I have to admit my crippling social anxiety

[Anonymous]

Basically, i am fine with people. In fact im great with people. Meeting people, making friends, working hard with coworkers, etc are no problem. But i have to admit my crippling inability to do a few things because i am anxious

1) texting a girl i want to hook up with happens only after i spend hours carefully constructing the 'perfect' text- only to delete it or immediately regret hitting send. This especially happens with girls i work with or have in my social circle- basically anyone with whom i could possibly risk any tiny little bit of my reputation

2) this problem i have contacting women becomes so tedious that eventually it is just easier to put my phone down and relax- the thought of leaving the house to actually go out and be social becomes just as agonizing as the thought i put into texting the girls

3) i am so afraid of risking my reputation that i cant even ask friends that are girls 'what are you doing tonight?' or 'plans tonight?' because i am too afraid that they will think my only purpose is to hook up with them. And on the same point, i am even more afraid to ask friends that i am open to hooking up with the same question because i dont want to get shot down/ignored/thought of as creepy for texting them. Assuming that if plans dont work out that it is a reputation killing rejection.

4) this carries over to my guy friends in the same circle, because they also flirt with the same girls/friends and i am too afraid to compete with a friend for a girl

This probably sounds like a mess. Thats why i made a new account for this topic. Please give advice or some perspective. I would really appreciate it. Thanks

 

[orion222]

Quit being such a beta bitch. I just got rejected by my coworker at a restaurant and I know I have to work with her next week. I have no regrets asking her out.

 

[Drck]

There is this great therapy, it is called Fuck It.

Why would you want to spent hours constructing text to hook up? Maybe you are trying to trick her into something she doesn’t want to do? Don’t try to trick her, just be honest. Hey, I’d really like to take you to XYZ at 2pm. What’s better for you, Monday or Tuesday? …What is there to construct? Fuck all the constructs! Throw it out there, press send button and forget it. What is the worst thing that can happen – she’ll never reply….?? If she replies, good, she likes you and maybe she’ll go. If she doesn’t reply, oh well… you have to go to your room now and cry, you will have to feel sorry for yourself and beat yourself up. Or you can simply say: Fuck it then, I’ll try another one!

What do you have, some sort of social anxiety that you are great with people but can’t talk to them? Are you anxious to approach a girl? Fuck it then! Fuck approaching girls. Don’t approach them at all, don’t approach a single girl. Fuck all the approaches, drop all the ideas of approaching. Just go and talk to them instead. After all, you are great with people, and she is a person too, no? What is the worst thing that can happen when you talk to her – she won’t talk back to you? Oh well, if she doesn’t talk to you, Fuck it then! Try another one. And, you always have the option to go back to your room and cry.

What kind of reputation do you have that you can’t ask girls “what are you doing tonight”? Are you a priest? Monk? Saint? Convicted pervert? Ok, if not you are just a guy, like any other guy. What is wrong with regular guy asking girl out with the intention hooking up with her? Nothing is wrong. Hooking up with girls is great, it is natural. The only bad thing is, that you might get shot down, ignored, perhaps being called creepy. The bed thing is, that you will get rejected. You simply will get rejected, the more girls you talk to the more rejections you will face. Oh well, so there you go, time to go back to your room and cry, feel sorry for yourself and being hurt, time to think about how creepy you are by talking to girls, time to beat yourself up… Or, you can simply say: Fuck it then, fuck all the rejections! Lets try to talk to another one! Fuck my reputation! Fuck This and Fuck That too!

Next, what is wrong with flirting and competing? Don’t flirt then and don’t compete. Fuck flirting and fuck competing with other guys. Just ask her if she wants to go out with you. If yes, great. If not, oh well: I guess it is time to cry again…

 

[R.A.D.]

Just to give you another option try to set up small goals with the objective of working your confidence.

Go out of your social circle and make a few tests and see what happens. Ask an unknown girl something random, directions, etc. If she responds well and you feel well, great if not repeat with other girls until you do. Then ask another girl something random and when she responds you ask something random about her like if she goes the same way or something else, then leave. Then do the same with another girl and add one more line then say goodbye and leave until one day you dont want to leave and stay chatting for x ammount of time. If you fail or freeze you try again because after all she doesnt know you.

After that you already begun the fun part and need to work on everything one has to work about seduction and meeting other people. Then you dont depend on your social circle and if you choose to get girls there you are already more confident and already learned many ways to deal with rejection or anticipate it and above all you learned that you dont need to control situation in order to enjoy them.

 

[Flames]

When you say you have friends I'm presuming you have female friends?

Are you just generally anxious to socialise outside work or are you just forced into socialising at work and have become more comfortable because you've had to?

What things do you do outside of work?