- Joined
- Nov 7, 2013
- Messages
- 2
I began dating a very beautiful, educated and well to do woman in May. She and I are in our early 30s. We are both experienced in relationships and have each had a couple long term relationships.
She was my first girlfriend ever, actually, when we were twelve. We reunited in May via facebook just after i became single. She asked me out. We met for coffee, left to have drinks and had sex all night at my place. The relationship escalated quickly. She moved much faster than I. Within the first week she asked me to accompany her to a wedding then family outings, etc. I played it cool and within two weeks she told me she was in love with me. I told her i loved her too, but i didn't, but with time she earned my trust and my heart. I fell madly in love with her. She was incredible.
We had a lot of fun over the summer, went on trips together and we developed a very wholesome and loving relationship, and we never fought about anything. After two months she began urging me to move in. A month later i did. We talked about life together, marriage, children and growing old together. I planned on proposing in December while on a trip with her. As far as i can tell she was very genuine as she was completely adoring of me and given her history of long term relationships which she ultimately left because of non-commitment from the men. She wanted marriage, they didn't.
A week after I moved in she lied to me about visiting her ex. My friend had seen her out with some one at Panera Bread. I initially believed he was mistaken, but pieces fell together and I figured out that she had lied and when i confronted her about it, she admitted the truth and said that she had hidden it because they were just friends, and being that i just moved in, she didn't want me to be uncomfortable. She began behaving strangely with her phone. She never left it alone with me and even started taking it into the shower with her. This made me extremely uncomfortable and I began suspecting that she was still meeting this ex at Starbucks and Panera. I later verified that she was. I began to pull away and be distant by late September. We were still going out and having fun, but sex slowed down and romance too. A few weeks later everything changed.
She warned me in August that with school starting she may begin to lose her **** and become stressed out and act weird, but to bear with her. I forgot about this warning. By mid-October she began complaining to me about stress--her job, school, finances, family and, finally, me.
It was like a switch went off. It was three and a half weeks ago. On Saturday she had made a statement about how we hadn't spent much time together that week and that she missed me and that we should do something Sunday. Of course i agreed. On Sunday, her room mate moved out (we shared a very large house with another woman). She was stressed over this and spent the evening with her family while i did something else. After a long day of not seeing each other, I came home, crawled into bed with her (where she was already asleep), and she unloaded on me about finances, her room mate moving, our relationship and other, but minor things. I assured her that i'd do anything i could to help her financially, around the house, and asked her to gather her feelings regarding our relationship and talk about it later. I felt confused because just a week prior we were laying in bed talking about how we were planning to conceive children in January. Now she feels unsure of the relationship? What happened?
After a week of tension between us she laid the "i need space and i need to find myself" line on me. She asked me to move out and assured me she didn't want to break up and that it would be positive for both of us. I didn't argue and agreed that i needed space too and that it would be great. She said i didn't have to move immediately and even after i found a place (the next day) she said i didn't have to move so soon and to give a few weeks up to the new year. We began having sex all of the time and she continued to tell me that she loved me, i was the man of her dreams, etc.
A week after she asked me to move out, i moved out. I puppy dogged it though. Twice. A few days after the conversation and then the morning i moved out. I didn't cry. I had only tried to talk her into working on other options and that i loved her and that i'd do anything, etc. She broke up with me. She said that she felt confused and scared and that she didn't know if she wanted family or marriage, etc. She offered no explanation just that she was sacrificing her goals for ours. Of course, these are just lines.
I believe i killed my attraction by distancing myself when i found she was lying to me about her ex and by puppy dogging it a few days after she asked me to move out.
The morning i moved, after a long conversation in which she cried and said she didn't know what was wrong with her and that i was such a good boyfriend, etc., we said our good byes. She said she wanted to be friends and to see where things go in the spring (idk what the spring has to with anything) to which i replied, "absolutely not." she got angry and swore at me and i left.
She restricted me on facebook. I didn't unfriend her because i figured it'd appear childish or spiteful. I did see that she posted on FB "breathing easier" just hours after i left. She also immediately hopped on e-harmony.
By extreme coincidence my friend (whom she doesn't know) saw her at a concert on Friday. She introduced a guy as her friend to the party. As far as i can make out by description, it was her ex. They didn't hold hands, make out or exchange any affection at all despite drinking together all night. She is pro-pda, so i believe this was a platonic meeting which suggests that she didn't have anything going on with her ex, but who knows?
It's clear that this is over for now. Given that she jumped on e-harmony right away tells me that she was ready to move on before i even moved out (or maybe just wants to get laid as she had told me in the past that that is all online dating is good for), but it also tells me that there was no one else. She wasn't cheating (at least not emotionally).
I initiated no contact when i moved out. I have maintained NC since. It's been 11 days and it's killing me. She has not attempted to contact me. I want to contact her, but i'm afraid of being rejected. I also know that this is a cardinal sin anyway. I'm not a PUA nor do i try to be one, but i have read my fair share of self-help literature regarding women.
What should i do? I want her back. Do you see that there is any potential for me winning her back through NC or other means? Better yet, did i do the right thing by leaving? i know that she asked me to, but she had also warned me about this. Also, with exiting the infatuation phase and her finding her own needs valuable again, i feel i just bailed on her instead of trying to work things out. Did i do the right thing? Can any of you see what i may have done wrong? Like i said, it was like a switch went off in her and i just don't get it. One day she adores me as the man of her dreams and wants to bear my children, etc. and then the very next, she wants space. She didn't offer much insight into anything.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
She was my first girlfriend ever, actually, when we were twelve. We reunited in May via facebook just after i became single. She asked me out. We met for coffee, left to have drinks and had sex all night at my place. The relationship escalated quickly. She moved much faster than I. Within the first week she asked me to accompany her to a wedding then family outings, etc. I played it cool and within two weeks she told me she was in love with me. I told her i loved her too, but i didn't, but with time she earned my trust and my heart. I fell madly in love with her. She was incredible.
We had a lot of fun over the summer, went on trips together and we developed a very wholesome and loving relationship, and we never fought about anything. After two months she began urging me to move in. A month later i did. We talked about life together, marriage, children and growing old together. I planned on proposing in December while on a trip with her. As far as i can tell she was very genuine as she was completely adoring of me and given her history of long term relationships which she ultimately left because of non-commitment from the men. She wanted marriage, they didn't.
A week after I moved in she lied to me about visiting her ex. My friend had seen her out with some one at Panera Bread. I initially believed he was mistaken, but pieces fell together and I figured out that she had lied and when i confronted her about it, she admitted the truth and said that she had hidden it because they were just friends, and being that i just moved in, she didn't want me to be uncomfortable. She began behaving strangely with her phone. She never left it alone with me and even started taking it into the shower with her. This made me extremely uncomfortable and I began suspecting that she was still meeting this ex at Starbucks and Panera. I later verified that she was. I began to pull away and be distant by late September. We were still going out and having fun, but sex slowed down and romance too. A few weeks later everything changed.
She warned me in August that with school starting she may begin to lose her **** and become stressed out and act weird, but to bear with her. I forgot about this warning. By mid-October she began complaining to me about stress--her job, school, finances, family and, finally, me.
It was like a switch went off. It was three and a half weeks ago. On Saturday she had made a statement about how we hadn't spent much time together that week and that she missed me and that we should do something Sunday. Of course i agreed. On Sunday, her room mate moved out (we shared a very large house with another woman). She was stressed over this and spent the evening with her family while i did something else. After a long day of not seeing each other, I came home, crawled into bed with her (where she was already asleep), and she unloaded on me about finances, her room mate moving, our relationship and other, but minor things. I assured her that i'd do anything i could to help her financially, around the house, and asked her to gather her feelings regarding our relationship and talk about it later. I felt confused because just a week prior we were laying in bed talking about how we were planning to conceive children in January. Now she feels unsure of the relationship? What happened?
After a week of tension between us she laid the "i need space and i need to find myself" line on me. She asked me to move out and assured me she didn't want to break up and that it would be positive for both of us. I didn't argue and agreed that i needed space too and that it would be great. She said i didn't have to move immediately and even after i found a place (the next day) she said i didn't have to move so soon and to give a few weeks up to the new year. We began having sex all of the time and she continued to tell me that she loved me, i was the man of her dreams, etc.
A week after she asked me to move out, i moved out. I puppy dogged it though. Twice. A few days after the conversation and then the morning i moved out. I didn't cry. I had only tried to talk her into working on other options and that i loved her and that i'd do anything, etc. She broke up with me. She said that she felt confused and scared and that she didn't know if she wanted family or marriage, etc. She offered no explanation just that she was sacrificing her goals for ours. Of course, these are just lines.
I believe i killed my attraction by distancing myself when i found she was lying to me about her ex and by puppy dogging it a few days after she asked me to move out.
The morning i moved, after a long conversation in which she cried and said she didn't know what was wrong with her and that i was such a good boyfriend, etc., we said our good byes. She said she wanted to be friends and to see where things go in the spring (idk what the spring has to with anything) to which i replied, "absolutely not." she got angry and swore at me and i left.
She restricted me on facebook. I didn't unfriend her because i figured it'd appear childish or spiteful. I did see that she posted on FB "breathing easier" just hours after i left. She also immediately hopped on e-harmony.
By extreme coincidence my friend (whom she doesn't know) saw her at a concert on Friday. She introduced a guy as her friend to the party. As far as i can make out by description, it was her ex. They didn't hold hands, make out or exchange any affection at all despite drinking together all night. She is pro-pda, so i believe this was a platonic meeting which suggests that she didn't have anything going on with her ex, but who knows?
It's clear that this is over for now. Given that she jumped on e-harmony right away tells me that she was ready to move on before i even moved out (or maybe just wants to get laid as she had told me in the past that that is all online dating is good for), but it also tells me that there was no one else. She wasn't cheating (at least not emotionally).
I initiated no contact when i moved out. I have maintained NC since. It's been 11 days and it's killing me. She has not attempted to contact me. I want to contact her, but i'm afraid of being rejected. I also know that this is a cardinal sin anyway. I'm not a PUA nor do i try to be one, but i have read my fair share of self-help literature regarding women.
What should i do? I want her back. Do you see that there is any potential for me winning her back through NC or other means? Better yet, did i do the right thing by leaving? i know that she asked me to, but she had also warned me about this. Also, with exiting the infatuation phase and her finding her own needs valuable again, i feel i just bailed on her instead of trying to work things out. Did i do the right thing? Can any of you see what i may have done wrong? Like i said, it was like a switch went off in her and i just don't get it. One day she adores me as the man of her dreams and wants to bear my children, etc. and then the very next, she wants space. She didn't offer much insight into anything.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.