I can't , Im tired today

[johnydones]

isn't it a classic line . I have this girl i have been intimate with already , she came over to my place and when i tried to escalate she told me "i can't , im really tired today , i was sick last few days" . I ignored it for the first few times but she got up and said "ok i really have to go now , im working tomorrow" .

I was still in bed , she returned , sat on top of me and said "i want to torture you a bit because you did not call last few days" (i really didn't and why would i) I think its a boyfriend trap , do you also think so ?

I began escalating once more and she said again "i have to go now , really" , got up again and put on her shoes.

Because i read here that you should not look desperate for pussy , i also got up , acting unmoved by her refusal of sex and took her home. Before she went out of my car she wanted a kiss , i kissed her briefly and said "ok , you had enough of that for today"

I think this is just her trying to convert me to a boyfriend. What do you think about it , what do you do when you get this classic "im tired" line.

 

[Franco]

JD,

I was still in bed , she returned , sat on top of me and said "i want to torture you a bit because you did not call last few days" (i really didn't and why would i) I think its a boyfriend trap , do you also think so ?

This usually happens if there was something you did (or didn't do) that she wasn't too fond of; however, it usually has to do more with not meeting expectations that you already set. For example, if you were calling her every single day and then you suddenly went a whole week without calling her, she's going to be upset because she's expecting you to do one thing and you're not doing it. As a side note, this is why I try to contact women I plan on seeing more than once as least frequently as possible. I don't like to set the expectation that our relationship is based on contacting each other frequently by SMS or phone call.

Girls also know that sex is the strongest tool in their arsenal for controlling a relationship -- most needy men will begin to comply with demands as soon as the sex starts to disappear, so it's important that you hold that strong frame that you are in control. It seems like you did that rather well, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

With that being said, if this is a girl you've been seeing for awhile (at least 2 months or possibly longer), then it could be that she is trying to tie you down as a boyfriend. I had a few girls do similar things to this when the casual relationship started to drag on for awhile. She needs to make her best attempt to tie you down so that she isn't wasting her time if she's looking for something serious.

If this is a new relationship, then it's likely the aforementioned scenario, though. Make sure you set solid expectations about how your relationship is going to be by displaying those expectations before you even bed a girl for the first time. =)

- Franco

 

[johnydones]

I think its the first scenario then , we have been seeing each other for about 2-3 weeks. At first i was not the one sending messages at all , she was texting me just to chat but i cut it short usually. I only sent sms to arrange a meet. Then she was no longer sending chatty messages , it boiled down to me sending sms to arrange a date. So i did not send anything for 3 days and she started busting my balls about it like "look who finally called".

She is not some young naive girl , she is 26 y.o. and quite experienced from the looks of it. So there is some game to it , i held my ground so far with tips from GC but i think i botched it a bit now.

What do you think , should i just ignore it and continue calling just when i feel like meeting her, or send occasional text ? Should i wait for some time or im good to go after 2-3 days to set up another meet?

Edit : next time this happens , with this or any other girl i am thinking to say "Ok , let's go , now you can't have me even if you begged" with a bit of smirk. Does it sound good ?

Thanks

-JD

 

[Franco]

What do you think , should i just ignore it and continue calling just when i feel like meeting her, or send occasional text ? Should i wait for some time or im good to go after 2-3 days to set up another meet?

She could be an outlier case and might be screening extremely hard for a boyfriend, but it's not quite as common. Also, it helps to do a few things with her other than sex when you hang out (such as grab some food or watch a movie afterward). If she feels too much like a booty call when it's not really what she's looking for, she could try to bail or push things forward faster.

If you aren't looking for something serious with her, I would pretty much just ignore anything she said at the moment and just continue what you've been doing from the start (and play off anything else as not a big deal). If she continues to see you but withholds the sex from you, then you might just better off moving on to other girls.

- Franco

 

[Eric]

I've had this happen a few times.

It could be a multitude of things but usually I found it to be auto-rejection.

I push whenever I get this immediately now because it's a escalation window that's extremely hot.

I walked by a store with a girl that smiled at me, I fingered her over and asked her out for coffee. She said maybe and we exchanged numbers. Met up with her after her work a couple hours later after she was giving me "I don't know, I'm pretty tired we should do this another day". Pushed past that and told her we would have a lot of fun. We ended up making out on top of her car soon thereafter, to which she gave me another REALLY hot escalation window. "I just like to be difficult", 'What are you like when you're not difficult?","Right now.", kissed her and that was a GLARING signal for me to pull her into her car, but then I hesitated for only a few seconds and she decided to go home because she was again, tired. I didn't push for the last 5% and I never saw her again. Was never ever able to get her out, went into complete auto-rejection.

I feel like it's a case of unmet expectations, like franco said. My expectations were high and to move the interaction towards sex, but I hesitated and gave up.

Looks like it's a bit too late for you now, sadly.

 

[Marty]

JD: I've been following this, although not commenting as I'm not confident I can help...

Eric: that's fascinating what you write here—

I hesitated for only a few seconds and she decided to go home because she was again, tired. I didn't push for the last 5% and I never saw her again. Was never ever able to get her out, went into complete auto-rejection.

I had this exact thing happen to me on an interaction last November 1: the very first one I'd class as in any way "successful" (despite failing to close out) since starting to learn seduction as a formal process. Obviously I had nowhere near your level of assurance and was stumbling around clumsily by comparison, but it is an eye-opener for me that even an "advanced" fellow like you can lose out, in a weak moment, by taking these frivolous objections at face-value.

-Marty

 

[Eric]

JD: I've been following this, although not commenting as I'm not confident I can help...

Eric: that's fascinating what you write here—

I hesitated for only a few seconds and she decided to go home because she was again, tired. I didn't push for the last 5% and I never saw her again. Was never ever able to get her out, went into complete auto-rejection.

I had this exact thing happen to me on an interaction last November 1: the very first one I'd class as in any way "successful" (despite failing to close out) since starting to learn seduction as a formal process. Obviously I had nowhere near your level of assurance and was stumbling around clumsily by comparison, but it is an eye-opener for me that even an "advanced" fellow like you can lose out, in a weak moment, by taking these frivolous objections at face-value.

-Marty

Yeah, that was awhile back for me. These days I have new problems. I'm running into what Chase experienced in How Girls Show Interest where I will get.. not exactly escalation windows because they don't close so quickly, but indicators that they want me to have sex with them... incredibly fast. Like, within minutes. I'll pick them up and then they'll ask "so, what do you want to do?" (basically, where are we going to have sex?), and then my mind goes crazy doing mental gymnastics figuring out logistics in the middle of the day, in my car, 35 minutes from my place, and cursing at myself in my head. "Fuck, where?!? Is that a park? Fuck it! We're going THERE". "Parking lot?!? GOOD ENOUGH", "IS THAT A ROOFTOP? CAN WE CLIMB THAT? SHIT". Or conversation will die really quick for some reason, much sooner than it does usually, like it does when you're about to get intimate and it's like... Dammit, sex? Right now? Alright fine.

I read your report, it seems as though you could have pulled her when passing her by, missed that window. You could have tugged her down onto the bench at night as well, missed that window I think (not sure if it was empty / private enough to escalate sex). Could have got hot and heavy with the kissing at her place at the end, and then pushed her inside instead of asking. Love your colorful language by the way, I learned so much from writing for girlschase. My vocabulary was reinvented and it carried over into my conversations. I Would get compliments on the depth of my vocabulary from girls.

"okay", half-jokingly, "nice talking to you". Panic briefly crosses her face and she assures me she'll be right back.

You had her wrapped around your finger if that's how she responded. I think you did indeed push her into auto-rejection by being too slow. With that much investment you could have walked around without saying anything and she would have followed. So basically you were just needing to find a place to get alone with her most of the time.

Example: Hey, I need to grab something from my room, come with me. Bam.

 

[johnydones]

Franco was talking about expectations you have set regarding phone calls , so if you call every other day and do not call for a week she might get upset.

What you said about auto-rejection is the case if you have not been intimate with that girl already , i had that recently too, the girl went cold completely next time i saw her.

I already slept with this girl , so even though i could have insisted escalating and ending up with sex , it's a risk that you will look needy for sex and she will use that against you next time.

Like Chase said , before you have sex with her you have very little room for errors , after sex you can afford a few mistakes if she likes you.