- Joined
- Jul 23, 2017
- Messages
- 187
This was more of an "I like you but I'm not ready yet" kind of deal going both ways for both of us. We've known each other for a couple of months now and have been really good friends. When I met her she had a boyfriend and we were really up front with the fact that I liked her but was okay being friends. So she just kind of became like a sister to me for a while. Then something happened and she broke up with her boyfriend and things almost immediately felt different between us. We hung out a few times alone together at night and nothing happened. We just hung out, but then after a month of her being single there was a moment where we kind felt like we were going to kiss but didn't. We just pretended the feeling wasn't there and went on. Everything was fine. At least until I start having some stuff happen in my personal life and need a friend to talk to. I almost went to a campus resource but she said she was free to hang out for a bit so I went to her.
We hang out for a bit and talk and somehow the kiss moment comes up and she says she felt it too. It became a long conversation because we want very different things in the long term. So then it gets late and she says I should go, so then I go to leave and we hug first but she doesn't let go. Then she tries to kiss me but freezes a few times because she has some PTSD related to intimacy so struggles to do so. I give a moment to get through it, and we end up cuddling for a few hours in bed. We try to kiss a few more times but it's too hard for her to do so we don't and it gets to the point where I don't want to leave because I felt like it was a bad thing to do so I don't. We cuddle more, hold hands, and generally bond a lot. Then she falls asleep in my arms, I try to leave but she wakes up and I end up falling asleep with her.
Morning comes and suddenly everything seems ok. Then we cuddle a bit more, and I get the idea to kiss her neck. So I do that, she gets excited and actually manages to kiss me. We make out a bit and there's some dry humping, I move my knee between her legs and she's rubbing against it. I go to remove her shirt but it seems like it's too much for her so I back off. She had to go home that day, so it wouldn't be like we'd have time to work towards that anyway. About a minute or two in, we stop making out and it comes time for me to go. I kiss her goodbye and she pushes through a flashback to do so and I go. I thanked her for pushing through that for the kiss and left.
The texts after that were warm but still the same as usual on my end but she took a few hours to respond. I later hear back from her, turns out she was just busy driving home and visiting family. But she says that she thought about it and said that she's just not ready to be anything more than friends since she's still working through some trauma and a messy breakup. I'm summing that up, though. The actual message was a longer wall of text. I agreed that if she wasn't ready, that I valued her more as a friend and didn't make a big deal out of it. Which she seemed to appreciate. For a day or so things were business as usual between us, with her putting more effort into texts. Although she had to cancel a hangout in advance since she had way too much work to do before our school break. I didn't make a big deal of it, I'm in the same boat so I completely understood.
Then today I find myself having to relive a traumatic experience of my own again and all my other friends are on a different continent right now for a holiday trip so they couldn't do much in person. She was the only other person around. I did not reach out to her initially because I thought it would be too much and didn't want to rock the boat with her. But eventually I decide to check how's she's doing with her workload to see if she's available and she doesn't respond for a bit (which is normal for both of us, life is really busy here and we do take hours to respond normally sometimes) but I didn't want to seem anxious about what was going on between us, because I was actually anxious about something entirely different lol So I explained I was going through some stuff and just needed a friend to talk to. She eventually got back to me and asked if I was ok. By that point, I was. So I said I was, and then nothing else was said. My guess is that she's still working on some stuff probably but wanted to make sure I was ok without getting stuck the same way we did on the night we kissed because I visited her for a very similar reason. Which I appreciate that she even bothered to check on me, but I thought it would be best to see what your thoughts are on how we should move forward as friends. I'm generally open to the idea of us being more when she's in a better place but would definitely prefer to stay friends.
I don't really need her to be a sexual partner in my life right now, I've been doing fine there (to the point where it's actually been to my own detriment lately, which is a whole other post but still).
EDIT: I should probably also add that I am currently the only friend she has at our college
We hang out for a bit and talk and somehow the kiss moment comes up and she says she felt it too. It became a long conversation because we want very different things in the long term. So then it gets late and she says I should go, so then I go to leave and we hug first but she doesn't let go. Then she tries to kiss me but freezes a few times because she has some PTSD related to intimacy so struggles to do so. I give a moment to get through it, and we end up cuddling for a few hours in bed. We try to kiss a few more times but it's too hard for her to do so we don't and it gets to the point where I don't want to leave because I felt like it was a bad thing to do so I don't. We cuddle more, hold hands, and generally bond a lot. Then she falls asleep in my arms, I try to leave but she wakes up and I end up falling asleep with her.
Morning comes and suddenly everything seems ok. Then we cuddle a bit more, and I get the idea to kiss her neck. So I do that, she gets excited and actually manages to kiss me. We make out a bit and there's some dry humping, I move my knee between her legs and she's rubbing against it. I go to remove her shirt but it seems like it's too much for her so I back off. She had to go home that day, so it wouldn't be like we'd have time to work towards that anyway. About a minute or two in, we stop making out and it comes time for me to go. I kiss her goodbye and she pushes through a flashback to do so and I go. I thanked her for pushing through that for the kiss and left.
The texts after that were warm but still the same as usual on my end but she took a few hours to respond. I later hear back from her, turns out she was just busy driving home and visiting family. But she says that she thought about it and said that she's just not ready to be anything more than friends since she's still working through some trauma and a messy breakup. I'm summing that up, though. The actual message was a longer wall of text. I agreed that if she wasn't ready, that I valued her more as a friend and didn't make a big deal out of it. Which she seemed to appreciate. For a day or so things were business as usual between us, with her putting more effort into texts. Although she had to cancel a hangout in advance since she had way too much work to do before our school break. I didn't make a big deal of it, I'm in the same boat so I completely understood.
Then today I find myself having to relive a traumatic experience of my own again and all my other friends are on a different continent right now for a holiday trip so they couldn't do much in person. She was the only other person around. I did not reach out to her initially because I thought it would be too much and didn't want to rock the boat with her. But eventually I decide to check how's she's doing with her workload to see if she's available and she doesn't respond for a bit (which is normal for both of us, life is really busy here and we do take hours to respond normally sometimes) but I didn't want to seem anxious about what was going on between us, because I was actually anxious about something entirely different lol So I explained I was going through some stuff and just needed a friend to talk to. She eventually got back to me and asked if I was ok. By that point, I was. So I said I was, and then nothing else was said. My guess is that she's still working on some stuff probably but wanted to make sure I was ok without getting stuck the same way we did on the night we kissed because I visited her for a very similar reason. Which I appreciate that she even bothered to check on me, but I thought it would be best to see what your thoughts are on how we should move forward as friends. I'm generally open to the idea of us being more when she's in a better place but would definitely prefer to stay friends.
I don't really need her to be a sexual partner in my life right now, I've been doing fine there (to the point where it's actually been to my own detriment lately, which is a whole other post but still).
EDIT: I should probably also add that I am currently the only friend she has at our college
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