How to ease girls who clam up, become silent

[DarkKnight]

Hey boys,

I have been approaching last few days on and off and I notice with some girls that there is interest but they are nervous. When I try to speak with them they reply with short answers or clamming up, despite stealing glances and stuff, so yeah interest is definitely there. I encounter this more and more as I progress in life, despite being such a sweatheart myself.. (ehem.)

How do you guys put girls at ease? Because I think there are some real hidden gems between the silent and insecure types. I can just imagine them being only used to these nerdy nice guys and I definitely have an edge, despite behaving nice in person.

So tactics please, lines, something. A quick fix I can try and out and experiment.

Thanks in advance

 

[Richard]

Can you give me an example of your "standard" approach?

Are you opening direct or indirect? Is it night game or day game? Lots of variables can lead to this and my answer will vary because of that.

-Richard

 

[DarkKnight]

Sure a thing Richard,

I mostly do daygame because I am a very busy guy and barely go out at nights because I want to be fresh the next day. So you should think about places like coffee shops with people working or reading, waitresses, cassiers, street game, the gym which I go to frequently.

But with this question its usually places where the girl has seen me multiple times before like at the gym, at a cafe and such. So I am kind of preopened but somewhere along the line girls convince themselves that I am unattainable, (maybe because I am pretty focused?). So when I do talk to them they get surprised and clamp up.

Also I never open direct, I did it multiple times in the past but it never worked for me. I thinks its just too much. I usually make a situational opener or one of my canned lines in reserve which I can apply in certain situations and try to hook them in from there. Some girls respond enthusiastically, some behave cold and aloof (rare) but unfortunately a number of girls clam up and stutter which I can not imagine to be their normal state.

 

[Richard]

This is the reason I asked

It moreso seems like these women are clamming up because they aren't sure of what you want - if you open situationally or indirectly AND then linger around a girl knows you're up to something but when she can't be sure she starts to go cold as a defense mechanism. On top of that, it sounds like you do a lot of approaching at places where women are, generally, themselves pretty busy - it takes a lot of solid game to hook women at the gym, for instance.

If you're opening direct and women act cold consistently then your vibe/approach is wrong.

Anyway, women do not respect men who don't have the courage to make their intentions known and it's safer for them to avoid taking that risk of getting fucked over. So, my advice would be to make your intention a little bit more known or direct and see how women react. If you go indirect or situational then transition into something that shows more interest in her:

Me: Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to London from here? (when you live in the U.S.)
Her: What?
Me: I'm kidding, I actually thought you were really cute and wanted to come say Hi

and go from there

NOTE: I prefer going direct as fast as possible for this reason - women who aren't interested get screened out very quickly.

-Richard

 

[DarkKnight]

I probably didn't write it down well.

I don't linger around! I mind my business usually, later on I can see girls giving signs of interest, subconscious ones, like multiple glances while I am working out or interacting with someone else. Subtle things like that. So it's first me doing whatever I am doing -> Feeling a vibe, glances or whatever from the girl -> Then I go approach them if I like them enough. It's also not a cold reaction that I get, at least not usually. It's more nervous like,I know the difference. I don't enjoy converting really cold girls, too much of a hassle and there are plenty of other ones around. Also I do not linger around after an approach. I actually never have once done that. I get the feeling that you interpreted me as worming myself inside situations, I don't. When I am indirect I go in with a sexual or playful vibe, not like some safe chump . However I do not immediately drop the bomb about my intention, I do however ask for compliance quite fast when there is a hook. But nervous girls do not hook easily which is the entire problem of my post.

 

[Richard]

DK,

My bad - by lingering I meant standing around and having an abstract conversation without any hints or direction but it seems like that's not the case with you.

Moreso seems like you're talking about attainability, then. When a woman talks to a high value guy she, typically, puts him on a pedestal and puts pressure on herself. It's your job to alleviate some of that pressure by being more relatable;

1) Use self-depreciating humor - This helps break you down into somebody more human and less "idealized."
2) Get her to qualify herself - Help her live up to your expectations.
3) Pull back on humor a little bit and be a little more serious - When you're high value and use humor she'll feel like you aren't taking her seriously so she'll start to tune out as a defense mechanism.
4) Find excuses to use "we" statements - Pretty self explanatory
5) Persist with genuine interest - Women who are nervous, generally, make the same mistakes nervous men make - like giving short answers. Persist until she opens up and reward her with a compliment

-Richard

Also, if I'm not mistaken I think Chase advocates for purposefully making small mistakes to show that you aren't perfect. Can't say I've ever tried this one as I mostly used self-depreciating humor to make her laugh briefly and then transition into focusing on her. There's usually a point where you notice the pressure is off her shoulders and it's almost always accompanied by her talking and opening up a lot. From there you can move forward normally.

 

[DarkKnight]

Hey Richard,

Thanks for the eleborate reply and the multiple pointers! Because I can see some huge gaps in my game already. I will consider them here point for point.

*Self depreciating humor: I am wary with this one, because I can imagine myself inadvertently painting myself as undesirable!
*Qualifying the girl: I should really work on this one, mainly because I barely qualify. I just read up on the subject.
*Pull back on humor: What kind of humor are we talking about here? Because I can sometimes come off as pretty intense and stoic. Maybe you mean that I should not make jokes about her as a person?
*Persist with genuine interest: Make more effort to carry for the team, still hard but I will try because I do not enjoy losing out.

About making small mistakes: I think I should focus on this also specifically because of the reason that I maintain a really strong frame at all times and again I can imagine how it can make me seem inhuman. I sometimes have the feeling that I overgame with having a killer frame. Most people are not like that all.