How to get the girl in your larger network (same industry, common acquaintances)

[lux7]

Here's a quick primer:

She's not in my social circle and we don't have any common friends. But she's living in the same city and is part of the same industry, so we have common acquaintances and/or are likely to have more common business relationships.

It's not as bad as social circle but it's possible I might stick around this city and this industry for a while longer and I don't want to be known as the guy who goes around hitting on every girl within range (I have a "no colleagues policy").

We spoke maybe 15 minutes and it seemed like she quite liked me, if not 100% physically at the very least on a personality level, and I also found her cute and interesting.

Now we're scheduling a lunch, which I proposed as a "enlarge your network opportunity" -as I always do with people in the same industry-.


How would you go about it?

 

[Verisimilitude]

Re: How to get the girl in your larger network (same industry, common acquaintan

That's tricky. But I think you have a bit more room to flirt because you aren't in the same office. But I don't know how much of your job depends on business contacts. Why not just flirt a little bit and see how she takes it? Like complimenting a bracelet and touching it? Obviously, you have to walk a thin line, and she knows that too so she should make things clear too.

Also, this might be a time where its ok to wait for a second date (if she wants one) to go for it. If you say you two should hang out again (and don't mention business) and she accepts (especially if its for dinner/at a bar), you might be good to go.

 

[lux7]

Re: How to get the girl in your larger network (same industry, common acquaintan

Thanks man, yeah probably something like "wait for more obvious signals".

If more obvious signals are present, then go for another date and then invite home with nonchalance, if it's a yes than go for a kiss and if all is well go on, and if refused drop it.

 

[Fuck This]

Re: How to get the girl in your larger network (same industry, common acquaintan

I'm going to say you have to decide if you value her more as a personal or professional friend.

Now you have gotten her to commit to a professional networking meeting, are you going to bait and switch her to a date? That never seems to work out for me.
That is not to say people in the same industry can't date. Plenty do. But if that is your interest, approach it as if it was someone from outside that circle. Focus on non work similarities.

If you can steer the conversation to non work interests, like golf, or sailing or another social-recreational activity you can do together then I'd propose that activity to DO together. If she replies "as colleagues" or something along the lines of professional you will know where you stand....

If she accepts the beach house bbq invite or something, then talk about anything BUT work while doing it.....

 

[lux7]

Re: How to get the girl in your larger network (same industry, common acquaintan

I'm going to say you have to decide if you value her more as a personal or professional friend.

Now you have gotten her to commit to a professional networking meeting, are you going to bait and switch her to a date? That never seems to work out for me.
That is not to say people in the same industry can't date. Plenty do. But if that is your interest, approach it as if it was someone from outside that circle. Focus on non work similarities.

If you can steer the conversation to non work interests, like golf, or sailing or another social-recreational activity you can do together then I'd propose that activity to DO together. If she replies "as colleagues" or something along the lines of professional you will know where you stand....

If she accepts the beach house bbq invite or something, then talk about anything BUT work while doing it.....

Yeah, seems like A LOT of people date in the same industry and inter-company actually.

"Losing" a friend is not so important IF you can leave on a neutral note, I think the main danger of going for a girl in your same industry and city is that of a failed escalation and/or -and she back-rationalizing it was really lucky for her you too didn't get together- or coming across creepy. Then you will have a girl that anytime your name comes across would contort her mouth in disgust and utter "oh, that guy... ".

If you do it enough time, then you build some kind of a mine-field network around you: any new companies they move to, or any new company you interview for, the internal reference/rumor mills might blow in your face.

Of course, that is mostly wiped out if you start your own thing in a different field, move industry or city.
Then chances your paths will cross in any significant manner dim into irrelevance.