HOW TO KEEP MOMENTUM DURING THE COURTING PROCESS

[torrancea88]

So, I know I've been through this experience, and I've learned my lessons the hard way, the situation is this you managed to get a girl's number, she accepted going out on a date with you there's good rapport one or two more dates and you wind up kissing her, yeah everything smooth and great so far right? WRONG.

I've learned the hard way and since this is a beginners forum I think you will relate to this a great deal, in these stages of the courting process there's still a BIG CHANCE of screwing things up pretty baldy (I HAVE) so here, I'd give you a little of my amateurish insight to the whole thing.

1. If you're an unexperienced guy like I'm and you're totally new to relationships like I'm too, you'll find out that every date is an accomplishment, every number is milestone, so when for instance you kiss a girl for the first time, is like an out of this world experience, and if you're like me a complete amateur to this world, you might start to relax a let some "Feeling" or infatuation slip in, HUGE MISTAKE, I know is not easy but you GOT TO TRY to at least appear UNINTERESTED I know it makes no sense, right? but it is like that, SPECIALLY if you're dating girls who happen to be more experienced than you are, they would SMELL any hint of infatuation and that for them IS A HUGE TURN OFF, so BE CAREFUL try hard to be IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS, no matter how good you feel about this girl, how much you might enjoy spending time with her, DO NOT LET YOUR EMOTIONS BE EXTERIORIZED, IF YOU DO, you just got yourself a ticket to "break up land"

2. This point is closely related to the last one, but is important in is own right as well, ALWAYS PLAY HARD TO GET, but not in the classical sense of the phrase do not be a petty OPEN BOOK, keep the mystery, this another thing that would KILL young relationships, try as the experts here say to make it about HER, you're a secondary SUBJECT ALWAYS, everything comes BEFORE YOU, when she asks you talk about yourself do it, but DO NOT SPEW the story of your life right on the SPOT, chances are you're not a Hollywood star, and you don't have that much of interesting things to tell, so GIVE HER SMALL DOSAGES OF YOU, and ONLY WHEN SHE ASKS FOR THEM, otherwise mystery will fade away and with it your chances with her, THIS as everything else in this post APPLIES SPECIALLY to girls with more experience than do you have, which are 90% of cute girls in this planet.

That's as far as my level of expertise goes, I still have a whole bunch of aspects of my game to develop, for instance and this is up to any member who might give us some insights in theses matters, HOW OFTEN KISS A GIRL AFTER YOU KISSED FOR THE FIRST TIME? What to do during the first date POST- FIRST KISS? I've tried some approaches and they didn't work very well, if you need to know them I'll lay them down for you, but I won't post them here because I don't want anybody to take them as a kind of advice or something else.

And finally how to deal with unexperienced girls YES there is such a thing, girls who have never been kissed and they're old enough for a relationship with them NOT BEING ilegal in 50 states, what level of intensity should you apply to a girl of such kind? how often to kiss her if you were her first kiss, I mean I'm SO IGNORANT in this subject because I feel is a somewhat COMPLETELY different game, she has NO STANDARD whatsoever upon which she will assess you, because you're HER FIRST, would she construe the "UNINTERESTED HARD TO GET APPROACH" LITERALLY? would she require you to be a little more open with regard to your feelings? GIVE US some advice, enlighten us in this subject, whether we are in this kind of situation or not, it is important TO KNOW because you never know if you're ever going to be.

Thanks and Cheers!

Jack.

 

[Marty]

when for instance you kiss a girl for the first time, is like an out of this world experience, and if you're like me a complete amateur to this world, you might start to relax a let some "Feeling" or infatuation slip in, HUGE MISTAKE, I know is not easy but you GOT TO TRY to at least appear UNINTERESTED I know it makes no sense, right? but it is like that, SPECIALLY if you're dating girls who happen to be more experienced than you are, they would SMELL any hint of infatuation and that for them IS A HUGE TURN OFF, so BE CAREFUL try hard to be IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS, no matter how good you feel about this girl, how much you might enjoy spending time with her, DO NOT LET YOUR EMOTIONS BE EXTERIORIZED, IF YOU DO, you just got yourself a ticket to "break up land"

So true. This doesn't just apply if you're a complete novice. More experienced guys make the same mistake too

chances are you're not a Hollywood star

Even if you were, it'd still be a turn-off, is my guess. If you're self-confident, you don't need to show off.

THIS as everything else in this post APPLIES SPECIALLY to girls with more experience than do you have, which are 90% of cute girls in this planet.

Great point as well. Just by being cute, they mostly have more experience by age 21 than most men have by age 35—is my impression.

 

[Doctor]

Great post Jack! Certainly reminded me of a few things I need to properly internalise!

And finally how to deal with unexperienced girls YES there is such a thing, girls who have never been kissed and they're old enough for a relationship with them NOT BEING ilegal in 50 states, what level of intensity should you apply to a girl of such kind? how often to kiss her if you were her first kiss, I mean I'm SO IGNORANT in this subject because I feel is a somewhat COMPLETELY different game, she has NO STANDARD whatsoever upon which she will assess you, because you're HER FIRST, would she construe the "UNINTERESTED HARD TO GET APPROACH" LITERALLY? would she require you to be a little more open with regard to your feelings? GIVE US some advice, enlighten us in this subject, whether we are in this kind of situation or not, it is important TO KNOW because you never know if you're ever going to be.

I am dealing with what I think is a very inexperienced girl for the first time at the moment (how do you tell for sure anyway? Deep dive about her past relationships?). I am just hoping that moving fast will work to seal the deal this weekend. It certainly worked to secure the date, but everything outside my comfort zone (such as inexperienced girls) throws me off a bit right now so I understand your concerns! Lets hope for some enlightenment!

Cheers
- Doctor

 

[torrancea88]

Well Doctor, I guess that based on my very limited experience in that regard and the fact that I'm going through a situation of that sort at this moment, I would say that the way you determine whether a girl is inexperienced or not is just to carefully observe her demeanor, you got to be very observing specially with regard to her body language, a woman who has never been in a relationship will get really nervous at the prospect of starting one, there are certain details you have to pay attention to, her facial expressions would be somewhat awkward, like displaying anxiety, she might even shake a little bit, all these things will tell you who you're dealing with in terms of experience.

But I think one the best tests to determine this would the kissing or holding her hand, you see, when a girl is inexperienced you feel that in terms of kissing, you're doing all the work, plus, when it comes to holding hands you'll realize that every time you do it, her speech becomes a little less fluent, you can tell immediately in her voice some anxiety, certain insecurity, and she might even start saying things that do not make much sense, like when you're really nervous, you don't make much sense when you're talking, you sound insecure you even start stuttering, so look up for these signals when you're in these important moments during your date, like kissing, holding hands, or in fact any type of physical contact beyond the realm of what people who are not dating do.

Always, and this is a great tip that lots of professional PUA might tell you, try to make physical contact as much as you can before you actually go for the big things like holding her hand or kiss her, touch her arm playfully, guide her to her seat by touching her back, that kind of thing you know? because through that you're breaking the "tactile barrier" if you will and once you go for the big casino, she would be less likely to blow you off, cos when you do these things you're triggering certain chemicals on her body that incite sexual attraction, she is a woman after all, and if she is into you, as much as the social conventions say that she must play hard to get, she would still enjoy your touch, you kisses and eventually you know what.

She might not be very confident during the first kiss, in fact she would be really nervous if she is ACTUALLY inexperienced, she might even turn her face or shyly lower her face so you won't reach her lips with yours, however don't take this as a straightforward sign of rejection, in a more experienced girl that might be the case, cos she knows what's coming for other guys have kissed her, but in the case of an inexperienced girl, this is just shyness, if she likes you she will kiss you, but you have to create rapport make her laugh, and make her feel comfortable around you to get to that stage.

I did not go for the kiss in the first date, cos that was way to fast for a completely inexperienced girl, I waited and I was rewarded, I make her laugh I created rapport and when I felt some of her barriers had been broken, I went for the kiss and it happened, if she is a little hesitating at first, do not back down immediately, hug her, tell her "is ok" look at her eyes touch her hair gently, hug her again, and give it another shot.

That's as far as I can tell you what to do, I'm now dealing with how to maintain this dating process interesting, what sort of activities to try, where to go, how to keep things fresh now that the kiss barrier has been broken, and kissing will eventually stop being a novelty for her. I know the next step will be sex, but we're still a long way to go from that, she is still a little anxious, nervous and whatnot when I do things like kissing her, or hold her hand, so for now that is out of the question. (Please daters with more experience a little help with this would be greatly appreciated)

I've learned that "close the deal" is not kissing FAR FROM IT, kissing is like starting to negotiate a deal, is just the beginning of the negotiation process, the deal is close when you take a girl to bed, Therefrom, you'll be in control for the first time in the whole process, I find a little sad that relationships have become what they are now, 50 years ago sex was only conceivable after marriage, and you knew she was going to be your wife, so it was totally out of the question that she was going to cheat on you, cos the social punishment was unbearable. Now, even if you don't want to YOU HAVE TO "CLOSE THE DEAL" through sex, cos is the only way and the only time where you might get a sort of "Sense of security" with the woman you're dating, cos for the first time she would be in a somewhat unfavorable position, and YOU would have the upper hand. Is kind of sad though.

Cheers!

Jack.