How to respond to a FWB asking if we're in a monogamous intimate friendship?

[The Byronic Man]

A FWB (friend with benefits) of just over a month just texted me late Thanksgiving night if we're in a monogamous intimate friendship. She knows we're FWBs and not in a BF/GF relationship, and last week, she even said we're friends with benefits. She's a bit addicted to me sexually, and lately, she's been asking to hang out with me a lot (which always leads to sex) but I've been declining because I'm genuinely so busy. She's been texting me that I haven't kissed her the same way last time, and that things feel different with me. This seems like she's afraid that I'm losing interest in her. I've already talked to her that I'll need to spend much less time with her until I complete my studies.

She knows I've had sex with quite a bit of women, and that I have the skills to sleep with women. I told her the truth about my current situation--I'm simply too busy for a GF or meet new women, as it wouldn't be fair for her and me...but I would like to continue to have sex with her. We recently started to have sex without a condom.

She's married, but doesn't live with her husband, and the two don't see each other much. She has also told me that she recently told her husband that he would have to date her all over again. I took that as her meaning that she's open to start a relationship with me, and which point, I reminded her that we're just FWBs.

So now with this text from her, how should I respond? While she's the only girl I'm having sex with at the moment (again, because I'm too busy to meet new women), I don't intend to be monogamous (and certainly will resume having multiple partners once I'm done with my studies)...but should I be monogamous if I'm having sex without a condom with her? Her saying "monogamous intimate friendship" instead "monogamous intimate relationship" means she knows this is a FWB, right? But a monogamous one? WTF?

 

[Just_Dave]

Hey Byronic,

To weigh in on your already heavy situation, the thing you already know and remember is not allow yourself to be pressured into a relationship that you don't want. Another comment would be the expectations that you've set up, girls listen very differently. I feel as though the woman in your story is wanting a long term relationship even though you stated that you just want a FWB. It's starting to get to the turning point were she is beginning to want more from the FWB than you are. Which is why she asked if she's the only one? I've heard girls bring up the topic of a monogamous FWB to me before as well.

Concern 1: If she's the only one, she'll attempt to position you towards a relationship.

Concern 2: She'll grow frustrated with your lack of commitment towards her and break of the arrangement.

To buy yourself sometime, you can tell her let's discuss this in person so that ideas and statements won't get confused during the text exchange. This way you communicate all of her concerns and be upfront with her. If she chooses she wants more then let her go, if she's fine with the idea of not being the only one then let her stay. Ultimately the choice is yours. Let's see what the others have to say as well!

Dave