Work in a open floor office setting so everybody hears everything. My office is almost exclusively black and hispanic, 80% being female. I am an Indian male(born and raised in the USA), strong resemblance to a overweight Aziz Ansari) and I'm the stereotypical IT dude, except I do mostly glorified data entry.
My work is impeccable and I have the support of my manager who has praised me, but the constant "jokes" and at times open hostility flung my way can be very draining, as I'm not used to holding my tongue and do not put up with bullshit. But I can't afford to lose this job as it is integral to my career.
Specific examples:
Agree & Amplify male coworker saying "Man, fuck you!" to me in a loud and aggressive tone of voice, after I dished back some jokes that he started. It's at least the 3rd time he's said a variation of "fuck you" to me all in a deliberately disrespectful aggressive tone of voice. Again, this is a highly professional setting and in no way is that type of language tolerated. He doesn't speak that way to anybody but me. I could easily say fuck you back to him and escalate, but we're not on the streets, we're at work, a distinction he is oblivious to. He actually seems to take pride in and find fun in embarrassing me in front of the female staff. I'm not a kid, I'm 29 fucking years old.
female coworker, merely my peer, who is questioning me in public about how long my lunch breaks are. I laugh it off with, "ok, your highness"; she keeps going on and is always "checking" me.
The overall tone of voice and demeanor in the office towards me ranges from condescension to hostility to patronizing fake-friendliness to hostile silences
As a former small business owner for most of my 20's, where I employed >10 workers, you can see how humiliating all this can be, but I need this job.
A few days ago I had enough and told them one(AA, female, mid20s) to "be quiet and sit down"; she went on and on; I raised my voice(loud baritone) and said "ENOUGH TALKING, SIT DOWN". I was seen as the aggressor. I also had a confrontation with another one. Now half the office won't talk to me, the other half is cordial & business like, but as soon I step out, I'm the topic of gossip. With my new no-nonsense won't-take-shit attitude, word is spreading that I am "rude", "combative", and get this, "angry". Which I don't care about if only the undermining and questioning, and shit-testing would stop, but no, it continues, albeit in a reduced and toned down manner.
Short of being a crybaby and going to HR, how do I put an end to this nonsense? I'm (overweight, balding, don't groom very well) and I'm working on fixing it, but I need a short-term solution. Only thing I can think of is to call them out in public whenever they try to "check" me and try to embarrass them with their lackluster work and information that I'm privy to, but that would only lower me to their level and make me look weak and losing frame. I want to pull the AA guy aside and tell him " starting now, no more jokes, we're not friends; Do not ever use profanity with me". But what if he responds with a "fuck you, you don't tell me what to do"
Always thought of myself as alpha, even before I unplugged. I'm tall, strong, socially dominant; used to be athletic, but I'm chubby now at 6'1, 250lb. In my early 30s. Been struggling with depression due to recent traumatic life events that I won't go into. Let myself go, wear the same clothes to work, scruffy facial hair, coke-bottle glasses instead of contacts. I also noticed that I tend smile more, laugh at people's jokes too easily. I'm much more deferential and "quick to make ppl feel comfortable", mainly due to starting a new job and wanting to "fit in".
Started a new job 6 months ago while in the midst of the depression, and after the inital "be nice to the new guy" honeymoon wore off, I find myself the butt of most jokes in the office. I can give as good as I get, but when even the valet and the security guard and the JANITOR make fun of you......something is seriously wrong. This lead me to discover TRP, read the sidebar twice and utilized the search button religiously.
My specific immediate concern: Besides slowly raising my SMV(which i'm doing), how do I deal with disrespect from coworkers, both veiled disrespect("haha, just joking with you" type) as well as blatant disrespect("quit being a punk"
Environment: informal office environment. And while people do joke around, I notice that they laugh WITH each other, whereas I'm being laughed AT. Office is 80% female. Most of the disrespect/shit tests is coming from the females and a gay guy. I have strong work-relationship with my male peers who respect me and my work.
Examples:
impromptu comment from 31 y/o female coworker(married with kids): "how old are you? 30? You look at least 40. You give off those old man vibes" cue laughter.
After i humblebragged about an achievement, a 23 y/o self-professed nerd(maybe a 3 if im being generous) says: " RPgainz, You ain't worth shit" in a loud aggressive tone. Everybody laughs....including me.
Valet/security who can barely speak English is always mad-dogging me, every single morning when I come in, giving me a staredown, sometimes with a sneer. I have to resist the urge to beat his face in.
Gay guy(team lead) is always dropping snarky comments(hoping for a angry reaction?), cracking a "witty" joke about me being 5 minutes late(ppl are routinely 30 min late), or me staying late to get work done.
1 coworker deliberately mispronounces my name, and when I gently correct her, she'll do the whole mock "sassy black woman" thing and say: "i can't pronounce it, so I'm just gonna call you arbitary name.....when I persist in correcting her she'll "humorously" dismiss me with: "go do something" ...again, everybody laughs.
On more than one occasion, after being the butt of jokes and everybody laughing AT me, one will say: We just love messing with you dont take it too seriously, we don't want you going to HR on us,,hahahahhaha"
I find myself singled out for extra scrutiny, even tho my work performance is the best in the office.
More comments: "RPgainz, you're such a nerd." RPgainz, you're an oddball" "Do you have a girlfriend, RPgainz....what does she look like, show us her picture". "Why didn't you come to work last friday...did you have a hot date". I find all this incredibly infuriating but don't want to show anger, so I either dodge the question, respond with my own barbs at them, or laugh it off. Still, the fact that they have the nerve to ask me detailed questions of my personal life pisses me off.
My superiors love my work; I am often praised, at times in company wide emails. I am only being treated disrespectfully by my peers(including team lead/supervisor), and the support staff who've been there for years.
I'm new. I need this job for career prospects so quitting isn't an option. And I don't want to get fired. What do I do?(specifics please). How do I specifically respond to disrespectful comments, shit-tests, and covert put-downs. I do not want to appear butthurt or weak so complaining is out of the question.
My work is impeccable and I have the support of my manager who has praised me, but the constant "jokes" and at times open hostility flung my way can be very draining, as I'm not used to holding my tongue and do not put up with bullshit. But I can't afford to lose this job as it is integral to my career.
Specific examples:
Agree & Amplify male coworker saying "Man, fuck you!" to me in a loud and aggressive tone of voice, after I dished back some jokes that he started. It's at least the 3rd time he's said a variation of "fuck you" to me all in a deliberately disrespectful aggressive tone of voice. Again, this is a highly professional setting and in no way is that type of language tolerated. He doesn't speak that way to anybody but me. I could easily say fuck you back to him and escalate, but we're not on the streets, we're at work, a distinction he is oblivious to. He actually seems to take pride in and find fun in embarrassing me in front of the female staff. I'm not a kid, I'm 29 fucking years old.
female coworker, merely my peer, who is questioning me in public about how long my lunch breaks are. I laugh it off with, "ok, your highness"; she keeps going on and is always "checking" me.
The overall tone of voice and demeanor in the office towards me ranges from condescension to hostility to patronizing fake-friendliness to hostile silences
As a former small business owner for most of my 20's, where I employed >10 workers, you can see how humiliating all this can be, but I need this job.
A few days ago I had enough and told them one(AA, female, mid20s) to "be quiet and sit down"; she went on and on; I raised my voice(loud baritone) and said "ENOUGH TALKING, SIT DOWN". I was seen as the aggressor. I also had a confrontation with another one. Now half the office won't talk to me, the other half is cordial & business like, but as soon I step out, I'm the topic of gossip. With my new no-nonsense won't-take-shit attitude, word is spreading that I am "rude", "combative", and get this, "angry". Which I don't care about if only the undermining and questioning, and shit-testing would stop, but no, it continues, albeit in a reduced and toned down manner.
Short of being a crybaby and going to HR, how do I put an end to this nonsense? I'm (overweight, balding, don't groom very well) and I'm working on fixing it, but I need a short-term solution. Only thing I can think of is to call them out in public whenever they try to "check" me and try to embarrass them with their lackluster work and information that I'm privy to, but that would only lower me to their level and make me look weak and losing frame. I want to pull the AA guy aside and tell him " starting now, no more jokes, we're not friends; Do not ever use profanity with me". But what if he responds with a "fuck you, you don't tell me what to do"
Always thought of myself as alpha, even before I unplugged. I'm tall, strong, socially dominant; used to be athletic, but I'm chubby now at 6'1, 250lb. In my early 30s. Been struggling with depression due to recent traumatic life events that I won't go into. Let myself go, wear the same clothes to work, scruffy facial hair, coke-bottle glasses instead of contacts. I also noticed that I tend smile more, laugh at people's jokes too easily. I'm much more deferential and "quick to make ppl feel comfortable", mainly due to starting a new job and wanting to "fit in".
Started a new job 6 months ago while in the midst of the depression, and after the inital "be nice to the new guy" honeymoon wore off, I find myself the butt of most jokes in the office. I can give as good as I get, but when even the valet and the security guard and the JANITOR make fun of you......something is seriously wrong. This lead me to discover TRP, read the sidebar twice and utilized the search button religiously.
My specific immediate concern: Besides slowly raising my SMV(which i'm doing), how do I deal with disrespect from coworkers, both veiled disrespect("haha, just joking with you" type) as well as blatant disrespect("quit being a punk"
Environment: informal office environment. And while people do joke around, I notice that they laugh WITH each other, whereas I'm being laughed AT. Office is 80% female. Most of the disrespect/shit tests is coming from the females and a gay guy. I have strong work-relationship with my male peers who respect me and my work.
Examples:
impromptu comment from 31 y/o female coworker(married with kids): "how old are you? 30? You look at least 40. You give off those old man vibes" cue laughter.
After i humblebragged about an achievement, a 23 y/o self-professed nerd(maybe a 3 if im being generous) says: " RPgainz, You ain't worth shit" in a loud aggressive tone. Everybody laughs....including me.
Valet/security who can barely speak English is always mad-dogging me, every single morning when I come in, giving me a staredown, sometimes with a sneer. I have to resist the urge to beat his face in.
Gay guy(team lead) is always dropping snarky comments(hoping for a angry reaction?), cracking a "witty" joke about me being 5 minutes late(ppl are routinely 30 min late), or me staying late to get work done.
1 coworker deliberately mispronounces my name, and when I gently correct her, she'll do the whole mock "sassy black woman" thing and say: "i can't pronounce it, so I'm just gonna call you arbitary name.....when I persist in correcting her she'll "humorously" dismiss me with: "go do something" ...again, everybody laughs.
On more than one occasion, after being the butt of jokes and everybody laughing AT me, one will say: We just love messing with you dont take it too seriously, we don't want you going to HR on us,,hahahahhaha"
I find myself singled out for extra scrutiny, even tho my work performance is the best in the office.
More comments: "RPgainz, you're such a nerd." RPgainz, you're an oddball" "Do you have a girlfriend, RPgainz....what does she look like, show us her picture". "Why didn't you come to work last friday...did you have a hot date". I find all this incredibly infuriating but don't want to show anger, so I either dodge the question, respond with my own barbs at them, or laugh it off. Still, the fact that they have the nerve to ask me detailed questions of my personal life pisses me off.
My superiors love my work; I am often praised, at times in company wide emails. I am only being treated disrespectfully by my peers(including team lead/supervisor), and the support staff who've been there for years.
I'm new. I need this job for career prospects so quitting isn't an option. And I don't want to get fired. What do I do?(specifics please). How do I specifically respond to disrespectful comments, shit-tests, and covert put-downs. I do not want to appear butthurt or weak so complaining is out of the question.
