I might be Incapable of fun and I fucked my coworker

[Dario]

Whatsup dude!

It’s been a while. In my last post, I was lamenting tinder and I’m glad I got rid of it (and all social media). I’ve got my priorities in line now lifting hard and working hard!

That aside I need your help! I did a big nono and it’s actually turning out really well!

I dipped my pen in company ink. That’s right!

I have been for two months. Is it worth it?

Yes!

She’s older than me and has no problem with screwing around. Okay, so what? Well, she has a beautiful ass c tits (small waist )and is an ABSOLUTE FREAK. This girl is a heathen!

Great! So what's the issue?

She's too nice. She's a total sweetheart and it’s really easy to have her around.

Sometimes shell sleep over and stay over into the next day and we’ll just have sex all day. I stopped doing this because it KILLS my productivity.

She got her toes painted green so I could suck em (big Lebowski style)! I think she's just having a good time because our sexual chemistry is off the charts

Anyway, she calls me “love” says she misses my face (wants to sit on it too) etc. She is investing big time. Always comes to me!.

So she wants me to take her out because she's just been coming over to my apartment. She says “let's do something fun I’m too cute to stay inside”. Fuucck sure okay shes right.

Look, guys, I’ll be honest. I’m kind of a stick in the mud. I’m a homebody. I did too much partying when I was sad and ignoring the important areas of my life. now partying makes me feel guilty no matter how much I work!

My only “fun” ideas are like expensive bars where they play jazz because it relaxes me….. That’s it!

TLDR

I'm banging my freaky coworker for months. She has invested a lot and wants a night out.

How do give her a fun time that’s not emotional, romantic? Something that is more casual maybe?

PLEASE DON'T SUGGEST CLUBS I HATE CLUBS

Bonus question: How do I make sure we're not getting into relationship territory? Feel dangerously close!

HEY HUE: If you're reading this what's up buddy?

 

[Fuck This]

Yep you are in Relationship territory.

You will continue to be if you stay on this road. You cut back on the contact and letting her sleep over and you will be met with work drama.

This is why we don't sleep with coworkers. Now you gotta marry her. It's like state law....

 

[Dario]

Yep you are in Relationship territory.

You will continue to be if you stay on this road. You cut back on the contact and letting her sleep over and you will be met with work drama.

This is why we don't sleep with coworkers. Now you gotta marry her. It's like state law....

ha! Appreciate the light hearted response! Straight to the point!

Tell me if this sounds better:

Text for logistics only. Become unavailable for a week. Create some distance. Hang out with her (sex evertime) but she’s not allowed to sleep over.

Problem is not allowing her to sleep over will be a big shift in how things have been! I’ll just say it’s for my quality of sleep. Thoughts?

 

[Hue]

HEY HUE: If you're reading this what's up buddy?

*sees Hue Man signal above the city lights* *meditates into quantum space and pixels into scene*

Sup bitch.

Lolololol

How do give her a fun time that’s not emotional, romantic? Something that is more casual maybe?

PLEASE DON'T SUGGEST CLUBS I HATE CLUBS

Bonus question: How do I make sure we're not getting into relationship territory? Feel dangerously close!

Yea man, you're definitely moving rapidly into relationship territory - and she probably already feels like you're there. A lot harder to hit the breaks now. This is why expectations and frame is suuuper key. I usually go for the "low expectations, play it by ear" frame.

She's asking for more commitment from you by wanting to do things other than meet up and fuck.

You could continue to dodge her requests, but more than likely she'll eventually realize you're dodging / being overly flakey and call you out. The, "what are we / I want more" talk. Assuming that hasn't explicitly happened yet. At that point you have to basically tell her you like where the two of you are right now, which she probably won't like --> frame battle.

If you hold your ground and don't break frame (making it clear that you do like her and love the sex you two are having, and still make her feel cared about - she sounds great), hopefully you can keep it where you are. She might also find another guy to fill that role for her. Depends on how badly she wants that type of relationship and how the talk goes.

But yea if it hasn't already happened it's coming.

For this reason I wouldn't lie to her about why you can't do X, it will hurt her when you have to honestly say that you just don't want to go do those things. I personally think you're better off using inaction to stop feeding frames that you've already set into place, like having her over a lot.

She says “let's do something fun I’m too cute to stay inside”. Fuucck sure okay shes right.

How exactly did this conversation go?

Look, guys, I’ll be honest. I’m kind of a stick in the mud. I’m a homebody. I did too much partying when I was sad and ignoring the important areas of my life. now partying makes me feel guilty no matter how much I work!

My only “fun” ideas are like expensive bars where they play jazz because it relaxes me….. That’s it!

Yeah now that I'm getting my shit together too I know how it goes. You get into that work zone where it feels rewarding and to not be doing that you've basically taught yourself isn't "what you should be doing". I'm still finding myself and grow immensely from going out and interacting with people, so right now I'm focusing on just finding a balance between the two.

Lower energy bars are definitely more appealing to me now as well. Assuming you're okay with moving forward with the relationship (and that's totally up to you), an expensive bar would be fine, no? I mean there's plenty of shit you can do, depending on where you live. Casual food, watching a sports game somewhere, ice cream or some shit - up to you. I'm sure you're capable of having fun in places other than bars you'd get fucked up at, try exploring some things you've never done!

Just know that every time you up the ante, her expectations are now that you two do those sorts of things. At it just keeps going up from there.

This is why we don't sleep with coworkers. Now you gotta marry her. It's like state law....

FT makes an excellent point here on why you might not want to go forward though.

Once you start getting relationshipy, it will eventually become public because she'll want to show you off / show she's got a high quality man. Once it's public, you're fucked. It means that the relationship "should" continue while you stay at the company - both parties start to talk themselves into it to not have to deal with the work drama. And HR no likey if you guys break up. HR no likey in general, because work relationships have high potential for messy stuff.

So you stay with her, and the relationship becomes even more relationshipy (for better or worse), and the commitment demands just keep getting higher from her end.

Or then people usually decide they'll break up and one person leave, which potentially means that you could lose your job / make your work environment worse for pussy.

That's all down the road, and from what I've read and experienced there's ways to deal with this to make it out alive (and sometimes things don't hit worst case scenario, depending on the people involved), but that's the typical trajectory.



I suggest that you set some frames when the talk happens to accomplish:

• Keeping the relationship where it is, until your work situation is more convenient

• Making sure the relationship is a total secret between the two of you and it remains that way

• Sex is reinforced as where you two do the best, rather than expensive dates

I'd definitely check out Grand Pooba's series on the main site too. While your situation isn't as clean cut as what he lays out, there's plenty to learn from what he wrote.

How to Build a Harem, Pt 6: The Talk


Hope this helps daddio del dario.

Hue