I am short

[DMan77]

I'm pretty damn short. About 5'3.

This used to kill me inside, but I've grown a lot and I'm now very happy with who I am, and confident that I can offer a lot to the people in my life. I'm generally a very happy guy now, and I'm not afraid to talk to anyone.

That said, I still struggle to meet women. In the outside world I talk to everyone and I'm not afraid to approach... But I struggle to escalate, flirt or build any kind of sexual tension. In the online dating world, I get very few responses, which I feel is tied to my height.

I'm wondering if the tools here are for me... I've seen a lot of dating advice, but I always believe it's geared towards the taller guys out there, who just need to build up their confidence to succeed...

So in the experience of those who have read and listened to the material... Is this the place for me? How much does my height factor into the advice and lessons I see?

Thanks all.

 

[Pato]

Hey DMan,

Being short will give you a few less options, but eventually when you start improving your skills and getting better with women it will become less and less of a factor. I remember an article that Chase said one of the first guys he met who was very smooth and very good with women was a pudgy 5'3 Puerto Rican (someone correct me if I am wrong), that only slept with beautiful women who had at least 4 inches on him, and he slept with A LOT of these women. Although you may be short and lose some prospects at first, it is something that you can work around and get past.

If you are looking to improve with women, then this is the place for you. Your whole game, how you approach certain situations, and your mindsets will change for the better. Your height won't really change the effectiveness of the advice given here, as I am around 5'9 (not too bad though) and I can say that the advice has been working for me. It should also work for a guy that is 6'4 and a guy who is 5'3. You may have to adjust a little bit, but for the most part the advice here will work. The stuff on both the boards and the blog posts will help you tremendously in many ways.

Make sure that you own the fact that you are short, because the less of a big deal it is to you, the less it is to women as well. If you are insecure about your height, many times they will be too. You seem to have this down for the most part, but don't let it get in the way of you going out and getting the girl(s) that you want. Maybe some of the others can give you some more advice on how to do things specifically when you're short, but it shouldn't be anything too special.

Welcome aboard,
-Pato

 

[Estate]

Honestly... yes, these tools are absolutely for you.
It cliche but the truth is that it's only a problem if you feel insecure about it and make it a problem for yourself. If you feel bad about it, it'll show in your body language, but if you just don't care and know you've got loads of great qualities it won't matter at all.

I won't completely BS you... some women like tall men and some like short men. You can't get them all.
But I only say that because some women like skinny guys, some like well built, some like pale, some like tanned, some like rockstar long hair, some like shaved heads.
Some women might not be into short guys if she is 6ft. Other shorter girls will totally be into you... but even that 6ft tall girl could end up being overwhelmed by such an awesome charismatic charming interesting guy that she can't even tell why she is drawn to you even if she traditionally hasn't dated shorter guys... if you use these tools.

I'll give you my story...
Things everyone tells me I have going for me: I'm 6'1" and I have an Irish accent living in America. And I am sick to death of guys and girls telling me "You must get all the girls..."
Why? Because it's BS. Those things don't get you girls if you can't talk to them and attract them.
When I was younger and looked in the mirror I saw none of that. I saw a guy who was pale as f*** when all the guys here are tanned. I saw myself as scrawny when other guys were gymrats. I saw guys with long hair and cool hairdos and I hated that my hair was too thin to grow out.

See... it's all subjective! We all pick out our flaws... you might say you're short but someone else might say you are an awesome looking dude, or have some awesome stuff going for you.

Anyway... long story short... over time I began to see my good characteristics and focused on those. Now I feel a lot better about myself and with the things I've learned here girls are attracted to me more than before but it's all down to my confidence and attitude... when I turn that on I do great and nobody cares what my hair is like or that I'm not tanned. I even laugh about it. I was with a really dark skinned girl last weekend and she was joking the next morning that I'm so white so I joked she can tell her friends about the awesome taned buff Irish dude she just banged the night before... we both laughed, I kissed her and she blew me... simple as... I owned it. And she didn't care about it anymore.

 

[DMan77]

Thank you both very much, that makes me feel better about being here and about the things I'll learn.

I know that I need to be realistic in my search. Everyone has preferences, but a lot of times I definitley lost my confidence and assumed my height wrote me off everywhere.

One thing I'd like to ask about is the idea of 'owning' it...

I flip flop back and fourth about not bringing up my height in conversations or bringing it up by illustrating confidently that I am who I am, and that I'm comfortable with it.

This is especially true online. Many of the girls post their desired height, and even for the shortest ones, it's always 5 9 and up. Sometimes I want to comment on that in part of an email with something like "What I might be missing in your eyes in height, I more than make up for in personality." Or "I may be shorter than the men you've dated to this point, but I promise I'll make you smile more"... Those are just quick examples.

I haven't said anything like that yet because I don't know if owning it means bringing attention to it and showing that I'm comfortable with who I am, or not even referencing it because it's such a small part (no pun intended) of who I am overall.

Make sense? Any tips?

 

[Estate]

Being totally honest...
Search for my thread on online dating... it's a disaster. To be honest your height will factor in much more online. Just as someone's religion, hair color, interest, etc... all play a role. It's because there is no "real life" aspect to it. You can go on, filter through a list of criteria and only reply to those who match.
But in the real world that's not how it works... A girl can easily write you off online whereas if she met you in person and saw how awesome you were then that unexplained (for her) attraction can be apparent.

I mean, I've had the exact same experience online. A girl once even messaged me back saying she thought I was cute and liked everything in my profile but the website said we were 68% match and she requires at least a 75% match so wished me luck.
Honestly... I was like.... "WTF?". She totally wrote me off because I answered "Dogs" and she answered "Cats" or some crap like that and some magic formula created by the website said we were not compatible enough. Girls like this crap. If she met me in person, do you think our first conversation would be about whether we like cats or dogs? Hell no, she'd see how cool a person I am and wouldn't give a crap.
I also took down my religion. I was raised Catholic but I'm not crazy catholic, I hardly practice... but I noticed girls noticing it. They'd ask up front because they see Catholic on a profile and think I'm some bible bashing Christian... girls who liked it usually WERE bible bashing Christians and some girls of other faiths brought it up as a reason we couldn't date... yet in real life, it never comes up. If she likes me she likes me and doesn't even ask what religion I am. See where this is going? Online dating can give you a complex about this stuff... get offline and go meet real girls.

"Owning" it though doesn't mean qualifying yourself up front about it. Don't lead by saying you're short. The whole point is that you give so little thought to it and are so cool and confident in yourself that you don't even consider the fact that she would be not attracted to you. And that shines through in your personality if you believe it. I mean, if SHE brings it up jokingly, then you don't want to qualify yourself on why you are so great... you brush it off with another joke comment about it, it can be self deprecating as long as you say it in a joking way like you don't really believe it then move on the conversation... again, you care so little about it that she can make all the comments she wants. You just don't want to come off flustered or bothered in any way by the comment, you roll with it, brush it off and continue being awesome.