How to stop asking girls if I can kiss them?

[needadvice]

This is a bit long, but please try and help me out - I'm sure other guys have the same problem.

I went on a great date yesterday (in my last week of college), the girl and I were vibing really well - i thought she was really cool / fun to talk to (kinda a typical, very cute southern cal girl) and she thought the same I am pretty sure. We had tons of moments where she would say something funny or I would and we'd stare into each others eyes laughing and many times when she made a clear effort to touch me any way she could, body, hair, hands, etc.; attraction was clearly there. The only problem is that I didn't know how to kiss her! I didn't want to make a move because her friends were there, but I had plenty of opportunities (she was really into me). The only 'move' that I tried to make was toward the end of the evening asking her if I could kiss her. She just laughed and shrugged (not in a good way) when I asked. I am really pissed at myself because I really liked this girl and in the end it went nowhere and made me look like such a p****y when I asked. I'm sure I'll never have a second chance with her now and I can understand why - I was the opposite of manly when I asked that. Just an fyi, shortly after I asked like this, the attraction kind of fizzled out and she started to spend more time with her friends. The problem is that this ALWAYS happens to me. Every time there is a good vibe with a girl and things are going well, i ask if I can kiss her or say "I kinda wanna kiss you" and sure, sometimes it works, other times it doesn't at all. The thing is, when I just go for it (when I'm very drunk), I usually have good success but I don't know why I can't just make the move sober anymore. I've also noticed that I have lately been even more cautious in always "asking" if I can kiss a girl. Maybe it's because of the "rape culture" movement and all of the uproar about consent. It's the same thing in bed, though, before sex I always ask, "should I get a condom?" This kind of attitude makes you look really weak and indecisive and is a terrible look for me, but I just don't know what else to do. It's especially frustrating because I am no "beginner," I've slept with a decent amount of girls and if I like a girl's personality once we meet and I make the effort to try and establish a relationship, we usually get along pretty well.

But this indecisiveness when I first want to kiss a girl and first want to have sex with her is something I don't know how to get over. I don't want it to cost me a girl that I really like (and who was very into me) in the future like it did yesterday by portraying me as someone weak and unable to take control when it counts.

Also, an unrelated question: how do I stop obsessing about the fact that I screwed up yesterday? I really liked this girl and all day I have been so annoyed about messing up and replaying the scene over and over in my head. Is there anything you guys can suggest to kind of "shut my mind off?"

Thank you so much for any help - really appreciate it

 

[needadvice]

This is an awesome question.

haha thanks, would have been better if I didn't have to ask it though…

That's great advice. I'll try and remember next time when i "feel" the moment that i'll only be wrong 10% of the time, and even in those 10% that I misjudged the situation, it's still better to try and fail and realize that she wasn't as into you than to never try at all.

Any other advice? That was really helpful drexel, thanks again

 

[sneaky_charm]

Just do not say it. Just don't verbalize. I realized it a lot later, but I lost two girls by expressing interest using words. With one girl, I tried to kiss her on street. She didn't get it. Then she asked what was I doing back there. I didn't know what to say so I told her I wanted to kiss her. And then the girl just wierded out. Her problem wasn't that I tried to kiss her, she said 'You tried to kiss me on the middle of the road'. So basically, the problem was that I tried to kiss her in front of others. Just don't say it.

When you are sitting facing each other during a date. You can just let the conversation die for a moment, and then slowly rise, walk to her, hold eye contact, and push for the kiss. Most girls will kiss you because of the surprise. And do other things like that. As long as you do not use words, it's fine.

Or, when she is holding strong eye contact, ask her 'Are you spontaneous?', and the moment she says yes, go for the kiss. Don't think of it logically, and don't give reasons logically. The more silly your reasons are the better your results will be.

- Sneaky