- Joined
- Jan 24, 2021
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- 2,203
Hey guys, you know how we all have self-talk and our ways of going back and forth with ourselves when dealing with a difficult situation, like meeting a hot girl?
There's something that works well for me, it's pretty simple but effective. I think of it as the "I just want to meet it" reflex.
Let's say you're getting ready to approach a girl who's either exceptionally hot or in some way a kind of girl you're not incredibly familiar with - maybe she's a 'type' that you just don't seem to know how to connect with. Anxiety kicks in, you start worrying about bumbling, and things go downhill.
A very good way to deal with this is just to say to yourself "I just want to meet it". And by 'it' I mean not just the girl herself, but the unfamiliarity and the emotions of being in a situation you don't yet know how to control.
This removes the pressure, because you don't expect anything, you just want to see what's there, what kind of girl she is. You just want to listen to the way she talks, feel the way she makes you feel, (maybe see how she rejects you) and discover something you didn't know about you and her.
Another good thing is that it arouses your own curiosity. Instead of going on a risky ego trip you are going on a trip of exploration to understand more about reality. This changes the way you feel going into the event, affecting the outcome.
Yet another good thing is that the word 'meet' has a very social and warm connotation, an expression of desire to understand and bridge gaps, and helps to put you in a mindset of being open toward her rather than defensive.
...
Something that this is linked closely to is what I call the 'secondary effect' regarding the impression you give to someone.
In social situations and out in public, people behave in ways that appear to stereotype other people - a tall guy might take up a bit of the space of a smaller guy, a hot girl might look down her nose at a guy who appears to be beneath her level etc. Implicit in this is the expectation that the other person will react in a way that reinforces the behavior - or otherwise it wouldn't be done.
But this is only part of the story. The reality is that this is only the primary effect, running on autopilot. But if the reaction they get is not what they expected, they must snap out of autopilot and re-evaluate a situation they don't control as well as they thought they did.
To put it clearly, the secondary effect is the effect that you have on someone as a result of your reaction to their first reaction of you.
The best possible secondary effect you can have, in my opinion, is intrigue. And the best way to create intrigue is to simply be unreactive, calm, maybe a bit bemused, and somewhat attentive. As if you are curious about what is going on, but not particularly interested.
The 'I just want to meet it' reflex is a very good way to create the intrigue that opens the space for the possibility of a new kind of interaction, because inherent in it is the idea that you don't expect or want anything, but you are curious about it. People who generally feel in control and run a lot of autopilot programs, as hot girls do, find it difficult to deal with still, calm curiosity as they are used to polarizing and eliciting invested reactions everywhere they go.
...
The 'I just want to meet it' reflex is not only for cold approach. I have used it very effectively to deal with situations that cause a strong emotional reflex in me - problems that I don't want to face, responsibilities I want to escape from. It's like there's a weight on the floor that you have to move, and it causes anxiety because you aren't sure you can move it, and if you can't move it it will weigh down on your life, and it has been there for years and is probably even heavier now ..
But when you decide to simply meet it, you can put your hands on the problem, feel its texture, examine it curiously, rock it back and forth, consider ways to leverage your strength and ability against it. And when that happens, it's only a matter of time before you will move it, because you have freed your most powerful tool - your mind - to explore the problem, gathering information that can feed into strategies that are effective and not just random shots in the dark.
There's something that works well for me, it's pretty simple but effective. I think of it as the "I just want to meet it" reflex.
Let's say you're getting ready to approach a girl who's either exceptionally hot or in some way a kind of girl you're not incredibly familiar with - maybe she's a 'type' that you just don't seem to know how to connect with. Anxiety kicks in, you start worrying about bumbling, and things go downhill.
A very good way to deal with this is just to say to yourself "I just want to meet it". And by 'it' I mean not just the girl herself, but the unfamiliarity and the emotions of being in a situation you don't yet know how to control.
This removes the pressure, because you don't expect anything, you just want to see what's there, what kind of girl she is. You just want to listen to the way she talks, feel the way she makes you feel, (maybe see how she rejects you) and discover something you didn't know about you and her.
Another good thing is that it arouses your own curiosity. Instead of going on a risky ego trip you are going on a trip of exploration to understand more about reality. This changes the way you feel going into the event, affecting the outcome.
Yet another good thing is that the word 'meet' has a very social and warm connotation, an expression of desire to understand and bridge gaps, and helps to put you in a mindset of being open toward her rather than defensive.
...
Something that this is linked closely to is what I call the 'secondary effect' regarding the impression you give to someone.
In social situations and out in public, people behave in ways that appear to stereotype other people - a tall guy might take up a bit of the space of a smaller guy, a hot girl might look down her nose at a guy who appears to be beneath her level etc. Implicit in this is the expectation that the other person will react in a way that reinforces the behavior - or otherwise it wouldn't be done.
But this is only part of the story. The reality is that this is only the primary effect, running on autopilot. But if the reaction they get is not what they expected, they must snap out of autopilot and re-evaluate a situation they don't control as well as they thought they did.
To put it clearly, the secondary effect is the effect that you have on someone as a result of your reaction to their first reaction of you.
The best possible secondary effect you can have, in my opinion, is intrigue. And the best way to create intrigue is to simply be unreactive, calm, maybe a bit bemused, and somewhat attentive. As if you are curious about what is going on, but not particularly interested.
The 'I just want to meet it' reflex is a very good way to create the intrigue that opens the space for the possibility of a new kind of interaction, because inherent in it is the idea that you don't expect or want anything, but you are curious about it. People who generally feel in control and run a lot of autopilot programs, as hot girls do, find it difficult to deal with still, calm curiosity as they are used to polarizing and eliciting invested reactions everywhere they go.
...
The 'I just want to meet it' reflex is not only for cold approach. I have used it very effectively to deal with situations that cause a strong emotional reflex in me - problems that I don't want to face, responsibilities I want to escape from. It's like there's a weight on the floor that you have to move, and it causes anxiety because you aren't sure you can move it, and if you can't move it it will weigh down on your life, and it has been there for years and is probably even heavier now ..
But when you decide to simply meet it, you can put your hands on the problem, feel its texture, examine it curiously, rock it back and forth, consider ways to leverage your strength and ability against it. And when that happens, it's only a matter of time before you will move it, because you have freed your most powerful tool - your mind - to explore the problem, gathering information that can feed into strategies that are effective and not just random shots in the dark.
