I just came back from a dancing class and would like some social advice

[Rodrigo]

Hey people.

I read Girls Chase once in a while but i never approached a girl on the streets besides just saying an awkard 'hi' twice, not even on a nightclub or bar (i never went to them to begin with).

I'm 22 years old, virgin and never even kissed a girl. I just decided three days ago to start improving myself socially consistently.

I have good posture, decent body, OK at best fashion, my voice just got deeper since yesterday (i'm doing nofap, on day 7) and the tendency now is to my voice get steady... all these past years my voice has been like of a prepubescent teen (often very weak and hard to understand; now on day 7 of nofap i feel like i can speaky slowly, articulate very well the words and i just got a decently deep voice).

I just picked some fundamentals to work on simultaneously, but not too much things so i don't feel overwhelmed.
I don't have any friends around here nor do i know some mentor figure to encourage me a bit.

Since i just accepted my shyness too, i decided to start approaching a woman every day (on these first days i just told myself that i can do indirect approaches to make it easier on myself) while at the same time going for dancing classes in my gym on the days i don't workout. The rythym is very hard, the music are from brazillian music genres (axé, funk), i'm brazillian by the way lol.
The first time i went to the dancing class i just got paralyzed when the class started and i just stood there like a door watching, my shyness paralyzed me from fear of trying to dance those songs, they are very sexual.
So today i said to myself that i'd definitely at least TRY. But no, i just stood there AGAIN like a fucking retard. I just came back and i'm feeling some kind of hopelessness, but at the same time i'm feeling that i must improve every day or else i'd rather just die.

I watched pornography since i was 12 and i'm DEFINITELY done with it. I'd rather kill myself than go back to it to fill this huge hole in my life. When you're addicted to it, it changes you so much, you can't even think straight... people feel very tense around you, i stopped feeling the smell of things and lost a lot of my capability of tasting food... i just realized this today on day 7 and i'm stunned).

Sorry for the long rant, but in the end i'd just like to ask the socially adept guys here their opinion about all this. Am i being overly dramatic and should just keep going? Or should i seek someone to encourage me, if not possible in real life, on the internet?

Thank you.

 

[Howell]

Hey people.

I read Girls Chase once in a while but i never approached a girl on the streets besides just saying an awkard 'hi' twice, not even on a nightclub or bar (i never went to them to begin with).

I'm 22 years old, virgin and never even kissed a girl. I just decided three days ago to start improving myself socially consistently.

I have good posture, decent body, OK at best fashion, my voice just got deeper since yesterday (i'm doing nofap, on day 7) and the tendency now is to my voice get steady... all these past years my voice has been like of a prepubescent teen (often very weak and hard to understand; now on day 7 of nofap i feel like i can speaky slowly, articulate very well the words and i just got a decently deep voice).

I just picked some fundamentals to work on simultaneously, but not too much things so i don't feel overwhelmed.
I don't have any friends around here nor do i know some mentor figure to encourage me a bit.

Since i just accepted my shyness too, i decided to start approaching a woman every day (on these first days i just told myself that i can do indirect approaches to make it easier on myself) while at the same time going for dancing classes in my gym on the days i don't workout. The rythym is very hard, the music are from brazillian music genres (axé, funk), i'm brazillian by the way lol.
The first time i went to the dancing class i just got paralyzed when the class started and i just stood there like a door watching, my shyness paralyzed me from fear of trying to dance those songs, they are very sexual.
So today i said to myself that i'd definitely at least TRY. But no, i just stood there AGAIN like a fucking retard. I just came back and i'm feeling some kind of hopelessness, but at the same time i'm feeling that i must improve every day or else i'd rather just die.

I watched pornography since i was 12 and i'm DEFINITELY done with it. I'd rather kill myself than go back to it to fill this huge hole in my life. When you're addicted to it, it changes you so much, you can't even think straight... people feel very tense around you, i stopped feeling the smell of things and lost a lot of my capability of tasting food... i just realized this today on day 7 and i'm stunned).

Sorry for the long rant, but in the end i'd just like to ask the socially adept guys here their opinion about all this. Am i being overly dramatic and should just keep going? Or should i seek someone to encourage me, if not possible in real life, on the internet?

Thank you.

Haha, yes, a little overly-dramatic -- but that's normal. You're gearing up to let go of your childish habits and adopt more beneficial ones.

You're probably going to have a hard time just quiting porn like this. Better to think about rechanneling the emotions and activities into better channels: like pick-up, yoga, martial arts, etc. It sounds like you have a pretty highly polarized relationship with it. Indifference I think is a more effective attitude towards it. Understand that it's a matter of socialization; that porn teaches you (badly) about how human sexuality works.

Finding some friends who are sociable is key. Isolation should probably be the main thing you work to counteract. You don't want friends for the sake of leeching "value" or "encouragement" (that's what a PUA coach can be good for though), you want them so YOU can boost THEIR value, and make sure everyone has a great time when together -- whether you're one on one or in a group.

You can use feedback from on here, but it's always better to have people in real life who support your vision.

If you haven't seen it, I recommend checking out the Newbie Guide on this forum, as it's custom designed for getting you over those early level humps.

Best,
Howell

 

[Rodrigo]

Hey people.

I read Girls Chase once in a while but i never approached a girl on the streets besides just saying an awkard 'hi' twice, not even on a nightclub or bar (i never went to them to begin with).

I'm 22 years old, virgin and never even kissed a girl. I just decided three days ago to start improving myself socially consistently.

I have good posture, decent body, OK at best fashion, my voice just got deeper since yesterday (i'm doing nofap, on day 7) and the tendency now is to my voice get steady... all these past years my voice has been like of a prepubescent teen (often very weak and hard to understand; now on day 7 of nofap i feel like i can speaky slowly, articulate very well the words and i just got a decently deep voice).

I just picked some fundamentals to work on simultaneously, but not too much things so i don't feel overwhelmed.
I don't have any friends around here nor do i know some mentor figure to encourage me a bit.

Since i just accepted my shyness too, i decided to start approaching a woman every day (on these first days i just told myself that i can do indirect approaches to make it easier on myself) while at the same time going for dancing classes in my gym on the days i don't workout. The rythym is very hard, the music are from brazillian music genres (axé, funk), i'm brazillian by the way lol.
The first time i went to the dancing class i just got paralyzed when the class started and i just stood there like a door watching, my shyness paralyzed me from fear of trying to dance those songs, they are very sexual.
So today i said to myself that i'd definitely at least TRY. But no, i just stood there AGAIN like a fucking retard. I just came back and i'm feeling some kind of hopelessness, but at the same time i'm feeling that i must improve every day or else i'd rather just die.

I watched pornography since i was 12 and i'm DEFINITELY done with it. I'd rather kill myself than go back to it to fill this huge hole in my life. When you're addicted to it, it changes you so much, you can't even think straight... people feel very tense around you, i stopped feeling the smell of things and lost a lot of my capability of tasting food... i just realized this today on day 7 and i'm stunned).

Sorry for the long rant, but in the end i'd just like to ask the socially adept guys here their opinion about all this. Am i being overly dramatic and should just keep going? Or should i seek someone to encourage me, if not possible in real life, on the internet?

Thank you.

Haha, yes, a little overly-dramatic -- but that's normal. You're gearing up to let go of your childish habits and adopt more beneficial ones.

You're probably going to have a hard time just quiting porn like this. Better to think about rechanneling the emotions and activities into better channels: like pick-up, yoga, martial arts, etc. It sounds like you have a pretty highly polarized relationship with it. Indifference I think is a more effective attitude towards it. Understand that it's a matter of socialization; that porn teaches you (badly) about how human sexuality works.

Finding some friends who are sociable is key. Isolation should probably be the main thing you work to counteract. You don't want friends for the sake of leeching "value" or "encouragement" (that's what a PUA coach can be good for though), you want them so YOU can boost THEIR value, and make sure everyone has a great time when together -- whether you're one on one or in a group.

You can use feedback from on here, but it's always better to have people in real life who support your vision.

If you haven't seen it, I recommend checking out the Newbie Guide on this forum, as it's custom designed for getting you over those early level humps.

Best,
Howell

Hey Howell, thanks a lot for your input, i really appreciate it.

Man, i can tell you're definitely right about being indifferent about porn, not giving it much thought. Even though i sounded angry putting it that way, i've been chanelling my emotions on things i want to do just like you said, instead of contempting porn.

And yes, i get it... i don't want friends to leech value out of them, i want to give value. But i'm guessing i must go on by myself on this initial phase to build myself into a better person overall. Of course, i'll certainly try and make friends on the way though. The reason i'm saying this is because since i'm very goal oriented and focused on what i do, i'll only attract potential friends that are like this. And when i find people like this, they're already way above me in social skills, so there's not much i can give to form a bond.

I did see the Newbie Assisgnment and, if you look at my olders posts you'll see that about an year ago i attempted it, but only the first few steps and gave up. I'll resurrect my Newbie Assignment thread tomorrow though, i'll definitely stick to it this time.