Socializing I can't seem to make friends. What am i doing wrong?

[Ryan]

For almost all my life, i've been raised in low populated areas, which had very few, if any, children my age.

So for my entire childhood and teenage life, i've done nothing but play by myself outside, read books and and play video games. I never had the typical teenage lifestyle of going to parties, getting drunk and having sex. All the people in my class used to talk about this, but i was never invited. I tried being friendly with everyone, but a lot of people aren't very welcoming. (I did have 1 friend throughout my whole life though. We only went fishing together some weekends).

Moving on, i just relocated to the city, and everything is so much more exciting. And the great thing is that there are so many foreign girls everywhere! (Apparently only 45% of london's population is white british). I'm beginning to stop my shyness from causing me trouble, but i've got a lot of work to do.

But when i joined university a few months ago, it was a total repeat of what happened at school! And now i'm again the loner of the class. Most of my class were invited to a party and ice-skating event apart from me. No-one sits next to me during class either.

I try to make friends like this:
1. Introduce myself to as many people as possible. Be smiling, warm, polite and friendly to all.
2. Hang around with the people i seem to get along with most. Just stand outside the periphery of their group and try to be welcomed in, or just try and keep talking with a group member.
3. Repeat the next day. Keep trying to talk with more of the people in that group. Try to become closer with the people i seem to connect with most.
4. Continue repeating until they accept me as a friend.

This was the same process i've been using all my life, and it hasn't really got me anyone.

But the people who seem to be potential friends always fade and disappear from my life. They may contact me first once (at the beginning), but i'm otherwise always the person to text them first, asking them how they're doing, if they're free, etc.
And they will always reply with the same 1-2 word replies, to my usual 2 lines of text. Yes, no, maybe, lol or ok. If i ask them a question, they'll usually respond with as few words as possible (like uing the 1 word answers).

So now i'm spending my days alone again, but i don't want it to be like this all my life. What should i do?

 

[Amadeaus]

Sorry you are having a rough time making new friends man. I've had some pretty lonely holidays myself.

I'm sure someone on here will stop by and give you some great advice, but i'll also share something with you as well...

When I was getting my sociology degree, I took a class with that my adviser taught. It was a class about film, but he was a former psyops officer and a section of the class was about military films. He did a lot of research about the military and liked to incorporate it into his lectures. One thing that really stuck with me was his point about the bonds that soldiers get from going to war with each other. Any traumatic event or struggle you go through with someone will bring you closer together.

Many of my buddies, that I went to Iraq with, have stayed in contact with me. I still consider these guys my closest friends. The same goes with the people that I met through ROTC. My point here is that, if you want really close friends, it will be hard to create that from nothing. Maybe you don't have the opportunity to go to war at the moment, but you have plenty of opportunities for group activities.

So seek out those opportunities to struggle through something with people. Group projects, sports, etc...

Also, make sure you are hitting the gym. People also like attractive people.

 

[Ryan]

Sorry you are having a rough time making new friends man. I've had some pretty lonely holidays myself.

I'm sure someone on here will stop by and give you some great advice, but i'll also share something with you as well...

When I was getting my sociology degree, I took a class with that my adviser taught. It was a class about film, but he was a former psyops officer and a section of the class was about military films. He did a lot of research about the military and liked to incorporate it into his lectures. One thing that really stuck with me was his point about the bonds that soldiers get from going to war with each other. Any traumatic event or struggle you go through with someone will bring you closer together.

Many of my buddies, that I went to Iraq with, have stayed in contact with me. I still consider these guys my closest friends. The same goes with the people that I met through ROTC. My point here is that, if you want really close friends, it will be hard to create that from nothing. Maybe you don't have the opportunity to go to war at the moment, but you have plenty of opportunities for group activities.

So seek out those opportunities to struggle through something with people. Group projects, sports, etc...

Also, make sure you are hitting the gym. People also like attractive people.

Hey, thanks Amadeus for the reply. I think you're right. I think it's a good idea to join something like that. In fact, your post inspired me to join a social club that'll meet up for sports and other related things next week. Hopefully things will turn out good.

However, I think i should clarify my post a bit more and say, instead of friends, how can i get people to appreciate and respect me? Lots of close friends is not what i need right now (due to lots of studying, i don't have time to go out all the time), but I do need respect and appreciation from others, so i won't be left by myself in class all the time, and uninvited to social gatherings. I don't get upset by this because this is normal for me, but i do think this is an area that'll enhance my life greatly. The more connections I have and the more people have respect for me, the more successful i'll be in later life.

When women can be seduced by me, and men can respect and look up to me, then i'll be a very successful and powerful man indeed.

 

[Smurf]

Yo.

Try making a list of the things you're good at, then throughout the day try and find ways you can spread your knowledge/skill with someone you want to make your friend. I think Chase has an article on it called front loading your value or something like that. But if you're smart, for example, offer to help with someone's homework. I hope that helps.

Jake.

 

[Ryan]

Yo.

Try making a list of the things you're good at, then throughout the day try and find ways you can spread your knowledge/skill with someone you want to make your friend. I think Chase has an article on it called front loading your value or something like that.
Jake.

Okay, will look into it. Thanks

But if you're smart, for example, offer to help with someone's homework.
Jake.

Fuck that!

 

[Thedoctor]

But if you're smart, for example, offer to help with someone's homework.
Jake.

Fuck that!

Ryan,

It's not a bad idea to offer something. Just make sure you're getting something in return. Otherwise, you just become a person that people use for favours and it becomes a very one-sided friendship, with you giving lots and getting nothing in return.

If your fundamentals are good and you're a good conversationalist, people will naturally flock to you and want to become friends with you. Maybe it seems strange that a guy would care about your fundamentals, but the company you keep reflects the type of person you are. And generally, you develop friends who have a lot of like-minded outlooks as you do. So good fundamentals will attract other people who have them as well. And conversation keeps them around.

Here's the article Jake was referring to. Lots of great info on that one: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-m ... riendships

Happy Ho Ho!

-Doc