I am done with Clubs (or how Introverts do Pickup)

[metomeya]

I am done with clubs.

I wanted to believe.

Believe, that if I pushed myself to be more outgoing and opened more girls and people it would become fun. But I'm just not being honest with myself.

Before you read below, I don't mean to badmouth people who go to nightclubs. It is just different and I don't think I belong there.

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Night game: I hate alcohol, the way it taste, the way it makes me feel, and the hangover after. But when I'm at the bar especially early, I find myself ordering one anyways. I spend more money than I budgeted myself. Even the nights I only get water, it doesn't change the other things about the club. I push, I open everyone, girls and guys...but I get this emptiness. I escalate the girls. I touch them, I pull out the tricks I've learned, I even just have a natural conversation without anything premeditated. But I still feel that emptiness. The girls remind me of strippers. Sure strippers can be hot, but you can always tell if a girl is a stripper or not only from looks alone even when they aren't at the striper club. They always seem to have that same look. Club girls are the same. You can always tell if a girl is a club girl by looking at them. And club girls are sluts. Sure normal girls do go to clubs. But thats about 10% or less depending on where you live. And in a dark night club it is hard to tell the difference. The guys there are weird. I open them trying to have friends for the night. But they always seem to be a bit weird like they are drug addicts or something. They are are either covered in tattoos or just have them in weird places. I don't understand the random triangle tattoo on the forearm thing. I go out with my friends as a group and I still get that emptiness.

Bottom line is I doesn't feel right.

Day game: I love the rush when I approach a girl during the day. They are usually all smiles. We have a great conversation and it is just positive feelings all the way around. I feel accomplished and proud afterward. Even when things are bad, I can snap out of it after a few approaches. I still need a place with a high number of targets and high quality targets to do pickup or else I can get depressed very quickly, but besides that I love it.

Bottom line things feel good and always novel in a way.
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One interesting thing is I don't think it is just nightclub but group setting.

Networking events, I've learned how to be more of an extrovert, but I still get that emptiness afterwards. Same with day time pool parties. I open everyone and escalate, but I don't get any emotional rewards.

I think it is introvert vs. extravert. Most introverts do better with a one-on-one setting. At least I do.

I also realized this was something I did naturally when I was younger even when I was known as the quiet guy. And I loved it.

So two take aways:
1.) Trust your feeling, but not necessarily your reactions (e.g. approach anxiety). I still had to fight this to get into one-on-one situations.
2.) Go with your nature first and build on that. Don't try to pickup a skill set that is in direct opposition of your nature. Just how an aircraft uses gravity to build up momentum before flying in his desired direction.

This was an interesting video I watched about introvert. Odd source but they have valid points:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcvleuvJD0w

Peace.

 

[BarryS1]

Metomeya, I just had the same realization about pick-up methods according to personality type. Finding style of pick-up by personality is great for having fun as well!

I do not find 1-on-1 daygame stimulating anymore and starting to love social events more. I feel more alive after talking to ppl all day on 2 hrs. of sleep compared to staying home all day after sleeping 10 hrs. I am an extrovert, but did not have the skills for meeting new people or gaining respect in social settings. I love the rush of talking, but always got picked on as a pushover. Bad combo, I loved being around ppl, even when they insulted me because that was better than nothing. Explains why I stuck to poisonous friendships for so long, it was better than nothing.

GC helped me gain skills for meeting new people and gaining respect in social settings.

Awesome you realized this, just keep at it bro!

This brings up a good question: Should beginners start doing pick-up in areas according to personality type? I would have gained faster by beginning in venues catering to my personality.

 

[Marty]

Metomeya,

Good post.

I have to say I strongly object to your use of the word "sluts", as it goes completely against my principles... by contrast I am glad of the existence of women who love sex.

But other than that, I'm pretty much in agreement with you here. One of the difficulties I have with the nighttime environment is that it conflates "social" with "romantic/sexual", which are for me not only completely separate things, but actually mutually exclusive... if I'm with a girl I like (I mean as a man likes a woman), I don't want anyone else around. At all. (Having said that, I do okay in peripheral social circle if I can get the girl to invest and demand at her own initiative that I be included in any activity.)

One thing you might try is to go to sleep early, say between 9 and 10 PM, then get up around 1.30 AM (set an alarm if you wish, I'm a crappy sleeper so I don't need it) and go downtown. You don't need to drink anything at all. Head into a club around 2 AM (if they'll still let me in, they don't usually charge me cover at that time) and you'll be like a breath of fresh air in your sobriety and superior game to any girls who are tired of getting hit on by clueless men. If they won't let you in, you can try night-street game instead. I've had mixed results with this strategy: girls will ask "Have you just arrived?" in a pleasant way, but you have to be assertive, as drunk men will physically pull them away from you. One of the advantages (from our perspective) is that you're expressly NOT having a good time, you're there because you mean business. If nothing works out, you can always just go back to sleep.

On this point:

They always seem to have that same look. Club girls are the same. You can always tell if a girl is a club girl by looking at them.

As I said before I am not going to make assumptions about promiscuity because I support each person's own choice of sexual activity and believe that all should be treated with dignity regardless. But in terms of that "look", Chase gave an extremely interesting reply to my comment on his recent article that gives great insight into the differing psychologies of club and non-club women.

Concerning this:

They are usually all smiles. We have a great conversation and it is just positive feelings all the way around. I feel accomplished and proud afterward.

Agree wholeheartedly... was just writing about this to another forum member.

-Marty

 

[metomeya]

Funny, I did the whole sleep early thing and going to the club at 1:00am. It was the only way I got over going to a club solo. It worked, but still I'm an introvert and like the one-on-one better.

I'm glad to hear that Barry says he is just the opposite. I think everyone should consider their personality and strengths before deciding how to apply PUA.

So you might be asking, are you introvert or extrovert?

I think new book Quiet: The Power of Introverts says it best that introverts recharge their batteries by being alone while extroverts recharge their batteries by being with a crowd. One isn't better than the other, each has their own strengths and weaknesses. Extrovert are more likely to get addictive behaviors like gambling and drugs, while an introvert is more prone to not getting what he wants and suffering in silence.

 

[trashKENNUT]

metomeya,

Some notes, i read your post, not all but a few things i like to share

I found that clubs tend to be an "emotional validation arena" for girls, and when you have local facebook page and photographers for the club, you know this girls are just harder to get.

Have you read Chase different types of clubs article. It will help.

p.s I have went to different types of clubs, i realize Chase article is spot on but on certain nights, they have "elites" people in the club, that's another topic altogether. I guess it's all different ways to handle different clubs.

Zac

 

[Estate]

It's a good topic.

I have to admit, my inbuilt trait is more of an introvert. I've made strides but while I do enjoy bars and clubs, I have great fun drinking with my friends... I never quite feel at home bouncing around a nightclub hitting on girls. It always feels a little like "Well... I've GOT to do this to get some rewards" rather than feeling like I walk into a club and that it's MY environment.

Having said that... game where it's comfortable.

Nightclubs especially are a unique setting. The thing I've learned is that even if you DO begin to make strides and get the rewards in this environment, it really comes down to what you define as a success for you. Something that's really dawned on me is that girls DO have that inflated ego in these environments. You could meet the same girl on the street the next day and she wouldn't look even half as stunning but the environment makes them so much harder to game. Or at least initially, you need to get into their state of mind. Once you're there, you're good...

The other part I found is this... it's a fickle environment. It's all about what you can bring to the party. So sure, you can meet and take a girl home, probably get a ton of numbers but in the cold hard light of day, the following day... the party is over. If you're looking to turn these girls into wifey material.. you might be looking in the wrong place. If you really just want to meet and hookup with girls... it's a lot easier... her high investment in you in the moment means hookups are possible but anything more is a tough struggle.
If you meet a girl in "party mode"... spend a short time with her and get a number then vanish into the night, chances are she's totally forgotten the next day.

Of course I'm generalizing... I'm just speaking in terms of the more likely scenario in real party-mode environments.

 

[Marty]

her high investment in you in the moment

Does this mean all the effort she has made to do her makeup, her hair, selected flattering clothing to make herself look beautiful? Is that what you mean by "investment" in the nighttime environment?

 

[Estate]

her high investment in you in the moment

Does this mean all the effort she has made to do her makeup, her hair, selected flattering clothing to make herself look beautiful? Is that what you mean by "investment" in the nighttime environment?

Well... I'm making the assumption that at the time she hasn't met you yet... so all that time might be for her, her girls, or "some" guy she might meet.
But what I really mean is that you can meet a girl in this environment and anywhere between 5 minutes or an hour later have her hanging off your every word, making out, grinding with you, even leaving with you.. that's the type of investment that I meant.

But the difference I see is... if a girl is hanging off you after 5 minutes... it's not "real". I mean, there are exceptions but in that moment she is into hooking up. Sometimes it may take a lot of game, sometimes not... but I wouldn't be planning a wedding just yet. It's a fickle environment... 5 minutes later she could be making out with someone else... even if you take her home... she could be doing the same with another guy tomorrow.

It's a little bit of a false economy. At first clubs seem IMPOSSIBLE. But once you get it, it's quite easy to hook up. But it depends what yu consider a success. If hooking up is what you want, you've won! If you are looking for a girl longerterm... I don't think it's the most reliable of environment.

Just thoughts on my experience. Of course, there's always exceptions and I do know people who've met their partners in these environments too.

 

[Zoro]

Just want to put my two cents in here.

Perhaps for night game you could find environments that in addition to them bringing in sexy ladies, you actually enjoy the atmosphere yourself.

When I go out to a club, I usually have more motivation than just picking up girls.

I actually like dancing. I dance salsa at a salsa bar. I also dig trance music so if a club consistently plays music that I like and draws a cool crowd, then I will check it out.

This goes for bars as well. My city has a great bar music scene and cool bands play all the time. I go to the bars for the bands (I don't drink) and if I happen to see a cute girl, well...

That being said a great alternative to the bar and club scene, is going to small/medium scale concerts. Find a cool standing room venue that holds about 100-300 people and you will find that they have all sorts of cool bands, musicians, and events going on that attractive a whole different crowd than whom you will find at clubs depending on the type of music.

As for girls I would rather meet them during the day for many reasons, but going out to a club/bar/concert means you're definitely going to be running into a lot of girls.

If you go out for the sole purpose to pick up thats fine, however it will help to be in an environment that YOU enjoy as well. Those nights you're faced with an onslaught of rejection, you'll still enjoying yourself.

Estate says it well

it really comes down to what you define as a success for you.

Although, I believe he was referring to results with women when he said this, I think it applies here as well.

- J Wickwickwick

P.s.

Another good idea is to make friends with people at these places. When I'm out, I go out alone yet I always run into people I know and this definitely makes the night more fun.

Chase's article on shotgun opening is great for this.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/shotg ... ater-night

I think it is introvert vs. extravert. Most introverts do better with a one-on-one setting. At least I do.

I came to a realization after reading Chase's article (the man is good at what he does!) on types of sexiness found here https://www.girlschase.com/content/3-fla ... tive-vibes

I would find it difficult to talk to people, have fun in crowded environments and especially approach women during the day... Why? Because I was trying to be as smooth as possible. Being smooth means slow but powerful and magnetic. The smooth man is focused and approaching a ton of people is just not his style. Adopting the high energy of the dynamic/talkative man made so much sense and eased all my interactions in large group settings and approaching during the day. Perhaps this can work for you too, especially applied to day game. Remember to combine sexy with high energy though!

One thing you might try is to go to sleep early, say between 9 and 10 PM, then get up around 1.30 AM (set an alarm if you wish,

I do this too!

 

[Estate]

Another alternative is to just change up where you go.

For example... In my home town, the trend with people is to meet at a bar for a few drinks then go over to the club around 11/12 to dance. So you meet the same kind of people at both.
In my current city, that's not at all the case.... there are dive bars, Irish bars, upscale lounges, after work bars, clubs, bars that have dancing... they all have different "scenes". You meet different people at them all.
Personally the club scene here is not for me. I wouldn't meet anyone my own age, like working professionals, etc... the girls really aren't my type and not what I'd consider hot anyway, just sort of trashy. Upscale bars where people go for cocktails or a drink after work is much more my scene but this crowd wouldn't be into thumping music and dancing.

In pickup circles Clubs seem to be hailed as some sort of mecca of Game. Of course you can game there and get "club hot" girls but it's not for everyone. Game where you feel comfortable and like the people.

 

[metomeya]

Thanks guy!

In the end I don't think night game is for me. Unless we bring the girls, then it is just for fun and dancing, I'm not interested.

Ultimately, clubs are just for fun not for chasing after sex!