Hey Tom, hope your doing fine.
It's all about the frame. You can respond however you like, as long as you have psychological dominance. In other words: are they having a go at you because you're weak or because they're weak?
If you shouted an insult at President Obama at a ceremony how do you think he would respond? He would ignore it, maybe with a tolerant smirk depending on the situation.
If people attack you on personal grounds (as opposed to saying they don't like what you did) it is always because they feel out of their depth/insecure/threatened. It really is because they feel inferior, not superior to you (absolutely true). Once you internalise this idea it is easy to brush off their attacks by ignoring them or with mild disdain, contempt, even mild sympathy. And if you have internalised this idea it somehow communicates itself to everyone watching as well.
I can sometimes be a bit of an idiot, more so when I was younger, and can think of times when I have said something really bad to someone, maybe a teacher or schoolmate, and they have just brushed it off, making them look incredibly powerful and me look like a pathetic loser. Yet if someone had said the same to me it would have devastated me for days. As I say it's all about the frame.
Next time someone has a go at you try not responding in any way. Don't acknowledge them, don't laugh at yourself, don't reply, don't show any tension, don't try to act dignified. Just act as if they didn't say it. Then watch as they slink away, powerless.
Then once you have that down you can experiment with other responses - mild amusement, mild puzzlement, mild disdain. The reaction should always be mild, though, as if you have just heard something you don't understand but are too busy to concentrate on right now.
