Special Girl How to never stress over a girl

[DoWhatWorks]

TLDR: Fix your system not the symptom.

Long version:

If you read, understand and implement this seriously, you'll never worry about an individual girl again.

Not only that but you'll improve your life. This is not an exaggeration.

Why I'm writing this

It struck me that a lot of the threads that go round in circles with no solution share this in common.

Guys focusing on symptoms instead of systems.

For all my faults (and there are many) systems thinking comes naturally to me, so sharing this to refine my thoughts and hopefully help someone.

I'll also just link to this thread whenever I see someone who would benefit from this.

Okay wtf is a system and a symptom?

I'm not going off strict dictionary definitions but stick with me, it will all come together.

A "system" is a series of connected steps designed to consistently produce desired outcomes.

A "symptom": is the negative outcome from a conscious or sub-conscious system

Almost every outcome in life can be engineered with a system. E.g. getting girls is just talking to them, getting in shape is exercising, making money is learning skills etc etc.

What does this have to do with game and girls??

99% of girl problems are permanently fixed with better systems.

For example: "I can't stop thinking about girl [from work, cafe, social circle, gym, Instagram, my mum's bingo club, list goes on]"

We all know you need to meet more girls BUT you obsessing over her is a "symptom" of a poor system for meeting women you mutually like.

If you're in a relationship with dynamics you don't like, again that's a symptom of you not knowing or implementing a system to have better LTRs.

Spoiler: Personal Example

I was a cross-gamer for years who got lays from nightgame, apps and daygame. I reflected and realize daygame had a higher portion of girls I'd deem better fit for me long-term, so I simply made a dating system of mostly daygame cold approach to more consistently date girls I was excited about physically and mentally.

BUT DWW, I CAN'T BUILD A SYSTEM BECAUSE OF XYZ, MY SITUATION IS SO DIFFERENT

Remember when I said a system is a "series of connected steps"

You just need to look at each "step" and reason why you "can't" before finding solutions for each step and voilà your new system fixes the problem.

For this to work it requires self-honesty and lack of excuse making

Spoiler: Example 1: Break up

First of all that sucks but it's happened to the best of us. So common situations that may make this hard is you really liked HER. Well if we're being objective and she no longer wants you, you have to find a girl you like just as much if not more than her. If you out of shape, or live in the suburbs, then that means you'll have to go to the gym and move more centrally. If you can't afford that, then it may mean you have to work more hours, or upskill and get a better paying job that needs less hours... You get the idea? Keep drilling down to what's stopping you, find and implement the solution and then that way you have a PERMANENT fix, not something that's dependent on the emotions of a woman which is varied at the best of times

Spoiler: Example 2: Girl from xyz

This one is even easier lol. Simply ping her interest, mess up with trial and error a few times until you build a very socially graceful way to meet girls in different contexts... I'd also argue if you get good at meeting more girls you won't be tempted to do this anyway... Or by the time you do, you'll know how to do it well

Spoiler: Example 3: Living arrangements

I live in an expensive western city. I had roommates for years and was happy but got unlucky with a demon who slipped through the net. The "symptom" would be to have power struggles in my home (which I did for 6 months) the SYSTEM solution was to simply find a way to live by myself. I did that, and life's been way better ever since. Was it easy? NO was it worth it HELL-YES

When doesn't this work?

You're unwilling or unable to build or update your system because of black swan life situations (which are less than you think). For example if you're struggling to meet girls because you're living with your elderly sick parents in the middle of nowhere then all power to you.

But 99% of you aren't in a situation like that and if I'm playfully calling you out, just being lazy

It's hard, but the other side is so worth it

I'd also argue it's "easier" to build a system and finally get results you want compared to running in circles with symptoms.

It's like living off medication to cure your headache, when all you needed to do was drink more water...

Onwards and upwards x

 

[Chase]

Nice guide, DWW.

As you identify in your post, the two (2) real obstacles to having a system to regularly bring new girls in your life are:

1. Too anxious, lazy, or unmotivated to go do it;
   
   
2. Too logistically difficult to do it.

#2 is ultimately always a subset of #1 though.

Unless the guy is in prison or something. Then he'd better be on his prison penpal game to try to get some conjugal visits going or whatnot. Or hope there's a lady prison guard he can seduce (but she's probably gonna be a dog).

Aside from actually being imprisoned in a cage and held there by men with guns, logistical issues are all resolvable if the guy is seriously motivated to get girls. (Or the "taking care of elderly parents" one, thought that one is not quite as bad as prison.)

• If you live in the country or the suburbs you can move to the city (where the girls are).
  
  
• If the big city is too expensive, learn to live ON THE CHEAP. Or move to a cheaper city (and still learn to live on the cheap).
  
  
• If the kinds of women you like are in short supply in a given location, relocate to one where they are abundant.

e.g., if you like educated, ambitious, professional, international women, there are lots of them in Washington, D.C. and very few of them in San Diego. But if you like carefree beach babes and bottle blondes, there are lots of them in San Diego and very few of them in Washington, D.C. Having a preference mismatched to the city either means you need to grind 10x-100x harder than the guy living there whose preferences align with the city, or (alternately) you can just move to where your preferences align with the local girl population.

I've always been a bit of a wanderer, so I'm a bit biased here, but you really need to be able to uproot and move around a bit if you aren't happy with the opportunities you have in one place or another.

Also, I know a lot of guys out there like luxury, but if you don't have the income for it, and you are having to choose between "enjoying luxury" or "getting girls", choose getting girls. You can always go game for a few years, tough it out without enjoying Michelin restaurants and stays at the Hilton, then find your LTR and go back to luxury living, this time with a girl in-tow.

Plus, I mean, what's more luxurious -- some silk sheets or a silky pussy wrapped around your dong? I'm going with the puss.

And if you are actually in a place with abundant female options, and you are still getting hung up on girls -- well, that's the easy one. They're already all around you. You just need to, you know, start talking to them and inviting them to do stuff with you -- and make that a regular thing that you do.

Chase

 

[JollyRoger]

It's very similar to work and business. Build systems for long term sustainable success.

Perhaps this is off topic but to what extent do you bring in other people?

I've tried many times to align with people who have similar goals but I've always been left disappointed. It seems 99% of people only look at their short term self interest. In game theory terms they will cheat / bite the hand that feeds / kill the goose that lays the golden eggs at the earliest opportunity rather than think about long term win-win scenarios.

Recently I've had some success in raising my status within my niche / extended social circle but I had to dangle carrots in front of people in order to get momentum.

I'm an artist and I'm slowly building up social proof online and in real life and I've tried to explain the benefits of building these kinds of systems without success... but now people are trying to jump on the bandwagon but not bringing anything to the table.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

I've tried many times to align with people who have similar goals but I've always been left disappointed

I’ve struggled with this too. Just have to treat it as a numbers game & accept most people aren’t serious of helpful

Have to play long term games with long-term people. Quickest way to vet is do something small & see how they respond. E.g. if you buy them a drink do they offer to get 2nd round?

I've tried to explain the benefits of building these kinds of systems without success... but now people are trying to jump on the bandwagon but not bringing anything to the table.

don’t explain, show undoubtable evidence when you get success from your system and they’ll come to you.

Also the ones jumping on the bandwagon won’t last because they rely on copying & didn’t make original thought.

Hope that helps

 

[JollyRoger]

Thanks. I'm never sitting around waiting for people to join in, I'm a self-starter.

But it's frustrating when I see clear opportunities to build things together at a much faster rate.

At least I'm starting to reap the benefits.