I find myself doing really “beta” things

[moom]

Ive been seeing this super sweet girl for the past few months that literally SHOWERS me with gifts (never comes empty handed every single time she comes over), buys us tickets to things, buys me food, etc.

I’m a very giving person myself so I’ve been trying to keep it kinda even keel. She painted me this awesome art piece, then bought me flowers and food so yesterday I took her to a fancy dinner and paid for it. I keep feeling like I “owe” something back to her for the insanely sweet ways she treats me. She’s super submissive with me, sex is phenomenal and we laugh and joke all the time together.

I find myself doing sweet things back these days but it almost feels not authentic from my side but rather my attempt to keep it even. Theres definitely a mutual obsession going on here.

Yesterday, when I was at that fancy dinner, i felt beta af. I thought to myself, why am I taking this girl to a fancy dinner and paying for it- and to be honest when i thought of the idea i genuinely wanted to do it as a thank you to her. But when i got there, it felt like i was being too provider-ish.

Is this because ive conditioned myself so deeply to be a lover over the past 10 years that things like this make me feel weird? Or is it because it really is too provider-ish to take a girl to a fancy dinner and pay for it?

 

[Chase]

@moom,

Just keep in mind, the precedent you set in the early relationship you will be obligated to maintain for the duration:

Dating and Relationship Precedent: Why It’s So Very Important

Poorly-set precedent: it's the scourge of relationships across the face of mankind. Every day, the whole of the male sex collectively writhes in agony at its own terribly-set precedent coming back to haunt it - and bit it right in the ass.

www.girlschase.com

It sounds like her love language is gifts. You are intuitively trying to find some way to give her back affection in a way she appreciates:

Your Girlfriend's Love Language Might Be Different from Yours

You want to spend quality time together, but she'd rather do things for you she thinks you'll like? Different love languages can cause more issues than you'd think... until you realize they exist. One of the most controversial articles on Girls Chase is my piece "Should You Pay for a Date?" My...

www.girlschase.com

I've never had a real gift-giving girlfriend, and am not much a gift-giver myself, so I can't say for sure how a girl with a heavy gift-giving love language would react to, say, a guy who does not respond to her gifts with gifts of his own.

Maybe you ought to have her take a love language quiz and see if there's anything else she highly values besides gifts.

If she takes it and it's just like "GIFTS: 100%" then maybe you might just have to get her gifts, I dunno.

If it was me, and I was with a chick where she always needed gifts, because that was her love language, and I'm just speculating here, but I am about 95% certain it would be something simple nearly every time:

• Flowers
• A few small chocolates (don't want her getting fat!)
• A mug with the two of us on it

Etc.

Also, I would not get gifts as frequently as she does, since it isn't my love language (sounds like it's not your either). Maybe like one every 2 or 3 times I saw her.

Again, just speculation on my part.

Maybe some guys here who've had gift-obsessed girlfriends but aren't gift-focused themselves can weigh in on how they handled that.

I would not be doing restaurants though. Not early on. Just don't want to get locked into that pattern where now she is going to expect fancy restaurants forever, and feel like I must not love her as much as I did at the beginning because now it's six months in and we don't do fancy restaurants anymore.

Chase

 

[moom]

Hey @Chase Thanks for the response.

Its weird, ive actually had her take the love language test already and for her, gifts are dead last lol. Top 3 are quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch, all of which she gets plenty of from me.

Mine are quality time, acts of service, and physical touch with words of affirmation being dead last.

Its a little past the 90 day mark and about 75% of the time, we’ve split the bill anyways. The other 25% of the time i pay, just because I make more than her and Im quite generous with my time and money.

I think I know why she brings so many gifts- literally like the second week of us seeing each other i once casually said “i love it when a girl doesn’t come empty handed” and since then shes gone over the top with gifts every single time haha.

That was actually our first actual dinner date so I guess thats why it felt weird. Although i'd like to add, the end of the dinner date was alot more fun. I had her wearing vibrating panties, and pulled her right into me and made her look me in the eyes while i turned that thing full blast and our waiter kept looking at us. Then we fucked like animals when we got back

 

[Will_V]

I had a gf whose self-professed love language was gifts. She loved to be surprised in all kinds of ways. And I'm the opposite, I find no enjoyment in being surprised and much more in planning. I don't know what my love language is, but it's probably some combination of service and affirmation.

I actually can't help you a lot as I didn't do a great job of satisfying her hunger for gifts. It was really a case of me just dismissing the whole thing early on and she just sort of accepted that I valued different things. Likely a bit of a mistake on my part as I'm a believer in working with people's nature, and it might have contributed to our eventual breakup.

One thing that may or may not go part and parcel with a girl who loves gifts is enjoying spontaneity. My ex always liked when I organized some outing for us on short notice, and told me multiple times that she would love nothing more than to be kicked out of bed in the morning and told to get ready to go somewhere without being told any of the details. She also asked me to (and enjoyed very much) waking up getting railed, (which was easy to do as she usually slept on her front). So point is that you might want to find out if some kind of spontaneity satisfies her as well.

I think Chase made a great point about precedent though. Gifts can be very small but significant - like picking up her favorite snack on the way home. It's really about the idea that you thought of her, and spontaneously showing her that you'd done so in a way that also shows that you understand what she likes. I'd also space them well apart so that she doesn't lose the excitement when it comes.

Edit didn't see your response there, looks like problem solved.

 

[Skills]

Ive been seeing this super sweet girl for the past few months that literally SHOWERS me with gifts (never comes empty handed every single time she comes over), buys us tickets to things, buys me food, etc.

I’m a very giving person myself so I’ve been trying to keep it kinda even keel. She painted me this awesome art piece, then bought me flowers and food so yesterday I took her to a fancy dinner and paid for it. I keep feeling like I “owe” something back to her for the insanely sweet ways she treats me. She’s super submissive with me, sex is phenomenal and we laugh and joke all the time together.

I find myself doing sweet things back these days but it almost feels not authentic from my side but rather my attempt to keep it even. Theres definitely a mutual obsession going on here.

Yesterday, when I was at that fancy dinner, i felt beta af. I thought to myself, why am I taking this girl to a fancy dinner and paying for it- and to be honest when i thought of the idea i genuinely wanted to do it as a thank you to her. But when i got there, it felt like i was being too provider-ish.

Is this because ive conditioned myself so deeply to be a lover over the past 10 years that things like this make me feel weird? Or is it because it really is too provider-ish to take a girl to a fancy dinner and pay for it?

Gifting is about timing..... Betas and nice guys do gift as manipulation.... I buy her dinner i do nice things for her = she gives me affection maybe pussy... = this is beta....


I am about to take my main to a super fancy restaurant on her birthday = she has been swallowing gallons of my cum = no beta due to timing, get it....


Now if you have not fucked her 3 times and she is not totally invested i would proceed with cautions, you are fine, you found yourself a sweet girls...


Even as a player if you do beta things, is awesome, cause never works and just a reminder that it does not work, trust me sometimes i get a fat commission check and i start leading with money and try to cheat my way into beta crap.... Never works, usually you will see me in the forum when that happens making a post for making a fool of myself as a reminder......

 

[moom]

@Skills I appreciate the insight and I feel you on that post. I’ve quadrupled my income in the past 6 months and I find myself doing alot of courtship behavior too just because I feel like I can for once in my life, but then it makes me feel like a beta bitch when I’m actually in the act lol.

Perhaps the idea is to tone it down and just make it scarce, and try to split money evenly with my girl

 

[Alpha13SC]

My ex had this gifts love language. One time actually told me how she and her coworkers had to buy a gift for another coworker s birthday and when they were searching for one, she find out she thought I would like it and a few days later she bought it for me. So that s how far they can go.

Another thing is that she wanted to buy her something when I was going to shopping(even a sweet) and she was doing it also for me.

The thing is that you don t need to reciprocate all of those, like compliments, just say thanks and appreciate it, she ll feel better.

If you want to do it also, you can go with smaller things also. One time I brought a small chocolate from my work to her, in that evening(it was only one small sweet) and I woke up with a heart drawed on my refrigerator.

 

[POB]

Ive been seeing this super sweet girl for the past few months that literally SHOWERS me with gifts (never comes empty handed every single time she comes over), buys us tickets to things, buys me food, etc.

Check this:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained

Every woman is different, so you must rank each one of them separately.
This girl's primary love language is gifts...you must calibrate your reactions to it so every time you give her back it's 100% genuine, and not something you do as a pure reaction to her behavior.

 

[moom]

Guys, this girls primary love language is NOT gifts lol. Its dead last for her actually. See above. Her love languages are in this order:

1. Quality time
2. Words of affirmation
3. Physical touch
4. Acts of service
5. Gifts

 

[Skills]

Guys, this girls primary love language is NOT gifts lol. Its dead last for her actually. See above. Her love languages are in this order:

1. Quality time
2. Words of affirmation
3. Physical touch
4. Acts of service
5. Gifts

The only love language that natters is dick in pussy. That book help 0 inn seduction or relashionship waste of time

 

[Skills]

Guys this is a book that @Karea Ricardus D. recommends i recommend as well called the passion trap (one of the best books on relationships):

Relationship Control and Female Domination

Have you ever noticed that in almost every relationship… sooner or later, but often right from the start or at least very early… one of the two partners is more emotionally involved than the other? And that it's invariably the other of the two who retains the most relationship control? That one...

www.girlschase.com