How to not give a fuck about what others think.

[Starboy]

I think throughout my life i've always been very cautious and always played it safe in life because I was worried about potential consequences. I know reputation is a big deal for girls,but I guess it has held me back too. In middle school and hs a little bit people always had something to say about me. Kid would talk shit about me for fun which made me not wanna talk or bring attention to myself. I think this is why I was known as a quiet person and developed that reputation which I still have to this day.
In a camp job I had I never made a real move towards any of of the female counselors I was working with because I was worried it would come back to haunt me in the form of gossip or talking shit by others.I would imagine trying to kiss one girl or ask one out and she would tell some other girls about how weird I was. In my current job at a retail store i'm apprehensive about talking,trying to flirt with girls on the sales floor because others might see and form some opinion about it and talk about it with others like why is Ben trying to flirt with Stephanie she has a bf?There's this girl I like in class who I wanted to approach and we were walking down the staircase with no headphones on and it was perfect,but anxiety kicked in for because I think some of her friends,classmates were nearby and I didnt want them to hear me use a direct opener (like I think you cute and wanted to say hi) on her and potentially have them see me be awkward even though I dont know these people or particularly care about them. I honestly feel stupid writing this,but I just want to know if anyone understands what I mean. If they have any mindsets for dealing with this worry about what people might think about me.

 

[Mike&Ikes]

I know completely what you mean. For the longest time I struggled with making a move on girls for fear of my advances being rejected/ people talking crap. The biggest thing that helped me get over that fear was getting my fundamentals down, and then jumping in with two feet by making a move on a girl. Because I had my fundamentals down, girls didn’t reject me or talk about me like I thought they would. In my head I was an insecure pansy, but to everyone else, I looked like a confident guy because of those fundamentals (good walk, posture, eye contact, smile, etc).

Would I be correct in assuming that you’re a bit afraid of coming off as creepy? If so, fundamentals deal with a lot of that and make you look less creepy.

Another thing is that you should learn how to deal with people who talk crap to your face and becoming a hard target. Learn how to make good comebacks, be a dick, and don’t take crap from anyone. As far as dealing with people who talk crap behind your back, the only thing you can do is minimize the failures you make (but don’t worry, you’re going to make a lot before you can quite do that one), or become a better person respect and like.

Finally, regardless of the pointers I gave you, you need to have some mindsets that will benefit you socially. One you can start with getting is the “devil may care attitude.” That one is all about not giving a shit. You can get this mindset by acting like a dick. That way, even when people do talk crap or reject you, guess what? You don’t care. You know you’ll get better anyways so it’s not a big deal.

So if there’s anything you can get out of this reply, it’s this:

Get your fundamentals down

Work on not taking shit from people

Get a “devil may care” attitude

And one more thing, you gotta approach women to get better at this whole social and dating problem.

Good luck,
-Mike