How to handle smear campaigns?

[Rakehell]

Been a while since i’ve posted a thread.

I couldn’t think of another name for the concept, a smear campaign is pretty close to what I mean, but also alot more extreme/malicious/constant than what i’m going for.

To get to the point, how do you all handle friends/people you’re acquainted with/people you network with who misrepresent you or your intent in conversations with other people?

It almost feels social ladder climbery, but also as if they want you to be perceived a certain way for whatever reason.

Like someone deliberately or unknowingly misrepresenting you.

It “looks” like them misremembering events, or past conversations, in a way that paints you in a different light than what originally happened or what you originally said.

Switching out wording, actions, or delivery style, in a way that changes the narrative and paints a different picture.

I’m curious to know if anyone else has encountered this and how you go about handling the misrepresentation if you do.

In the cases i’ve had they’ve been relatively ignorable/not directly slanderous enough for me to gaf.

But I do wonder the why and how of it happening/you resolving it.

 

[Chase]

@Rakehell,

Really depends on the nature of the smear campaign.

Some of them you can deflate with simple actions. e.g., someone starts claiming you are selfish and jealous, so you go around and be extremely generous with people, very inclusive toward everyone, be totally chill. People just look at the smearer and go, "I don't know what THAT guy's problem is; he's got a real bug up his ass! Rakehell is GREAT!"

If you have leverage, some you can combat by withholding information. In my office days I had a coworker who would talk over me every time we talked to the boss, taking charge of explaining our joint project, then making a bunch of subtle digs implying I worked inefficiently or he needed to help me out. The boss started basically ignoring me when he talked to us and talking exclusively to him. The reality was I was the guy who actually knew what was going on... so I just started doing my share of the work in a way that this coworker did not understand a lot of the moving pieces we were working on and only I did. We'd get in front of the boss, coworker would barge into talking, talk himself into a corner; the boss would ask pointed questions; coworker would have to go, "Uhhhh... Chase?" and then I'd explain all the stuff coworker didn't know. A couple weeks of this and the boss was treating me as the expert and coworker as the guy who didn't know what he was talking about... because he didn't.

If it's sex/romance-related smears, you have to try to get ahead of that, or else get girls who will vouch for you. A lot of these will come down to whose reputation is stronger unless the smearer finds a way to amplify it. e.g., you are high rank in a group and she is middle rank, and you've never been smeared before, people will usually tend to give you the benefit of the doubt (unless those people themselves are trying to ladder climb up over you). But if you are low rank in the group and the girl is higher rank, there may be nothing you can do. OTOH, if she is able to amplify it, and the system comes down on her side, you may get cooked; the low rank girl who does Title IX accusations and smears you to an entire university campus can totally wreck your reputation, because people who don't even know who you are come to know you as "that rapist guy" and even the people who know you well start getting it from every direction: "I heard he's a rapist" "Isn't he going to be expelled?" "I think there's a lawsuit against him."

If you have a BPD or otherwise unstable chick you're about to break up with, you can preemptively go around and frame the breakup and make sure people know she's unstable before the breakup gets underway. That way when she decides it's smear time, everyone's been forewarned and is a lot less likely to believe the smear tactics.

The last thing is just leverage in general. People who decide they want to be enemies with you are people you need to acquire as much leverage on as you can, then when they start making moves to attack you, you need to make them casually aware that you will use that leverage if need be (without directly threatening them... unstable people respond to direct threats in unpredictable ways). IME, if someone understands that you can do a lot more damage to him/her than he/she can do to you, that person will usually call off the hounds.

Also, worth a read, as it deals with similar topics:

How to Survive in a Time of Moral Panic

In a moral panic, no one is safe. Neighbors turn on neighbors, and opportunists use the panic to advance their careers. To survive the hysteria, you must be smart. Last week I wrote an article titled “When Does ‘No’ Actually Mean ‘No’?” to help you stay smart and safe without having to hole up...

www.girlschase.com

Chase

 

[Rakehell]

@Chase got it, Thanks man.

Glad you used the word reputation since that’s essentially what it’s boiling down to.

I realize now that I kept it sort of vague, but what provoked me into writing this was more of a “benevolent smearing”.

A girl stretching the truth on how close we are/my situation almost like they want to keep me in a “box” for themselves and shutdown attempts at networking on my behalf.

I’ve seen the same with friends/bosses/coworkers, where they go out of their way to shutdown opportunities for you, but act as if. Like they want to keep you tucked away.