How To Get Rid Of Emotions? (The Past Affecting The Present)

[Troy]

On a weekly basis, my boss hosts Zoom team meetings. We come together to discuss work related stuff and have some fun chit chat. Today I took a leap of faith and did something that no one else on the team did before.

I turned on my camera and showed my face for the first time. I even turned on the funny background filters and brought the energy to the Zoom interaction.

There are 3 men and 11 women in this team meeting. 5 of the people I’ve seen before. The other 6 are relatively new to the company and I don’t know how they look.

As per usual, I'm one of the most talkative persons on the team. Because I am making that step to becoming a better conversationalist, I make sure I talk in every meeting. I ask my manager about the weekly reports, how I can add more value, I flirt with the ladies e.t.c.

After I broke the barrier and showed my face, my manager showed his face for the first time. And little by little the ladies came on camera. Some of them I was even flirting with "oh don't be shy. I dont care if you have not done your hair".

So all was going well. We even started playing a game which I led.

Reminded Of A Past Experience​

Everything changed when a lady from the team said out of nowhere "Aurora says she misses you guys". (The chick I talked about here). Immediately I lost my good vibe and I stopped flirting with the other ladies on the Zoom. My bones started to feel like someone had hit me with a hammer.

This post is not to go back and talk about that one Aurora chick. However it is important I bring this up as it's the most recent blowup I have had with a woman. And I do need advice on how to get rid of my emotions? Or how to not let negative thoughts from the past hurt my present interactions?

I have had multiple interactions in my life go south because of one bad memory I had. For example

I'm on a date with a hot woman and she rolls her eyes. I immediately remember a bad experience I had with a woman who rolled her eyes at me and told me to fuck off. And then I associate that pain with this new woman who is sitting in front of me. Even if my date continues to flirt and laugh with me, in the back of my mind I feel suspicious of this woman's actions. It somewhat dampens my feelings.

You get the idea. I have difficulty controlling the levels of sadness or anger I feel when I remember a bad thought. And it messes up my current interactions with others. I don't get angry at the other person in front of me if they never did anything wrong to me.

Same as today on the Zoom meeting I did not get angry at any of the women. These nice ladies on the Zoom did nothing bad to me.

This trait if left unresolved will hurt my dating and social life if I don't get it in check. Anyone got any tips on not letting past memories affect present interactions?

Troy

 

[Regal Tiger]

You can think of emotions as a form of energy, or even like blood going through vessels in this case. When negative emotions kinda of hijack your mood you can picture it as a kind of 'heart attack'. Like when so many things start blocking the blood vessel you get a heart attack.

You can think of negative emotions as kind of the same. And it's happening because you haven't properly worked through this particular stress point, so the unconscious mind is still holding onto it. Phobias work the same way and what you're experiencing is a term called 'amygdala hijacking'. Where when a certain stimulus totally and completely takes over your entire body in a way through a certain emotion. With phobias it's fear. Could be something else with this girl, I've not read about your particular experience with the girl herself.


Another example is about pain, and probably the best I've ever heard it described as:

Picture yourself driving down the road when you spot this beautiful piece of wood or metal or something lying in the road. The first thing you think to yourself is 'I can really do something with that'. So you pull over to grab it.

But as you grab it you get a big splinter that pierces your skin and pisses you off. So you throw the thing down and maybe even stomp on it a few times before driving off. When you come across it while driving again you even swerve to run it over. Serves that damn thing right! How dare it hurt you like that!

And you think you've delt with the problem by getting rid of the thing that hurt you. It's not in your life anymore so it shouldn't be a problem. Except it is because you never dealt with the splinter. Then before you know it, your arm starts hurting because the splinter got infected. The pain has spread and now is starting to mess with your entire arm.



That's how emotional pain works. Our brain cannot distinguish between physical and emotional pain. The same parts that controls the physical controls the emotional pain. The only difference, however, is that if you smash your thumb you know that your thumb hurts. But if you wrack up a bunch of emotional pain you suddenly start to develop back problems, or issues with your stomach or even being unable to sleep.

When you smash your thumb your brain catalogues that as 'pain in thumb'. But with emotional pain there isn't always a way to catalogue it, so your mind creates that association for you.

This is the primary reason that massages and acupuncture work in my opinion. They work on the common stress points that the mind 'stores' your emotional pain. Using myself as an example, I store stress primarily in my back. So massages work extra well for me.



As for how to get rid of it, that's something that I do through hypnotherapy. You can look up some stuff on your own that will help you discover where you're storing these different stressors so you can clean them out. Or we can chat and I can just walk you through it. But it's really annoying to do through text.

 

[Alpha13SC]

This is indeed something that many people face and and some don t learn to cope with them their entire life.

The thing with emotions is: they re just emotions. If you let them run you, you ll lost control.

@Regal Tiger gave some great insights about how they may appear.

You can think of emotions like an event in a day. A good event(finding some money) can bright your day. A bad event(finding your car scratched) can make your day bad. Of course, you use prevention for obvious things, but when something suddenly happen that isn t in your area of control, you may start to panic/wonder why and so on.

The key is to manage it. I ll say it again. To accept it and own it. Because that s how a mean behave. He deals with the shit may appear in his life.

Think about a business owner. He may have some bad clients/bad employers/his car may broke while driving to a meeting. But he knows in order to run the business successfully, he must find a way to work through. The sooner he owns the situations and assume responsability for it, the sooner he can find a solution. It may be an opportunity for him.

The inside balance of emotions is the same. Having bad emotions? You should be like "Ok, I feel bad, my hear started to beat faster, but I m still in control of me and still doing the thing I m supposed to do". Because you don t need to rely on emotions to do your thing. Like motivation. Motivation will not always be there. But the discipline and power of will must. You don t need to control your heart, you control your state consciously. And the benefits will shown afterwards, not as sudden as the bad event happened. That s another key. Being in control of your self is not for getting ridden of your bad emotions, but to accept them and they ll fade away. The sooner you accept and own them, the sooner they ll dissapear.

Regarding your situation. Yeah, you have a bad memory with a girl. Yeah, others knows her. Own it. Be brave about the fact that you had the balls to invite her and tried to make things happen. Didn t work. Lesson learned. I fucked up a lot of things in my dating life. And everytime I felt very bad in those moments. But when the time passed, I m actually grateful because it happened. Because if they wouldn t, I wouldn t get the lessons. I wouldn t reached the point where I wanted to be a better seducer and wouldn came across this GC. So I m grateful that that girl left me. I m grateful that another girl said she doesn t see me as another thing anymore. Because for every girl I fucked up with, I Ve learned and had more succes with another 5 girls better than the previous one.

And this does not limit only to dating life. It goes to other areas life like hobbies, work, friends, and on. I ve had so many injuries in the gym. I ve had so many dangerous close calls with my moto, one let me with a broken bone, lost friends and so on. Yeah, they were unfortunate, but I happy that the consequences where not so high(as long as your health is intact, your body is good, you're good, no matter what happens. There s a saying. A healthy man wants 1000 things. An unhealthy man wants just one thing). And because I fucked up with little consequences, now I know what to do next time, when I face similar situations and consequences could be greater.

And all of those lessons build your knowledge and so your self image, because you're wise and can take better decisions. You're not the same man who did the mistakes. You're better because you did and learn from them. Be proud of it.

My only regret is that I didn't fucked up some things earlier.

Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.

Hope this post helps you,
Alpha13SC

 

[Troy]

You can think of emotions as a form of energy, or even like blood going through vessels in this case. When negative emotions kinda of hijack your mood you can picture it as a kind of 'heart attack'. Like when so many things start blocking the blood vessel you get a heart attack.

You can think of negative emotions as kind of the same. And it's happening because you haven't properly worked through this particular stress point, so the unconscious mind is still holding onto it. Phobias work the same way and what you're experiencing is a term called 'amygdala hijacking'. Where when a certain stimulus totally and completely takes over your entire body in a way through a certain emotion. With phobias it's fear. Could be something else with this girl, I've not read about your particular experience with the girl herself.


Another example is about pain, and probably the best I've ever heard it described as:

Picture yourself driving down the road when you spot this beautiful piece of wood or metal or something lying in the road. The first thing you think to yourself is 'I can really do something with that'. So you pull over to grab it.

But as you grab it you get a big splinter that pierces your skin and pisses you off. So you throw the thing down and maybe even stomp on it a few times before driving off. When you come across it while driving again you even swerve to run it over. Serves that damn thing right! How dare it hurt you like that!

And you think you've delt with the problem by getting rid of the thing that hurt you. It's not in your life anymore so it shouldn't be a problem. Except it is because you never dealt with the splinter. Then before you know it, your arm starts hurting because the splinter got infected. The pain has spread and now is starting to mess with your entire arm.



That's how emotional pain works. Our brain cannot distinguish between physical and emotional pain. The same parts that controls the physical controls the emotional pain. The only difference, however, is that if you smash your thumb you know that your thumb hurts. But if you wrack up a bunch of emotional pain you suddenly start to develop back problems, or issues with your stomach or even being unable to sleep.

When you smash your thumb your brain catalogues that as 'pain in thumb'. But with emotional pain there isn't always a way to catalogue it, so your mind creates that association for you.

This is the primary reason that massages and acupuncture work in my opinion. They work on the common stress points that the mind 'stores' your emotional pain. Using myself as an example, I store stress primarily in my back. So massages work extra well for me.



As for how to get rid of it, that's something that I do through hypnotherapy. You can look up some stuff on your own that will help you discover where you're storing these different stressors so you can clean them out. Or we can chat and I can just walk you through it. But it's really annoying to do through text.

Im forever grateful for this response. Its also good to hear that you specialize in this subject. You wrote a lot of good info that I will take the time to digest over the next couple hours and days. Yes I will research hypnotherapy as you recommended.

This is indeed something that many people face and and some don t learn to cope with them their entire life.

The thing with emotions is: they re just emotions. If you let them run you, you ll lost control.

@Regal Tiger gave some great insights about how they may appear.

You can think of emotions like an event in a day. A good event(finding some money) can bright your day. A bad event(finding your car scratched) can make your day bad. Of course, you use prevention for obvious things, but when something suddenly happen that isn t in your area of control, you may start to panic/wonder why and so on.

The key is to manage it. I ll say it again. To accept it and own it. Because that s how a mean behave. He deals with the shit may appear in his life.

Think about a business owner. He may have some bad clients/bad employers/his car may broke while driving to a meeting. But he knows in order to run the business successfully, he must find a way to work through. The sooner he owns the situations and assume responsability for it, the sooner he can find a solution. It may be an opportunity for him.

The inside balance of emotions is the same. Having bad emotions? You should be like "Ok, I feel bad, my hear started to beat faster, but I m still in control of me and still doing the thing I m supposed to do". Because you don t need to rely on emotions to do your thing. Like motivation. Motivation will not always be there. But the discipline and power of will must. You don t need to control your heart, you control your state consciously. And the benefits will shown afterwards, not as sudden as the bad event happened. That s another key. Being in control of your self is not for getting ridden of your bad emotions, but to accept them and they ll fade away. The sooner you accept and own them, the sooner they ll dissapear.

Regarding your situation. Yeah, you have a bad memory with a girl. Yeah, others knows her. Own it. Be brave about the fact that you had the balls to invite her and tried to make things happen. Didn t work. Lesson learned. I fucked up a lot of things in my dating life. And everytime I felt very bad in those moments. But when the time passed, I m actually grateful because it happened. Because if they wouldn t, I wouldn t get the lessons. I wouldn t reached the point where I wanted to be a better seducer and wouldn came across this GC. So I m grateful that that girl left me. I m grateful that another girl said she doesn t see me as another thing anymore. Because for every girl I fucked up with, I Ve learned and had more succes with another 5 girls better than the previous one.

And this does not limit only to dating life. It goes to other areas life like hobbies, work, friends, and on. I ve had so many injuries in the gym. I ve had so many dangerous close calls with my moto, one let me with a broken bone, lost friends and so on. Yeah, they were unfortunate, but I happy that the consequences where not so high(as long as your health is intact, your body is good, you're good, no matter what happens. There s a saying. A healthy man wants 1000 things. An unhealthy man wants just one thing). And because I fucked up with little consequences, now I know what to do next time, when I face similar situations and consequences could be greater.

And all of those lessons build your knowledge and so your self image, because you're wise and can take better decisions. You're not the same man who did the mistakes. You're better because you did and learn from them. Be proud of it.

My only regret is that I didn't fucked up some things earlier.

Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.

Hope this post helps you,
Alpha13SC

This is really helpful info Alpha13SC. You shared a lot of info that I will go over the next couple hours and days and attempt to implement (and digest) the info. Im forever grateful!

Troy

 

[Regal Tiger]

Im forever grateful for this response. Its also good to hear that you specialize in this subject. You wrote a lot of good info that I will take the time to digest over the next couple hours and days. Yes I will research hypnotherapy as you recommended.

No worries mate, if you'd like to you can schedule a free half hour session with me. I'm doing freebies for GC right now. Just shoot me a message