I dont know...

[Godsninja]

I don't really know how to begin this question. All I know is that I've really been going out there, almost every day, talking to and meeting dozens of new women since the start of September. At first I was keeping a chart, so I could compete with myself, but school started getting intense so I stopped, and also spent my breaks doing school work instead of loafing around meeting girls. I'd still meet lots of girls, because they're everywhere at my school, but I know that I need to get a really good mark. That is my goal, that is what I'm aiming for academically.

So I recently went through my phone a little while ago, and I've realized I actually racked up quite a lot of numbers, like over 2 dozen. I've recently deleted ALL of them though, minus my lab partners, and a cool guy friend I met at the campus concert... here's why...

I know how the saying goes, not everyone is going to like you, but out of all the girls I've met in the past month and a bit, I can't understand why NON of them like me. There are some girls I met that I would love to date, others that I'd love to be in open relationships with. But no matter what, the girls never seem to want to do anything with me, and this combined with the girl that I met this summer that had to leave me, is just making me so depressed. I can't stop falling into random tear sessions, like a GD bitch.

I think I might have been slightly depressed before, but I've always had a stressful life at home, and I recently moved out into my grandmas place, which is a GREAT place to study.

So that's pretty much it. This girl I met during the summer, she was basically my unofficial girlfriend. I was so into her, and she was SO into me. Like fuck, I can't even describe it really. We knew we couldn't stay together because she had to go back west to NB, but she was so beautiful, and so uplifting, always telling me to love myself, and that a girl will come along and fuck my brains out.

Now it seems like the opposite is true. All these girls I meet give me such positive reactions, YA I KNOW. And that's the fucking thing, I got absolutely NO results. I mean I'm a good looking guy, I'm getting out there, putting it balls to the walls, studying my engineering, OR PU, all fucking day, and the answer?

0

I just want to die. I mean I know this is suppose to be a positive forum and what not, but this is just fucked. I...I'm just tired.

I thought I got over her, I mean it ended near the end of June, so that's almost 4 whole months. I was NEVER this upset over missing her, and I've been going crazy on my abundance mentality, but how can I keep it up if I have ZERO results....

I can't... the fucking lion doesn't need the approval of sheep, but if it has no gazelle to eat, it's going to die. That's a fact.

I dono... my sadness now is different than what it used to be. I got something to do now, study, but I don't even care. I have personal needs other than just academic needs. I can't concentrate on studying if nobody even wants me. I've been improving myself over the summer so much. I have a hyuuge list of girls chase articles in my favorites folder waiting to be read, but school is a priority. BUT, I really don't even want someone to say "focus on school, not girls", because I AM. But, I'm naturally going to strive for what I desire, and just like you, I have different desires in different parts of my life.

My academic life is thriving, my financial life is limping but making it, and my personal life is tired of pulling an empty carriage and is running for the edge of the cliff.

It brings me great sadness, to mention that I've also stopped approaching and talking to girls (If it was not implied earlier), for the most part. I really tried, and I'm not one to keep wasting my time on something with no results. I have other things to strive for. So here's my question. How can I either:
a) Give-up and forget all about it and the girl of my dreams that I lost during the summer, or
b) Make all this shit that's bringing me down not matter, so I can get back out there and effectively bring girls into my life, that are actually fucking interested in me.

Thanks for reading
- Godsninja

 

[ocantu1987]

Do you work out bro? hitting the weights has helped my depression big time and my confidence too haha

 

[Godsninja]

Whenever I got time I do. I used to almost every day in the Summer, now it's like twice a month.
Think I'll go today after class..

 

[Thedoctor]

Godsninja,

I posted a reply regarding mental disorders here:
viewtopic.php?f=8&t=3262

Nowhere near as good as Chase's post on depression. If you haven't read it, here's the link:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-o ... depression

Is the negative response you've been receiving from girl's the main problem causing your depression or are there other factors going on? If it's just the girls thing, then you'll need to change a bit of your mindset. If there's more going on, then, hopefully there's something you can take from the above article.

Here is an important point that people often forget when they're learning something new: You're supposed to have fun! Of course it's important to take things seriously and apply yourself 100%. It's great that you're applying yourself by going out and meeting girls, you have to. But every now and then you need to just go out for the fun of it. Don't put any pressure on yourself to approach anyone. You're just going out to unwind, maybe have a couple drinks, chat with friends and randoms. Just having a good time in general. You should still apply a bit of what you learned, particularly your fundamentals. Go out well dressed, good body language etc. But just tell yourself for that particular night, you'll just enjoy yourself regardless of what happens. If a cute girl approaches you (which may actually happen, the no-stress mentality can often have people flocking to you), then by all means try to chat her up and see where things go. But once again, you're out to have fun so it doesn't matter what happens.

If you don't occasionally have nights like these, it will just leave you constantly stressed and wanting to give up. And the most important thing to keep in mind is a lot of guys have been where you are. If it were easy, this and other sites like it wouldn't exist.

Hang in there!
-Doc

 

[Godsninja]

Before I say anything, I'd like to thank you thedoctor, and any others that replied.
doctor, you've gotten me thinking, and I already feel a little better. I see some real hope in the near future.

Yea....I talked to my doctor about half a year ago, although it felt like a few weeks ago, and while I thought I was bipolar (my mom kept telling me this too), he said it seemed as if i had mild depression, I think he said (mild) dysthymia. I just wiki'd it, and the description actually looks pretty bang on."... is a mood disorder consisting of the same cognitive and physical problems as in depression, with less severe but longer-lasting symptoms."

I read chases article, I understood it, and I really liked it. I'll look through it again when I get some time. I loved the thing he talked about, about blocking out negative thoughts and rationalizing the bad things into some-what positive things. I actually wrote that down at the top of my onenote page. "shut out negative thoughts" ahaha, I should start doing that again. It's gonna be a lot tougher this time than when I first started, cuz I started on a pretty good note.

But ya, this girls thing got pretty mfin down. I read somewhere that the guys who try to get somewhere with a women often end up doing much worse than the guys just in it to learn and have fun. I always kept that in the back of my mind, always..but I guess I ended up fallin victim to it...

After this weekend I'll jump right back on the horse, and most likely continue to scare away beautiful and amazing girls from my life.

I'll be keeping this topic up to date...I know that I'll need to come back here at least once before this terrible storm blows over...

GODDAMNIT IT I WISH I COULD FIGHT EMOTIONS, WHY CAN'T WE!? IN OUR DREAMS? IN OUR SUBCONSCIOUS?
WHERE IS THE ANSWER TO ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS!?

 

[Godsninja]

What I've been doing during the past month and a bit, is meeting many attractive young women, talking to them anywhere from 30 seconds to 15 minutes, and asking if they'd like to do something with me sometime. We'd then exchange numbers, and most of the time pass a few texts. What has happened every single time, minus 1 or maybe 2 times, is that we'd never end up actually doing anything.

So basically:
I have problems with getting any further action/effort/commitment from woman, once we've exchanged numbers. This results in either no results, or results that would require considerable time and effort (aka, the old way of doing things, which I don't think is the right way) to achieve, if any.

I think I get what's happening... I mean, a girl is supposed to be EXCITED to get to meet you, EXCITED to talk with you, but I'm not getting that once we got each others number, and I know that putting in more effort isn't the key... but I'm just not quite sure how to fix it. At first I thought it was that there wasn't much of a connection, but that line of thought was complete baloney. I'm not the kind of guy to ask for a woman's number if I don't like here, and if she isn't on my level, and can't connect with me, or if I can't connect with her, I ain't likin her.

So I want to keep going, and I will, but here is my million dollar question:
What can I do differently that will make women excited to see me again?

 

[Franco]

Godsninja,

This has come up several times before on the board, but one of the important things you should do is get her to move with you before you ask her for the number. A great way to get investment from a girl is to see if she'll follow your lead. It doesn't even have to be a big move -- you can ask her to sit down a nearby wall or chair or you can ask her to move out of the aisle or street so that she follows you.

Once you get a girl to see you're a guy that leads and that she's willing to follow, she'll be a lot more likely to invest in you again in the future... and preferably in the form of a date.

So try getting a girl to move with you before you grab her number, and feel free to persist a bit if she seems interested but hesitant. From there, you'll probably see your conversion rate go up when you text her to ask her for a date.

Hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[PrettyDecent]

Franco,

Once you get a girl to see you're a guy that leads and that she's willing to follow, she'll be a lot more likely to invest in you again in the future... and preferably in the form of a date.

So try getting a girl to move with you before you grab her number, and feel free to persist a bit if she seems interested but hesitant. From there, you'll probably see your conversion rate go up when you text her to ask her for a date.

This is definitely great advice I'll be using from now on! My question, though - is this the only sort of compliance that leads to a better text-to-date conversion rate? Aren't you also showing her you are someone who can lead with confidence when you directly approach her? Or when you are the leader of a conversation and it's your job to take it down an interesting path, or sexual frame to show you are a man who "delivers"?

I know you're right, I'm just a bit confused why. Why is it moving her specifically that helps?

Cheers,
Nick

 

[Franco]

Estate,

Aren't you also showing her you are someone who can lead with confidence when you directly approach her? Or when you are the leader of a conversation and it's your job to take it down an interesting path, or sexual frame to show you are a man who "delivers"?

This is something that I think a lot of guys have the wrong idea about, and it's important to start getting a grasp on what is actually important in an opening interaction between you and a girl. It's not about what traits you display when you converse with her; it's about what you're able to get her to do with the least amount of effort. Remember, actions speak much, much louder than words with women.

When a girl thinks back to an interaction with you, she won't remember the conversation so much as she'll remember the investment she was willing to give you as opposed to all the other men who approached her that night. If she moved with you, that's huge investment on her part, and it'll also increase how excited she is about you.

The sexual frame and conversation is all just preparation to show her you're a man that can deliver, but getting her to move with you is showing her you're a man that will deliver -- if that makes sense!

I wish more guys could come to San Diego to experience what pick-up is like in nightlife here. Chase briefly mentioned how pick-up in San Diego is difficult in his recent article (How and Where to Move Overseas as a Single Man) because the women here are constantly getting approached by extremely good-looking guys with solid fundamentals. If you live here for awhile, you'll realize that approaching women means absolutely nothing because the men here are doing it regularly every single night of the week. There are naturals everywhere. So when a girl is approached, there is absolutely nothing special about it at all, even if your fundamentals are handled well. That's why it's especially important early on to attempt to move her and get investment from her because that is your best chance of taking her home for the night. You can have the most sexual conversation of your life with a girl here for 20 minutes, and then she could say she has to go to the bathroom, turn around, leave, and you don't see her again for the rest of the night.

So, to sum things up: always attempt to move a girl as soon as you possibly can. It also helps filter out girls that waste your time because you won't spend 30 minutes talking to a girl just to have her give you her number and not go on a date with you, or simply just leave without giving you a number at all.

(As an aside, this was one of my sticking points about exactly one year ago now that helped me achieve success once I realized how important it was to move a girl before getting her number)

Hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[Marty]

Franco:

So, to sum things up: always attempt to move a girl as soon as you possibly can. It also helps filter out girls that waste your time because you won't spend 30 minutes talking to a girl just to have her give you her number and not go on a date with you, or simply just leave without giving you a number at all.

An invaluable piece of advice. I have 2 questions for you:

• 1) Assuming she's walking somewhere, is getting a girl to stop to speak with you adequate investment? (...as opposed to walking along with her as you chat.) Or once she's stopped and you're talking, should you get her moving again in another direction?
  
  2) If you do a seated approach à la Zphix, where you come up to a girl sitting at a coffee shop table or on a park bench and join her there, what's the best way to move her? I once proposed a little walk in such a situation, which we went ahead with, but unfortunately didn't hear back from that girl either, haha!

Thanks!
-Marty

 

[Godsninja]

Thanks a lot Franco! I believe I've read about moving girls several times, but never really internalized it, or think it mattered so much.

I knew I was missing something important like that...and now, after reading all other comments and replys, I'm also pretty damn curious as to why its so important.

Here's my take.

Talking and laughing, sexual framing, conversing, displaying traits and even exchanging phone numbers. One thing they all share in common 98% of the time is the physical scenery. How can you be fully sure in something, if you've only done or experienced it once? Ok, don't think about drugs. Think about the world, where danger lurks around every corner, and the most safest looking of things can be the most life threatening and life altering.

When you share different locations, you not only lead, but you share experiences, you share energy, you share time, you share life, and you share each other. It's like a bonding experience. It's one small step for... one giant leap for...that's what it is.

I'll be sure to remember, and to look up one of Chases articles dedicated to this. You've definitely got me thinking Franco, and helped me a lot!

I'm really curious as to if there are any other things that could be done, that mimic the effects of the move.
I'm a guy that's really counter to systems and routine, I have a strong feeling there's more than 1 way to skin a cat.
I'm not implying moving women isn't a key step, I'm just thinking, perhaps it's just one tool, for a certain job, out of many.

Q.
Are there any other things (other than and similar to moving) that can be done to make women more invested and excited to see you again?

 

[Godsninja]

Franco:

So, to sum things up: always attempt to move a girl as soon as you possibly can. It also helps filter out girls that waste your time because you won't spend 30 minutes talking to a girl just to have her give you her number and not go on a date with you, or simply just leave without giving you a number at all.

An invaluable piece of advice. I have 2 questions for you:

• 1) Assuming she's walking somewhere, is getting a girl to stop to speak with you adequate investment? (...as opposed to walking along with her as you chat.) Or once she's stopped and you're talking, should you get her moving again in another direction?
  
  2) If you do a seated approach à la Zphix, where you come up to a girl sitting at a coffee shop table or on a park bench and join her there, what's the best way to move her? I once proposed a little walk in such a situation, which we went ahead with, but unfortunately didn't hear back from that girl either, haha!

Thanks!
-Marty

I'd say that both those situations would really depend, no? If a woman were to be walking somewhere specific to meet someone, getting them to physically stop in their tracts just to talk with you would definitely earn you half marks...and doing a little extra like idono, showing them a detour, or stopping somewhere relevant, would do it.

As for the seated approach, I personally would say get up and get your heart pumping!
..but there's a million ways to skin a cat
"lets go over there, it looks nice. here, i'll hold your books"

 

[PrettyDecent]

Estate,

Aren't you also showing her you are someone who can lead with confidence when you directly approach her? Or when you are the leader of a conversation and it's your job to take it down an interesting path, or sexual frame to show you are a man who "delivers"?

This is something that I think a lot of guys have the wrong idea about, and it's important to start getting a grasp on what is actually important in an opening interaction between you and a girl. It's not about what traits you display when you converse with her; it's about what you're able to get her to do with the least amount of effort. Remember, actions speak much, much louder than words with women.

When a girl thinks back to an interaction with you, she won't remember the conversation so much as she'll remember the investment she was willing to give you as opposed to all the other men who approached her that night. If she moved with you, that's huge investment on her part, and it'll also increase how excited she is about you

Excellent, thank you for posting the advice!

(As an aside, this was one of my sticking points about exactly one year ago now that helped me achieve success once I realized how important it was to move a girl before getting her number)

Exactly where I'm at now, high opening and number closing percentage but low text-to-date conversion. Will be over that soon

Cheers,
Nick

 

[Marty]

Hey Nick:

Exactly where I'm at now, high opening and number closing percentage but low text-to-date conversion. Will be over that soon

I'm just reading an article that deals with that: Get Her to Say “Yes”: Excite Women and Beat Resistance by Eric Reeves (thanks Inferno for the suggestion).

Eric's premise seems to be that as you hone your fundamentals, girls start to resist like billy-o, because they assume you can handle it after a lifelong record of success... not realizing that you haven't always been that way and that you've lately made improvements.

The way you've described your problem above chimes very closely with my own situation, although I'd guess I lack somewhat in sexual value in comparison with you. In the month of September I got a 57% number close rate (from girls who actually opened), but only one date.

Hope you find the article as useful as I do, if you haven't already read it!

-Marty

 

[PrettyDecent]

Marty,

I'm just reading an article that deals with that: Get Her to Say “Yes”: Excite Women and Beat Resistance by Eric Reeves (thanks Inferno for the suggestion).

Eric's premise seems to be that as you hone your fundamentals, girls start to resist like billy-o, because they assume you can handle it after a lifelong record of success... not realizing that you haven't always been that way and that you've lately made improvements.

Any advice that can be thrown my way is very much appreciated And maybe them reading my Newbie Assignment would help...lol.

In the month of September I got a 57% number close rate (from girls who actually opened)

Nice!

Probably one of the few articles I haven't read. Cheers, Marty!

Nick

 

[Godsninja]

Hey Nick:

Exactly where I'm at now, high opening and number closing percentage but low text-to-date conversion. Will be over that soon

I'm just reading an article that deals with that: Get Her to Say “Yes”: Excite Women and Beat Resistance by Eric Reeves (thanks Inferno for the suggestion).

Eric's premise seems to be that as you hone your fundamentals, girls start to resist like billy-o, because they assume you can handle it after a lifelong record of success... not realizing that you haven't always been that way and that you've lately made improvements.

The way you've described your problem above chimes very closely with my own situation, although I'd guess I lack somewhat in sexual value in comparison with you. In the month of September I got a 57% number close rate (from girls who actually opened), but only one date.

Hope you find the article as useful as I do, if you haven't already read it!

-Marty

I'll definitely be reading that article today. I've always had that idea inside me, like the better you are and the better you portray yourself, the more resistance girls throw at you in all sorts of forms. I was even thinking about it in the way of looks. As in, the better looking and more physically attractive you are, the higher a woman's expectations of you are. So if you have good looks, but your seductive skills aren't as good as the average person would expect, it might actually work AGAINST you, than FOR you, on some really fucked up psychological level.

But in the end I get it does make sense..