- Joined
- Dec 1, 2013
- Messages
- 38
This one is both an LR and a FU of sorts.
Not long after I broke up with my previous g.f., I got with a girl that I had met through social circle. She's very emotionally perceptive, and excels at deep-diving people. She is also sort of brooding and dramatic, and seems to enjoy confrontation to some degree, or at least it seems to follow her around. Naturally tan skin (Eastern European), dark hair & eyes, petite and shapely, almost a baby-face (small mouth, large eyes & thick lips), people think she's half her actual age.
She invited me to dinner at a cozy restaurant along with several other mutual friends. She's very much a 'fixer', she likes to bring people together, and takes an interest in getting people to know each other and socialize. Anyway, after dinner, we were debating what to do. I invited everyone to my house for home-made drinks and dessert because some people were saying they didn't want to go to a crowded, noisy bar & spend too much money. Everyone eventually left except for her, and I insisted that she help me finish the last of the drinks. We were quite tipsy, and snuggling together on the couch. I eventually kissed her:
Afterward, I started to feel guilty, because I was not intending to go this far, and I was not over my ex, A. M could tell I was troubled, and pried the answer out of me eventually. M apologized for not being more considerate, and ended up leaving instead of spending the night. However, it was really an unpleasant experience for me, and I blame myself for it, because I didn't prevent it. Part of me was thinking "Dude, get with this chick while you can!" but another part of me was very uncomfortable, and I should have listened. This was the FU part.
M and I decided that I wasn't in good shape to date, and then M found another guy (SAME social circle!) and got with him. They dated for 3 months while I went back and forth with my ex, A (bad idea, guys. Just do a clean break, trust me. That was my first experience with such a protracted break-up & oscillations, hopefully my last). Finally, M broke up with her guy, which didn't surprise me. M had been confiding to me about her relationship problems with him, and there was still some tension between us the whole time. He never knew about me.
Finally, recently, my ex and I decided to be done for real, and so I have been turning my attention back to M. We had gotten pretty close as friends in the intervening time, and M now has some mixed feelings about dating me. For one, she knows I am not looking for serious relationships, while she tends to jump into them very easily. However, she also told me that she is tired of getting burned by being more committed, and she wants to try being non-exclusive and seeing multiple people in order to break her habit. That is exciting to me.
I would like to move away from the relationship paradigm for a while as well. I felt into a relationship with my last g.f. (A) b/c I thought she was going to lose interest if I didn't offer her a relationship. I didn't really want to be serious, though. She accepted my offer, and then I started to regret it, and pulled back a bit (I wound up making out with an acquaintance, and then confessing). This could all have been prevented if I hadn't ASSUMED she wanted a relationship; she told me later that she would have been ok being non-exclusive if it was what I needed. (See the last part of this post here).
So M is now the one holding back, and I am enjoying it, to be honest. I enjoy having some tension before the fireworks, instead of just being blunt and hopping to it right away. I guess I enjoy doing a bit of chasing after all. That's what I think was missing from my last relationship: it went very smoothly at the beginning, and I started taking A. for granted, and she let me do it. I don't think M. will stand for it; she calls me out on my bullshit, which is refreshing, and which A. was afraid to do for fear of rocking the boat.
Not long after I broke up with my previous g.f., I got with a girl that I had met through social circle. She's very emotionally perceptive, and excels at deep-diving people. She is also sort of brooding and dramatic, and seems to enjoy confrontation to some degree, or at least it seems to follow her around. Naturally tan skin (Eastern European), dark hair & eyes, petite and shapely, almost a baby-face (small mouth, large eyes & thick lips), people think she's half her actual age.
She invited me to dinner at a cozy restaurant along with several other mutual friends. She's very much a 'fixer', she likes to bring people together, and takes an interest in getting people to know each other and socialize. Anyway, after dinner, we were debating what to do. I invited everyone to my house for home-made drinks and dessert because some people were saying they didn't want to go to a crowded, noisy bar & spend too much money. Everyone eventually left except for her, and I insisted that she help me finish the last of the drinks. We were quite tipsy, and snuggling together on the couch. I eventually kissed her:
M is very sultry and passionate, and you can guess how this ends.
Afterward, I started to feel guilty, because I was not intending to go this far, and I was not over my ex, A. M could tell I was troubled, and pried the answer out of me eventually. M apologized for not being more considerate, and ended up leaving instead of spending the night. However, it was really an unpleasant experience for me, and I blame myself for it, because I didn't prevent it. Part of me was thinking "Dude, get with this chick while you can!" but another part of me was very uncomfortable, and I should have listened. This was the FU part.
M and I decided that I wasn't in good shape to date, and then M found another guy (SAME social circle!) and got with him. They dated for 3 months while I went back and forth with my ex, A (bad idea, guys. Just do a clean break, trust me. That was my first experience with such a protracted break-up & oscillations, hopefully my last). Finally, M broke up with her guy, which didn't surprise me. M had been confiding to me about her relationship problems with him, and there was still some tension between us the whole time. He never knew about me.
Finally, recently, my ex and I decided to be done for real, and so I have been turning my attention back to M. We had gotten pretty close as friends in the intervening time, and M now has some mixed feelings about dating me. For one, she knows I am not looking for serious relationships, while she tends to jump into them very easily. However, she also told me that she is tired of getting burned by being more committed, and she wants to try being non-exclusive and seeing multiple people in order to break her habit. That is exciting to me.
I would like to move away from the relationship paradigm for a while as well. I felt into a relationship with my last g.f. (A) b/c I thought she was going to lose interest if I didn't offer her a relationship. I didn't really want to be serious, though. She accepted my offer, and then I started to regret it, and pulled back a bit (I wound up making out with an acquaintance, and then confessing). This could all have been prevented if I hadn't ASSUMED she wanted a relationship; she told me later that she would have been ok being non-exclusive if it was what I needed. (See the last part of this post here).
So M is now the one holding back, and I am enjoying it, to be honest. I enjoy having some tension before the fireworks, instead of just being blunt and hopping to it right away. I guess I enjoy doing a bit of chasing after all. That's what I think was missing from my last relationship: it went very smoothly at the beginning, and I started taking A. for granted, and she let me do it. I don't think M. will stand for it; she calls me out on my bullshit, which is refreshing, and which A. was afraid to do for fear of rocking the boat.
