Hung Up On An Ex, Set Me Straight.

[Zoro]

I already know the answer. I've even told it to myself after previous break ups. I remember having the belief that, "the next relationship/girl will be even better!" and it has come to fruition EVERY time. Yet, I realize a second, trust worthy voice will help still my aching heart.

So, are there really LOTS and LOTS of girls who can and will blow my mind (and penis) away? AND some of those will no doubt be sexier, more fun, more compatible with me, and better fits for relationships with me than my previous experiences? Especially since I've only really had a handful of such experiences?

Really? Cause that's awesome, yet I can't help looking back lately.

So more to the point. How often does it happen that men wonder how they can possibly meet someone that fits so well into their life? Only to meet new women who make them forget all about those "extraordinary" losses.

I understand the caveats here. Those men must be willing to continue their lives as attractive men, pursue women enough to actually meet more women, and not girlfriend up the next half-decent girl because they really believe no one else can top "Her".

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I'm going to give you more personal info, because this is really weighing on me... As much about the implications of my actions and views, as about losing a lover. I want to make sure I don't end a relationship chasing shallow desires, desires that may not serve me as well as I think. I trust GC and the community, so here goes.

Part of why it's hard for me to move on, is that I feel like she may be willing to get back together...

I broke off the relationship. Not because I didn't want her in my life. But rather because I kept hurting her accidentally- pushing too far with the boundaries of our open arrangement and leaving her feeling neglected and emotionally abused by my lack of stability and direction for the relationship. I've since realized many things that lead me to believe I'm less of a risk to her emotionally, but only less of a risk.

There are so many great things about us together, but I also felt lacking in our sexual chemistry and attraction. I feel shallow at times, because she's definitely very attractive, and wonderful. Yet, I want more? And we had an open relationship, I could have more.

If I were to prescribe my own advice, I'd say "Yes, I valued her and it was a great relationship. It's okay to grieve for the loss of something like that, but only for a little bit and then it's time to sack up. And I didn't end it on shallow reasons, it was not only fair to her, but to myself as well. I was not fully attracted to her, in ways I have been with past lovers. I've had 'special' relationships like this again and again. Yes, this one was probably the best emotionally, but there have been close seconds that involved women that I was VERY attracted to- horny for them like a hungry caveman seeing his dinner horny. On top of all this, She and I tried to 'fix' our issues many times. We gave it very thought out and honest attempts. Enough is enough. Besides, I also felt being in a relationship was getting in the way of meeting more women, now that I'm single I'm buckling under the pressure of sailing these uncharted waters, justifying patching things up with someone who clearly isn't as great a match as I keep telling myself she is. Fuck that noise. I have a long bucket list of fun shit I want to do, and I haven't even scratched the surface. It's time to set sail mother fucker. Heart ache is real and shitty, but only as much as I will let it be. Upward and onward to the pussy paradises of the world. Peace".




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[metalbird]

Okay, you said "Set You Straight," so here goes:

You are full of shit. Or rather, your brain is full of hormones.

You contradict yourself so many times. You ask if you will ever find another girl that will compete with your ex sexually, but then go on to say you were "not fully attracted to her, in ways I have been with past lovers" and such.

CLEARLY you were not that into this girl, or you wouldn't have ended it. Not wanting to hurt the other person is a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship. It's also a huge and obvious reason why it will be very easy for you to find a better partner.

I 100% guarantee that unless you cut your dick off or get hit by a bus tomorrow, you will find a girl who you like better, who is a better fit for you, and who you will not want to leave.

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To answer your original question: From my personal experience of talking to many of my guy friends over many years, no, it's rarely a case of constant improvement with every relationship, despite what this site may have you believe. It may be that way for a while, say, in your twenties, but most guys (who are decent with girls and take dating seriously in terms of effort) eventually meet and wind up dating a girl who ranks as #1 for the rest of their lives. Once that happens, one of two things follows. Either they stay with that girl for a very long time and probably start a family with her, or they don't.

However, before your addled brain starts thinking the latter might apply to you, in that case, it's always the girl who leaves the guy, not the other way around. I've never heard of a guy leaving a girl and then going on to regret it for the rest of his life, unless something relatively extraordinary happened to either cause him to end the relationship unwillingly, or cause him to experience a sudden and permanent loss of value/attractiveness shortly after leaving the girl.

I don't have a statistically significant sample size, but for the sake of perspective, it seems about 50/50 to me as far as the chances of a guy "getting" the girl of his dreams or "losing" her. And yes, falling into the latter category is not a pretty thing to see. I have too many guy friends that are shells of their former selves ten or twelve years after losing "the one." It seems to never really go away. Usually what happens is that, after a while, guys in the latter category accept that they aren't going to get another shot like the one they missed, and usually give up on dating for anywhere from a couple years to... well, the rest of their lives. But usually, these guys eventually decide that something is better than nothing and settle into semi-serious relationships with one or a few decent girls, though in their minds the mates they choose never compare to what they lost. I've gotten countless late-night calls from my guy friends, even married ones in their 40s and 50s, bemoaning the loss of that one special girl who broke their heart when they were 27 or whatever. One of my friends even committed suicide almost seven years after the end of a relationship because, despite having many relationships afterwards, he never could get over the loss of that one girl.

So the moral of the story is, life is not a Disney movie. We're not all heroes, and we don't all get the girl in the end. I have been fortunate, in a sense, in that I've yet to find a girl that I feel would be irreplaceable. But I dread the day that I ever do. Just as with physical health, the natural way of things is not a constant progression over the duration of our lives. We all hit a peak eventually, and to use a cliche, "it's all downhill from there."

On that note, it's worth mentioning that even the guys that manage to "secure" the girl of their dreams still hit a peak at some point. Women don't stay pretty forever. Personalities change. Menopause is real. Middle-class alcoholism is real. Empty nesting is real. I hate to say it but, that's the way the world is.

So, enjoy it while it lasts. Savor every minute and, if you're like me, hope you die young and quickly, before you peak.

P.S. I'm incredibly curious to see what Chase, the founder of this site, has to say about all of this (meaning this whole GirlsChase thing) when he's in his fifties.

 

[ramshead]

Get your shit together lol

It’s perfectly fine to feel heartbroken we all need to know what it feels like to grow. Based on your description you’re really young or have not had much experience which is perfectly fine.

Be in control of your emotions by this I mean condition your brain to always be right in your decisions or actions. You can only do this with time. Tell yourself fuck her who needs her she fucked up not me. If you lose a girl for your actions it’s fine you were eventually going to lose her anyway. If you were a dick to her like you said and felt bad your not in control of your emotions.

You need to have more women to be in control of your emotions it feels like your in oneitis. Since you ended the relationship not her. You have to show her you’re sticking to your guns. Right know her emotions are all over the place odds are she will feel anger towards you in a week or two when it passes she will begin to miss you if she liked you.

My suggestion if I was in your shoes is to not contact her until she does first. Give it 7 to weeks and ping her and see how it goes. If she contacts you first keep the text to a minimum and ask her out for a coffee or something on the following day. In the meantime meet new girls, fuck them and have fun.

You are strong you’re a seducer it’s no big deal if you lose one girl. You have options

 

[ThePhoenix]

P.S. I'm incredibly curious to see what Chase, the founder of this site, has to say about all of this (meaning this whole GirlsChase thing) when he's in his fifties.

Have you by any chance read Seppuku's journal? He's 48 and cleaning up on plenty of amazing women including some in their 20s. I could be wrong but I really don't think he's bemoaning the loss of anyone.

The men you speak of in their 40s and 50s, bemoaning the loss of that one special girl, know little of abundance mentality. My guess is they don't have anything like the game that some guys have - the guys who work diligently and cultivate mastery over their own mentality. Any guy who thinks any girl is irreplacable has not mastered himself, let alone girls.

Yes, we're all going to die eventually, but I don't believe for a second that it has to be nearly as bad, nearly as soon as you make it sound like.

I will agree that most guys get fucked up for life. But realize that it's ultimately their own fault, because it's largely within their control to fix.

 

[Zoro]

Thanks everyone.

I just needed to vent. I was all over the place, as you can see from my post.

I haven't contacted her (though I almost did many times).

I sailed away from safe harbor for a reason, so I can't go freaking out and turn around just because I want to kiss land again. I'm looking for treasure.