How to get off autopilot

[Verisimilitude]

As I've been working on how to change my social fundamentals, I find that many time I'll switch back into my old, bad habits, especially with people I have known for a while (before my transformation). How do I prevent this and turn my new actions into my new autopilot?

 

[Mr.Rob]

Dude I have the same problems xcrunner! I find it easier to be my new and improved self around people I've never met or spent much time around but the people and friends I have spent large amounts of time around in the past I find it very hard not to act my old self around them. I have noticed it's usually my thought processes that revert back to the old me when I'm around these people. For example I used to be a people pleaser and have done a good job of ridding this bad habit although I'm still working on it. When I'm out meeting people my thought are "Alright this girl I don't know is asking me to move her chair for her, I better decline she's an independent person she can move her own chair. She'll respect me more then I'll sit next to her and get to know her."

When I'm with my old friends my thoughts naturally revert back to "Oh Megan is about to come into the room I better get up and give her a place to sit to be a gentleman... Wait what fuck that! I'm not a pushover anymore if she needs a seat I'll be a gentleman and offer her a seat in my lap."

 

[Mr.Rob]

I guess my answer is be aware of your thought processes when your around people that know you as someone else and be aware of your brain falling into old thought habits so you can avoid them before/ change them after it happens.

It's what has been working for me so far.

 

[Thedoctor]

xcrunner,

Yeah just like you and Rob, I've had the same sorta thing happened to me. The solution is simple, but may be extremely difficult to do. Any good friend will understand if you explain to them that you're trying to undergo some changes that will better you. Some will refuse to (even if they say they support it), and they may try to get you to revert back to your old ways, particularly if you were a people pleaser. They'll do this because that is more beneficial to them, and most people hate change. If you are changing your fundamentals and becoming a more social, more confident you, then that will upset the status quo and there is a possibility they will feel threatened by it. This sounds harsh, but you need to rid these types of people from your life. They will only hold you back.

As far as acquaintances go, I'd suggest limiting a lot of your time with them, when possible, until your thought processes are set in stone.

-Doc

 

[Verisimilitude]

Hmm well I'm not talking about ditching old friends for new ones. I'm talking about turning old habits (the things that I do everyday that are wrong) into new ones (good habits). Like if I'm talking to a girl, I use touch and chase framing instead of platonic conversation

 

[Thedoctor]

Hmm well I'm not talking about ditching old friends for new ones.

Now that I re read my post, I guess that's not exactly what I meant. I'm not advising you replace all your friends by any means (unless they're holding you back as stated before). I'm saying it's easier to act differently around new people because it's something you'll be consciously doing. So if you put your current social circle on the back burner while you go out and meet new people, then you'll find that eventually all those new characteristics become the new "autopilot". Then, after a while, you can re-integrate yourself back into the old social circle without fear of going back to the way you were. Doing this may stand the chance of losing a couple friends, but it's better for you in the long term.

All that being said, I realize most people would not do this for fear of losing their social circles. I did exactly this a while back and I did lose some friends and acquaintances, but I stand my the decision I made. I'm a lot happier and more successful these days.