This post probably won't be what you think. 
I've been following this site for around 5-6 months now, putting most everything into practice. I still have a long ways to go, but in general I'm doing well. I've been with a handful of girls since I started this stuff, and to be honest about it all have put in tons of effort yet limited my success to a certain degree by my own doing. I got a turnaround with a girl I'd failed with when I was starting out, and made the mistake of slipping into complacency. I had sex on speed dial and stopped meeting new women as much. Yet I'm not into this woman, and have been ready to move on. Without going into the details, we made a pseudo-split about 2-3 weeks ago (although she's still texting me all the time for pete's sake).
So after that "split", the very first night I went out I was a bit gunshy but at the very end of the night sat down next to this exceedingly beautiful girl at my home base. She was with another guy so I just went about my business yet she eventually engaged me. We talked for a few moments, I said I'd like to take her out for a drink, she agreed, and I got her number. The night I met her was on a Saturday, and I contacted her Sunday evening to setup the meet. In retrospect I wish I had asked her to meet me on Sunday, but I digress. So we setup the meet for the next night, Monday. We met at a nice bar to have drinks.
The first night was a bit awkward. When we met, she went in for the hug. Call me crazy but I wasn't prepared for that (I do the sexy handshake thing) and in her mind I think I came across as giving an overly friendly hug. I know it's a small thing but it seemed to set the course of the interaction. I of course started to deep dive her, and I got to know a lot about her. After a little bit she went to the restroom then came back and bought me a drink. We then went to play pool and talked a bit more. It was still focused on deep diving although I threw one chase frame in there. My goal was of course to slowly build and then move to the more intimate stuff later. In other words, I was moving slowly (/slaps self). About an hour after we started playing pool she went to the bathroom again and shortly thereafter I moved to pay the tab so that I could end the official date and ask if she'd like to join me for a nightcap. However right after asking for the tab she got a call from a friend and said she was going to leave and that she had previously planned to see her friend that evening. This is an immediate red flag of course (I know she went to the bathroom and asked her friend to help her bail from the date). However, at that point I stated that I'd like her to join me for a nightcap. She said she'd planned to meet her friend, and what is a nightcap anyway? I didn't address the nightcap part and said well she's a good friend you can see her again...you'll have a great time with me. Her response was that she couldn't bail on her friend but that we should do this again. I failed to persist more (and I'm not sure it would have been worthwhile anyways), and we hugged and she left.
So the next day, I'm a little concerned about this interaction. While she did throw in a flirt herself the prior night, not to mention having given me investment in terms of buying a drink, being receptive to my touch, and following my lead; it didn't seem like she was openly "into me". However I am aware that sometimes a girl may not make her interest known obviously; and despite a little awkwardness and me not being as "sexy" as I should have been, I felt the date ultimately went very well. So I texted her the next day to see if she'd meet that night (using the whole and if you're not available can you be routine). She immediately accepted and I setup dinner with her. My first proposal was actually that she come to my place to make dinner with me, but her response was that she didn't know me well enough. So we settled for a nearby restaurant instead. Now my focus on that night was to be much more "sexy". To a certain degree I succeeded but we'll go into that later.
First off the place we were to meet was exceedingly crowded and there were no parking spots. I called her up and said hey I've been driving here for 15m and haven't found a spot, I don't want you to have to do that too. Are you by a place you could park and I can pick you up? Well conveniently she wasn't more than 2 miles from my place! I just had her go to my apartment and wait for me in a visitor spot. I picked her up and we went to an alternate place about 10 minutes away for seafood. I continued deep diving her throughout dinner getting to know her more (we were at opposite ends of a booth so no I didn't at that point start flirting much). Ultimately, she paid for dinner, but it was only because I left my phone and CC in the car (although I would have asked for a dinner split as equals had I had my card with me). I told her I'd take care of drinks and so after dinner we went to a nearby bar where I started asking her about dating and relationship stuff. She wasn't very reactive to it, yet still followed my lead and allowed me to show her around the bar (it's got lots of neat stuff to look at was actually a car repair garage once), and we eventually got up to one of the upstairs pool areas. It was a small intimate spot and there was a live band on the main level right next to us. We proceeded to have very subtle flirting yet it was clearly on. It was really a great time and I know she enjoyed herself thoroughly. After about 30-45m I said let's jet and we were on our way.
We drove home and had a fairly good if subdued conversation about how well she was starting to know me (she still felt she didn't know me well enough sometimes I go too far on the mystery and focusing on her). We got back to my place at which time I proceeded to again ask her to join me for a nightcap. But she got real weird and said she didn't know what a nightcap was the night before and still didn't now. I did persist a few times (about 3 times), however she ultimately left quickly. I texted her and told her to tell me when she got home safe, and I haven't heard back from her since. That was a week and one day ago.
So at this point I'm sure we can see what went wrong. I was rusty just having been in a convenient fuck buddy relationship. I was nervous and uncalibrated. As such, I didn't move fast enough, and she probably didn't feel desired enough. I mean that's really the bottom line. I think her annoyance at me using the same line is perhaps a bit extreme, but that's a very small result of an ultimately uncalibrated seduction. I should have showed more interest, I should have had far better flirting and properly operated the "dimmer" bringing her to full "brightness" (an area of this site I think actually needs improvement. I am often having sticking points with flirting and there really aren't many examples on this site about how to become a better flirt), and most definitely should have calibrated the ask better, specifically asking for the nightcap earlier on the 10m drive home (and not at the very end), and perhaps rephrasing it a bit (or better addressing the objection). So lots and lots of miscalibrated stuff here for me, and I think I've done a fairly good job identifying them.
Ultimately, I really like this girl. I've met lots of girls in the last six months but this one is a cut above all the rest. She is young and has a strong natural beauty to her. One of those girls who just doesn't have to try to be beautiful. Two degrees and is strong and intelligent. She is very clear girlfriend or more material to me (not that I'd ever tell or show her that until she's the one who's chasing!!!). I have a tough time not feeling that I'm dating down with most other girls. But don't get me wrong. I refuse to get hung up on this chick. I am out meeting new girls, I've done approaches in the last few days of such beautiful girls they'd make most guys weak at the knees, I'm working on some POF dates, and generally "moving on". But that doesn't mean I don't still want this girl.
The question now is what to do next. Since I last saw her, I didn't send anything the next day. The day after, I sent her a somewhat lengthy (but not a book!) text stating things didn't go as planned but I can improvise, and suggested a third date in another area of town. No response. The next morning, I sent a text saying forget the other idea, just come on over to my place we'll get pizza and watch a movie, you'll have a great time. No response. So I gave her a two day break. Then I called and left a message saying I know I was rough around the edges but I know how to smooth them out and stated we've got a good vibe and should meet again. No response. Now I'm on the week-long break and deciding what to do next.
Despite my mistakes, I have stayed cool and calm throughout, even when she refused to go home with me. If anything, perhaps I seem cold and unfeeling to her. I really have prevented myself from getting emotional. Although I did interject a very small degree of humility and vulnerability (stating I knew I was rough around the edges), I still focused on remaining confident by not apologizing and simply addressing my mistake with the situation. All of our correspondence (or afterwards my texts to no response) have been exceedingly cool and calm. No blaming or whining or anything like that. So, from that perspective I'm still doing ok.
I know this girl likes me. Despite what's transpired here, I know that for a fact. And she knows that I like her without validating her too much (I've asked her to come home with me twice, asked her to cook dinner at my place for the second date, and proposed another date at my place later on). So she knows that I'm always trying to move things forward in a subtle fashion, and I believe that if I do things right that not all is lost. The thing is I refuse to blow up her phone or become needy/desperate. But what can I say to invoke the positive feelings she had with me through a text or even a voice message? I have to figure out something short and powerful and somehow be able to convince her to see me in person. I refuse to get into the details over phone or text. But I have to get her out a third time, really turn on the charm, get her really comfortable, and make her my lover. That is the ONLY acceptable next step. So...How should I best proceed?
For the record I WILL move on no issue (although big disappointment) if I don't get a response with this last attempt. I think one last attempt is appropriate persistence in a non-needy way. And I am fully prepared to move on if I fail to make her a lover after a third date if I can somehow get that third date!
What are your thoughts?
I've been following this site for around 5-6 months now, putting most everything into practice. I still have a long ways to go, but in general I'm doing well. I've been with a handful of girls since I started this stuff, and to be honest about it all have put in tons of effort yet limited my success to a certain degree by my own doing. I got a turnaround with a girl I'd failed with when I was starting out, and made the mistake of slipping into complacency. I had sex on speed dial and stopped meeting new women as much. Yet I'm not into this woman, and have been ready to move on. Without going into the details, we made a pseudo-split about 2-3 weeks ago (although she's still texting me all the time for pete's sake).So after that "split", the very first night I went out I was a bit gunshy but at the very end of the night sat down next to this exceedingly beautiful girl at my home base. She was with another guy so I just went about my business yet she eventually engaged me. We talked for a few moments, I said I'd like to take her out for a drink, she agreed, and I got her number. The night I met her was on a Saturday, and I contacted her Sunday evening to setup the meet. In retrospect I wish I had asked her to meet me on Sunday, but I digress. So we setup the meet for the next night, Monday. We met at a nice bar to have drinks.
The first night was a bit awkward. When we met, she went in for the hug. Call me crazy but I wasn't prepared for that (I do the sexy handshake thing) and in her mind I think I came across as giving an overly friendly hug. I know it's a small thing but it seemed to set the course of the interaction. I of course started to deep dive her, and I got to know a lot about her. After a little bit she went to the restroom then came back and bought me a drink. We then went to play pool and talked a bit more. It was still focused on deep diving although I threw one chase frame in there. My goal was of course to slowly build and then move to the more intimate stuff later. In other words, I was moving slowly (/slaps self). About an hour after we started playing pool she went to the bathroom again and shortly thereafter I moved to pay the tab so that I could end the official date and ask if she'd like to join me for a nightcap. However right after asking for the tab she got a call from a friend and said she was going to leave and that she had previously planned to see her friend that evening. This is an immediate red flag of course (I know she went to the bathroom and asked her friend to help her bail from the date). However, at that point I stated that I'd like her to join me for a nightcap. She said she'd planned to meet her friend, and what is a nightcap anyway? I didn't address the nightcap part and said well she's a good friend you can see her again...you'll have a great time with me. Her response was that she couldn't bail on her friend but that we should do this again. I failed to persist more (and I'm not sure it would have been worthwhile anyways), and we hugged and she left.
So the next day, I'm a little concerned about this interaction. While she did throw in a flirt herself the prior night, not to mention having given me investment in terms of buying a drink, being receptive to my touch, and following my lead; it didn't seem like she was openly "into me". However I am aware that sometimes a girl may not make her interest known obviously; and despite a little awkwardness and me not being as "sexy" as I should have been, I felt the date ultimately went very well. So I texted her the next day to see if she'd meet that night (using the whole and if you're not available can you be routine). She immediately accepted and I setup dinner with her. My first proposal was actually that she come to my place to make dinner with me, but her response was that she didn't know me well enough. So we settled for a nearby restaurant instead. Now my focus on that night was to be much more "sexy". To a certain degree I succeeded but we'll go into that later.
First off the place we were to meet was exceedingly crowded and there were no parking spots. I called her up and said hey I've been driving here for 15m and haven't found a spot, I don't want you to have to do that too. Are you by a place you could park and I can pick you up? Well conveniently she wasn't more than 2 miles from my place! I just had her go to my apartment and wait for me in a visitor spot. I picked her up and we went to an alternate place about 10 minutes away for seafood. I continued deep diving her throughout dinner getting to know her more (we were at opposite ends of a booth so no I didn't at that point start flirting much). Ultimately, she paid for dinner, but it was only because I left my phone and CC in the car (although I would have asked for a dinner split as equals had I had my card with me). I told her I'd take care of drinks and so after dinner we went to a nearby bar where I started asking her about dating and relationship stuff. She wasn't very reactive to it, yet still followed my lead and allowed me to show her around the bar (it's got lots of neat stuff to look at was actually a car repair garage once), and we eventually got up to one of the upstairs pool areas. It was a small intimate spot and there was a live band on the main level right next to us. We proceeded to have very subtle flirting yet it was clearly on. It was really a great time and I know she enjoyed herself thoroughly. After about 30-45m I said let's jet and we were on our way.
We drove home and had a fairly good if subdued conversation about how well she was starting to know me (she still felt she didn't know me well enough sometimes I go too far on the mystery and focusing on her). We got back to my place at which time I proceeded to again ask her to join me for a nightcap. But she got real weird and said she didn't know what a nightcap was the night before and still didn't now. I did persist a few times (about 3 times), however she ultimately left quickly. I texted her and told her to tell me when she got home safe, and I haven't heard back from her since. That was a week and one day ago.
So at this point I'm sure we can see what went wrong. I was rusty just having been in a convenient fuck buddy relationship. I was nervous and uncalibrated. As such, I didn't move fast enough, and she probably didn't feel desired enough. I mean that's really the bottom line. I think her annoyance at me using the same line is perhaps a bit extreme, but that's a very small result of an ultimately uncalibrated seduction. I should have showed more interest, I should have had far better flirting and properly operated the "dimmer" bringing her to full "brightness" (an area of this site I think actually needs improvement. I am often having sticking points with flirting and there really aren't many examples on this site about how to become a better flirt), and most definitely should have calibrated the ask better, specifically asking for the nightcap earlier on the 10m drive home (and not at the very end), and perhaps rephrasing it a bit (or better addressing the objection). So lots and lots of miscalibrated stuff here for me, and I think I've done a fairly good job identifying them.
Ultimately, I really like this girl. I've met lots of girls in the last six months but this one is a cut above all the rest. She is young and has a strong natural beauty to her. One of those girls who just doesn't have to try to be beautiful. Two degrees and is strong and intelligent. She is very clear girlfriend or more material to me (not that I'd ever tell or show her that until she's the one who's chasing!!!). I have a tough time not feeling that I'm dating down with most other girls. But don't get me wrong. I refuse to get hung up on this chick. I am out meeting new girls, I've done approaches in the last few days of such beautiful girls they'd make most guys weak at the knees, I'm working on some POF dates, and generally "moving on". But that doesn't mean I don't still want this girl.
The question now is what to do next. Since I last saw her, I didn't send anything the next day. The day after, I sent her a somewhat lengthy (but not a book!) text stating things didn't go as planned but I can improvise, and suggested a third date in another area of town. No response. The next morning, I sent a text saying forget the other idea, just come on over to my place we'll get pizza and watch a movie, you'll have a great time. No response. So I gave her a two day break. Then I called and left a message saying I know I was rough around the edges but I know how to smooth them out and stated we've got a good vibe and should meet again. No response. Now I'm on the week-long break and deciding what to do next.
Despite my mistakes, I have stayed cool and calm throughout, even when she refused to go home with me. If anything, perhaps I seem cold and unfeeling to her. I really have prevented myself from getting emotional. Although I did interject a very small degree of humility and vulnerability (stating I knew I was rough around the edges), I still focused on remaining confident by not apologizing and simply addressing my mistake with the situation. All of our correspondence (or afterwards my texts to no response) have been exceedingly cool and calm. No blaming or whining or anything like that. So, from that perspective I'm still doing ok.
I know this girl likes me. Despite what's transpired here, I know that for a fact. And she knows that I like her without validating her too much (I've asked her to come home with me twice, asked her to cook dinner at my place for the second date, and proposed another date at my place later on). So she knows that I'm always trying to move things forward in a subtle fashion, and I believe that if I do things right that not all is lost. The thing is I refuse to blow up her phone or become needy/desperate. But what can I say to invoke the positive feelings she had with me through a text or even a voice message? I have to figure out something short and powerful and somehow be able to convince her to see me in person. I refuse to get into the details over phone or text. But I have to get her out a third time, really turn on the charm, get her really comfortable, and make her my lover. That is the ONLY acceptable next step. So...How should I best proceed?
For the record I WILL move on no issue (although big disappointment) if I don't get a response with this last attempt. I think one last attempt is appropriate persistence in a non-needy way. And I am fully prepared to move on if I fail to make her a lover after a third date if I can somehow get that third date!
What are your thoughts?
