"I just got out of a long relationship and I am not ready"

[Jeet02]

Fellas!

I know you have been in this situation before and I kinda need your help...ok not "kinda", I really do. It's been a while since I have met a girl I am interested in actually dating, rather than just hooking up with. Why? I don't even know why this one specifically. I will try to keep the story as short as possible...

I met her last weekend, we hit it off, got her number. All good. Texted he the next day, it was nice to meet her what not, she laughed and continued a joke I opened with and then told me "come to [insert venue here] tonight". I am feeling in cloud 9 at this point, like shit...it actually happened...she is interested...I wanted to ask he rout that same day but instead she was the one that told me to come. I texted her what time, and what not, but she is a terrible texter...and didn't really text me till like 4 hours later and it was just continuing the previous joke, didnt mention time. So whatever, I still go to the venue, and she is there. I approached her...but apparently she was drunk already (I got there kinda late) and barely talked to me. She said she is a bad texter cause she barely checks her phone because she likes to enjoy the moment. So after we stopped talking, cause she wasn't really into it so I left to play some shuffleboard, I kept looking over and I caught her on her phone quite a few times. So I texted her, right there, "Get off your phone...enjoy the moment". Asshole move? Perhaps. She never replied to that, obviously...or talked to me the rest of the night. I was pretty pissed to say the least.

Monday I text her, we actually hit it off, so I pull the trigger and ask her to go out Tuesday night. She said she had to go to PA but if she got back in time she would let me know. I told her that she would probably be tired anyway, so why not do Wednesday instead. She said wednesday she actually has a work dinner, she says "swear I am not dodging you ha just a busy week. Friday might be the only free night I have if not there's always next week!" So tell her no problem, let's aim for friday. Thursday I text her (since she is a slow freaking texter) about Friday..send out a pretty awesome text, in my opinion, and she replied saying that I was going to hate her but her coworker from chicago had to stay for the weekend and is staying with her, if we could push her to next thursday instead. I say sure no problem...but thursday doesn't work for me, I rather do earlier in the week... and that as far as Friday goes, we can still pregame or meet out at the bars. She said that no problem, for me to pick the day that worked for me, and that friday plan sounded "awesome".

Friday comes (this past friday)...and I don't hear from her...but we do meet (by coincidence maybe?) at the bar...I talked to her for a little bit and her roommate (I think is her roommate) introduced me to their Chicago friend. I had barely talked to her roommate, but she still knew my name. And then her Chicago friend said "Oh [my name] from [where I am from]" And I was like "Wow..how do you know that? ha" and she didn't answer. Rest of the night I am playing shuffleboard with her Chicago friend and her roommate...and her Chicago friend seems to hate me...legit dislike me even though I am trying to make friendly conversation. I told her that I have a feeling she doesn't like me very much...her answer? "I don't have any reason to like you"...and I was like whoa....you don't have any reasons to dislike me either? She said that she did...cause I am on Tinder she said. I asked her that if she knew that...then it meant that she had one too, and she said she didn't. That that's how I met the girl I am into supposedly...that we supposedly met through Tinder. But we didn't....so I was confused (still am). She told me the girl had broken up like a month ago with someone.

The next day I wake up from a text from the girl, telling me that she was sorry she didn't hang out with me...but that she just got out of a long relationship and isn't ready to go out on dates yet (bullshit much?) I said that I understood that...but that I felt like I kept getting mixed signals from her...but that we could still hang out in non-dates scenarios. She said that she thought she was going to be ready to go on dates but that apparently not and the non-date scenarios could "def work". I told her that I really never feel "Ready" for a first date, that's what they are for...to test the waters. And that we were going to some place that day... if they wanted to go. She said "ha true.." and then went on to say they were going to stay local that night (we were going a little far off).

So anywayyy....I am just trying to ask, I guess, is "I just broke up" a legitimate answer and perhaps doesn't reflect much on me but mostly on the fact that she really isn't ready? Cause part of me felt like she was interested, suggesting other days and what not, even though she took forever to reply. More often than not if a girl isn't interested she wouldn't suggest another day, much less apologize the next day either...I think?

What should my decision on this be? Should I continue to try? Should I let it go? For some reason I am pretty interested in this girl like I said...

Looking forward to your suggestions....Discuss...

-Jeet

 

[Verisimilitude]

I don't know how much more you can go here. I think its best to send a text like, "well when you feel better/ get back in the mood, let me know. I'll see you around."

And then that's it. I think you're wasting your time with this girl. If she really liked you, she'd be with you and it wouldn't matter how quick she got out of a relationship. I think you also need to work on your friend/lover value.

I know that sucks to hear. But it's the best thing to do.

V

 

[Jeet02]

Yeah I agree. I still think she is a little bit interested, but I am definitely not texting her to date or whatever. If anything, I will just text her when I am out in case she is at the bars...or maybe not even. But I am definitely going to back off a little.

Thanks man!

 

[Franco]

Jeet,

I have to agree with V on this one and say that there isn't much more left for you here. But I can help you for future reference.

"come to [insert venue here] tonight". I am feeling in cloud 9 at this point, like shit...it actually happened...she is interested...I wanted to ask he rout that same day but instead she was the one that told me to come. I texted her what time, and what not, but she is a terrible texter...and didn't really text me till like 4 hours later and it was just continuing the previous joke, didnt mention time. So whatever, I still go to the venue, and she is there.

Not a good move, here. Remember, we don't want to accept girl's invitations to "hang out," mostly because they never invite you to do one-on-one "date" situations, as was the case here. She invited you to a bar, you accepted, showed up, and then saw she was doing her own thing. That's pretty typical when you accept an invite from a girl like that. Next time, always decline invites from a girl to do what she suggests and, instead, try to set up a legitimate date with her by asking her for a drink, coffee, yogurt, or whatever.

and that as far as Friday goes, we can still pregame or meet out at the bars. She said that no problem, for me to pick the day that worked for me, and that friday plan sounded "awesome".

Same mistake, except this time you suggested a non-one-on-one meetup. You threw yourself out of the "lover" territory here.

So if there's anything to take away from this one, it's that you always need to be taking girls out on one-on-one dates, and not to clubs/bars. So make sure to keep that in mind for next time. =)

- Franco

 

[Verisimilitude]

So if there's anything to take away from this one, it's that you always need to be taking girls out on one-on-one dates, and not to clubs/bars. So make sure to keep that in mind for next time. =)

Not to thread hijack, but I think this is relevant to this situation. How do you feel about parties at colleges Franco? I have had limited success with this, but I feel like asking a girl out on a one on one date while I'm at college seems a little too boyfriendy where inviting them to a party, talking, pulling, then escalating seems like a lover thing.

I'm not sure how old you are Franco, but if someone who has some experience with this could help me out, I'd appreciate it.

 

[Franco]

V,

I feel like asking a girl out on a one on one date while I'm at college seems a little too boyfriendy where inviting them to a party, talking, pulling, then escalating seems like a lover thing.

There's a difference here in what you're implying. If you meet a girl outside of a college party (even if you're in college), then you can safely invite her for a drink or smoothie or whatever when you have time. You still want this to be one-on-one.

If you're AT a college party and looking to pick up girls, then that's a whole different story. You want to go for the close right then and there. You should only take numbers if you fail to get the close (so that you can try again later). Girls are always looking to hook up with guys at parties (or after parties), so you'll want to strike while the iron is hot.

You should always be going for same-day lays whenever they are available though, but if you're going to take a phone number, you should be using it to setup a one-on-one date.

- Franco

 

[Verisimilitude]

Thanks a ton Franco!