"I don't think I want to"

[Prehistoric]

Yesterday, without having planned it, I did my first cold-opening direct opening.

I am currently meeting girls mostly in social circles and try to bring them on dates from there, but while I was sitting at a bar with a friend yesterday, I spotted this very cute girl speaking with a girlfriend at a table close to mine and I said "f**k it, I am going for it".

I haven't read much about openings so I was kinda creative. While my friend and I were leaving the bar, I approached the girl's girlfriend and told her: "hey, I was looking at your friend, she's truly pretty, I wanna go on a date with her, do u think I have a chance?"

I am sure it wasn't really the best thing say but I am in a confidence-building period, so whatever gets me to talk to girls is useful.

The two of them smiled and the girl I liked seemed also very flattered (I was a expecting a cold bitchy reaction) but then she says "Mhhh no, I don't think I want to", to which I replied "Alright, I hope I see you around anyway" to which she replied "Maybe.."

Now, how would guys have handled this "I don't think I want to"? It doesn't make much sense from a male logic point of view.

 

[Howell]

Hi Prehistoric,

For confidence building that sort of talk is fine, but if you are trying to actually get somewhere with a girl you don't approach and just immediately ask her to make a decision about you with her logos -- instead, you should just assume that attraction is there already: https://www.girlschase.com/content/why-you-absolutely-need-assume-attraction-women. Even saying this sort of thing jokingly is, as you probably realize, not a particularly effective strategy, as it communicates that you think she has all the cards, and it's almost always going to be coming from a place where you're actually expecting to fail. Think of this: What would you have done if she said okay? I'd warrant you'd be surprised. This comes back to the whole reactions vs. results issue: https://www.girlschase.com/content/react ... ults-women.

Now, dealing with the "I don't think I want to.", the best thing is to not get in that situation to begin with. The second best things however are to either turn it into a subtle sexual joke, ping off the friend, or just ignore it and move the interaction along. The sexual joke strategy might not be very effective while a girl is with her friends though. An example of the pinging strategy might look something like this:

Guy: "Hey, I was looking at your friend, she's truly pretty, I wanna go on a date with her, do u think I have a chance?"

Girl: "Mhhh no, I don't think I want to"

Guy (to the girl's friend): Don't tell anyone but I think your friend is totally into me Is she always this coy though, or do you think my beard is just a bit intimidating?

...

Obviously though, laying all your cards on the table is usually not the best strategy, as it doesn't convey that you are a high value, attractive, desired man.

One time last year, I remember being at a bar and I open this girl standing next to me in the smoking area directly. She acts aloof, and when I go in to shake hands she tries to ignore it. However, instead of pulling back, I just keep my hand moving and open her friend right next to her instead, and her friend, loving how I just effortlessly brushed past her friend's resistance, is extremely attracted. For the rest of the night the first girl kept positioning herself in with my group, and was always near where I was. She was just SUPER horny, and now saw me as a guy to bang because of my social dexterity and the pre-selection of her friend. The point is: think of it like Judo -- you want to use your "opponent's" attacks against them.


Hope that addresses what you're wondering about,

Howell

 

[Prehistoric]

I get what u're saying.

I should start to paying attention to these details, so that I am not just opening to build confidence but also getting some results.