Socializing How to navigate your circle when you're becoming high status?

[Lover]

I will soon work in a field that is highly competitive. The kind of job I will be doing can be risky - life-threatening kind of risky. Or in case things still go wrong, it can leave severe damage.

The kind of job you barely know anybody doing. It's that rare.

As I have been telling more and more people about my new job, I notice that the reception I'm getting from people - both new and those I know already - is different from what I'm used to. It's hard to explain exactly what is different. My gut feeling tells me people are warmer towards me. They smile more and laugh a bit harder than usual. I almost get the feeling people respect me more.

IF my gut feeling is correct, then this will be the second time in my life I'm considered "high status". The first time was in my late teens. Back then I had almost no real skills with social circles and girls besides my intuition. But now that I could be getting a second chance, I'm curious how I can maximize the benefits of this opportunity.

What kind of behaviors, manners etc. should I enforce in order to come across as high value and sufficiently attainable to future lovers and friends?

What is generally considered "no go"?

If you were never high status but know someone who is/was, do you know any great role models - or bad ones - from your own life or anywhere else?

Any other tips to make the process as enjoyable as possible?

 

[PalmaSailor]

Sounds like oil rig work.

The risky nature of the job turns women on and most men don’t have the balls for it. It alpha stuff.

What you’re seeing is how people respond to someone perceived as alpha as opposed to what you’re probably used to.

 

[Fuck This]

Treat people around you well. Be genuine and caring and honest. Be generous with your time.

If your career is as risky as you say, you want them to say nice things at your funeral. Not that you were a stuck up prick who thought he was better than everyone else.

Make people feel special and let the ones you care about know they matter to you.

You do this and I guarantee women will bare their souls and their bodies to you.

 

[PalmaSailor]

I don’t actually agree at all with @Fuck This.

Don’t give away your time for free, and don’t “make people feel special”

That’s the wrong mentality.

Also - “letting the ones you care about know they matter to you” is the wrong approach. If anything you should be more aloof. No women want what they can get, and though they bitch and whinge to the contrary, they don’t want an emotionally open book who is forever declaring his undying love.

honestly that ^^ mindset with get you emotionally wiped out by women.

you need to err. Slightly more towards an arsehole if you want to keep women around.

 

[focus]

I don’t actually agree at all with @Fuck This.

Don’t give away your time for free, and don’t “make people feel special”

That’s the wrong mentality.

Also - “letting the ones you care about know they matter to you” is the wrong approach. If anything you should be more aloof. No women want what they can get, and though they bitch and whinge to the contrary, they don’t want an emotionally open book who is forever declaring his undying love.

honestly that ^^ mindset with get you emotionally wiped out by women.

you need to err. Slightly more towards an arsehole if you want to keep women around.

Would you really want to try be more aloof though if you're already high status though? In the context of @Lover situation that might not be the right approach..

Also I feel like we've interpreted @Fuck This post differently lol. For example “letting the ones you care about know they matter to you” to me is not the same as being "an emotionally open book who is forever declaring his undying love".

Obviously though you wouldn't want to take that advice without also having a spine and making sure you're not a pushover. If that were the case then yeah I'd agree with you on that.

 

[Fuck This]

You didn't read ALL the words...

Among them are GENUINE and HONEST. That means saying "NO" when you want to. Not being a push over. Setting limits and sticking to it. And being able to say why.

 

[Will_V]

I will soon work in a field that is highly competitive. The kind of job I will be doing can be risky - life-threatening kind of risky. Or in case things still go wrong, it can leave severe damage.

The kind of job you barely know anybody doing. It's that rare.

As I have been telling more and more people about my new job, I notice that the reception I'm getting from people - both new and those I know already - is different from what I'm used to. It's hard to explain exactly what is different. My gut feeling tells me people are warmer towards me. They smile more and laugh a bit harder than usual. I almost get the feeling people respect me more.

IF my gut feeling is correct, then this will be the second time in my life I'm considered "high status". The first time was in my late teens. Back then I had almost no real skills with social circles and girls besides my intuition. But now that I could be getting a second chance, I'm curious how I can maximize the benefits of this opportunity.

What kind of behaviors, manners etc. should I enforce in order to come across as high value and sufficiently attainable to future lovers and friends?

What is generally considered "no go"?

If you were never high status but know someone who is/was, do you know any great role models - or bad ones - from your own life or anywhere else?

Any other tips to make the process as enjoyable as possible?

Why should your job change how you behave? I would avoid tying the two together, because it can pull you up or down.

 

[Fuck This]

Why should your job change how you behave? I would avoid tying the two together, because it can pull you up or down.

SO when I got my job at the company I have been at for 22 years, I was much more in the public eye. I was the Face of the company. New customers I brought in didn't know my bosses. I became the big fish in a small pond...

It changes you. You realize people associate you with something greater than you and rightly or wrongly attribute you and your image to that greater thing. So you have to be cognizant that your actions in public have to be measured because they are amplified due to the high visibility. Celebrities experience this 100 fold over what I had, so you need to be stoic and not overly reactive to stress and issues you face in public.


You need to have POISE

 

[Will_V]

SO when I got my job at the company I have been at for 22 years, I was much more in the public eye. I was the Face of the company. New customers I brought in didn't know my bosses. I became the big fish in a small pond...

It changes you. You realize people associate you with something greater than you and rightly or wrongly attribute you and your image to that greater thing. So you have to be cognizant that your actions in public have to be measured because they are amplified due to the high visibility. Celebrities experience this 100 fold over what I had, so you need to be stoic and not overly reactive to stress and issues you face in public.


You need to have POISE

I see what you mean, and I agree with your points that being more affable is definitely what works better for someone of higher 'rank' - but it depends on how much that rank effects who you're talking to. Like if they're someone you work with regularly and they are down the totem pole, fine, but if it's complete strangers or a distant friend, the impression is what's going to count, and modesty might not do any favors.

For myself, internally, my frame is to always act and think according to my ideal version . I strive to act as if I'm already everything I want to be, even as I work toward it. And I treat people always as mere people and never as a function of their status. For me, the group hierarchy and rank and all that stuff is generally noise, and I try to bring people out of that type of frame when I'm in front of them.

I have long believed that when you understand the human being at a deep level, and you bring them to their natural state when they are with you rather than something contrived, it gives you a sort of mystical authority, which is really just an unshakeable frame built on perception and a silent kind of validation.

 

[Lover]

Why should your job change how you behave? I would avoid tying the two together, because it can pull you up or down.

@Fuck This' answer to this question is pretty much on spot, especially the part about people associating you with something bigger. To give you my own answer:

I suspect that some will either feel out of my league (why I'm asking about attainability) or try to suck it up to me (because of value difference) when I eventually tell them about working in the new field. Some people outside my job community were already feeling somewhat out of my league when I told them about my previous job in another field. I tried to fix this by talking to people about all the other cool stuff we had in common before we got to the job situation to get them thinking "This guy is cool, AND he works with X". I have feeling it worked somewhat, but some people just can't be helped.

Anyway. I'm not asking about changing my behaviors completely. I will still be me and keep the identity that I have of myself. But these specific scenarios where people could end up thinking the world of me and either auto-reject or suck it up to me, are mostly what I'm looking for answers for.

I know by now that I will be influenced by my surroundings one way or another even if I have a great idea of my own standards and goals. Most importantly, I'm trying to keep myself in check because I'm prone to arrogant thinking and statements if things go to my head. I'm speaking from experience.

 

[Bismarck]

Allow me to butt in here with a reading suggestion.

You want to do the following:

1. Listen when people talk to you - comment on what they say and ask meaningful questions
2. Remove any trace of a scowl from your face, and instead smile
3. Keep a straight posture, with strong EC

These would be my general guidelines.

However, social scenarios are quite variegated, and the way I would behave at a house party at 3:00am where everybody is drunk and some people have been smoking reefer is different to the way I would behave at a social gathering around 9:00pm where things are still decent and civil, for example.

Asshole = not the goal, it's a sort of stepping stone from nice guy to full, well-rounded man. Sort of like how when you know you can beat a guy up and he challenges you you still keep your cool and don't pounce on him. With great power comes great responsibility.