only a game
Alternatively tell them to tell you how. Great advice, why don't you tell me. It's your tone and vibe that'll carry this.
Just laugh and joke about how terrible you are. If you're not bothered with a couldn't give a fuck attitude it means nothing, you're not bothered and they don't hold a better frame. Reframe it if you have to and tell them they meant to say you were awesome. I do this with girls I'll tease them until they tell me they hate me in a playful tone, then I'l say you love me? You're so lovely. They'll argue that's not what they said but they're laughing they're super turned on. Misquoting people is funny dude I self amuse with it. Same as taking what they said out of context

Yo! Thanks for the amazing advice. I’m getting on with my friends in a few minutes so I’m going to be applying these right away lol.


There’s actually one more situation that I need help dealing with:

4) What to do when people order you to do something that’s neither good or bad like move over or sit down.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Kaiderman dude! Number 4 depends a lot on context and who's asking, you can highlight how socially un graceful they are by saying cause you asked so nicely, in an unbothered slightly patronising tone then slowly moving. It also helps if you pause before answering. In a similar tone you can highlight lack of manners by saying please. In sub context you're questioning who they are to make orders, and pointing out there's a better way to communicate. If you decide to do this one you need to lead by example if you have to tell them to move or do it in a more calibrated way.

Think, can you scoot down a bit? Is much better asking them for space to sit than saying move. You wouldn't tell a date to move on the first date, you'd say scoot over here/come here or imply by saying I can't hear you or tapping your ear. I done this without even knowing in night clubs if I couldn't hear I'd tap my ear and they'd lean in closer, job done. Compliance straight away.

With your friends you'll probably see more of this uncalibrated behaviour. You usually take the piss out of each other so you can again take it as a shit test and ignore it, if they say it again ask if they were talking to you. Almost like you don't acknowledge shit behaviour. They'll only fuck up a couple of times before realising you don't comply to someone acting like a dick.

If this is a girl you could make it playful, she's decided to challenge you so challenge back you either ignore that behaviour as above, question her social grace as above or tell her to make you. This has to be said playfully with a smirk or raise of the eyebrows something that says you're cute and silly and could never make me. Bonus points if you pick her up and make her. They want to be put in their place if they say this, even better when they act annoyed after. They're turned on by this dude.

Let us know how you get on dude!

 

[Kaida]

@Fluxcapacitor
The tips worked well but I still have some questions about the fourth scenario.

I see ways to call them out and still comply but I’m still lost on ways to call them out and deny their request.
Example:
Uncalibrated bozo: Yo, pass me that trashcan (On other side of room)

How do I reply to this in a nonchalant leader- like way letting them know I dont have to take orders from them while simultaneously denying their request?

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Kaiderman dude! Sometimes it's alright to comply with some requests on a social level, such as if that trash can was right next to you. It's being social and not everything is about scoring points, that said I think that's a good example of an uncalibrated bozo asking you to do something and if you're both on the other side of the room it could be a piss take.

In this example don't react, don't move and question them in a way of dont your legs work? / you've got legs / what did your last slave die of? / stare at the object (maybe stretch your arm out) then tell him your telekinesis isn't working either or you can't reach it/ who dresses you on the morning?

Alternatively bargain/negotiate to a higher price - I'll grab it if ............. then state what you want in return. You can drive a high price, I'll do that if you wash my car and it's simply not worth that trade. Or trade for something they will do I'll do that if you grab us a drink, if the fridge isn't far away they're likely to do that depending, or I'll do that if I can ride shotgun, this won't bother them either unless you do this on hierarchy, usually the dudes girl gets this automatically and they don't take kindly to being told to sit in back :') this way if you do comply you're doing it on your terms and at a higher price.