I Should Avoid Long Breaks

[BarryS1]

Every time I take a break from approaching new girls, I get approach anxiety again. The first lasted six days from a busy schedule and the second for eight days because of dating a girl. I’ve been approaching for 2 months now and the first occurred at the end of the 1st month and the second this week.

Before the first break, I approached 35 girls and got 4 phone numbers. In other words, I had a history of ACTUALLY following the steps.

Walking into Kohl’s after the first break made me nervous, red-faced, negative minded (“This is stupid, nobody does this. I will look weird”) and watery-eyed. Approaching a girl in her 30’s at Kohl’s felt exactly like the first time asking a girl if she was single, I was too embarrassed to continue with the conversation.

Me: Hi

Girl: (looks towards me)

Me: Are you single?

Girl: Um, no. (Laughs and smiles)

Me: Oh, ok. (Walks away from girl even though she’s still standing)


By the second break, I approached 68 girls and gotten 6 phone numbers.

Today marked the end of the eight day break, but I did not think the nervousness would return. I took the same girl on three dates last week with the last resulting in sex (Will post LR later)! I thought my skills would remain intact until I had free time again. A worse experience happened in at Target today because I did not approach despite walking around for 50 min. I had three chances standing next to different girls in deserted aisles with NOBODY else around.


Anyone have approach anxiety return that quickly? I am still new and probably need more experience before making the skills “stick” longer.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey Barry,

From experience, yeah, it does come back pretty quick. When I was really beginning, I couldn't even miss a day or it would come back in full force.

Anyways, the first approach on any given day is the hardest. I always considered that my "throw-away" interaction, because it wasn't about the quality of the interaction, just the fact I was opening (rejection or not; didn't matter).

If I were to propose a solution to REALLY getting over AA, go for 10-15 approaches a day for a week. After that, it's pretty much done (unless, of course, you take another long break!).

Nick

 

[ocantu1987]

Hey Barry, out of all those girls you approached did you ask all of them for their numbers? or only the ones that you clicked with? I am just curious...

 

[BarryS1]

If I were to propose a solution to REALLY getting over AA, go for 10-15 approaches a day for a week. After that, it's pretty much done (unless, of course, you take another long break!).

10-15 approaches would take a few hours, I should have done that over summer break. I think you just came up with an Intermediate Assignment! Yeah, sooner I got over this hump the better. My "break glass in case of emergency" plan involves going into a random store for 10 min. to approach ANY girl. I cannot let this go for for more 3 days next time.

Hey Barry, out of all those girls you approached did you ask all of them for their numbers? or only the ones that you clicked with? I am just curious...

According to my excel file journal, I asked for contact information ten times. The situations where I do not ask involves a girl walking away or me getting tongue tied and stopping the conversation.

Here's my dialogue i've pieced together from various members (Chase, Ricardo, Zphix, and AsianPersuation). I have never had a girl say she was single yet.

(Note: I usually have an item in my hand while shopping around).

Me: Hi

Girl: (looks over)

Me: Are you single?

Girl: Um, no sorry. (Surprised look)

Me: Oh, that's too bad. I thought you were attractive and wanted to say hello.

Girl: Oh, thanks. (usually looks back down at whatever she was looking at)

(This is the point I usually DONT get past)

Me: I am just here to pick up a (item in hand). What brings you here today?

Girl: (Response like just got off work, day off, ect.)

Me: Ok, I am in the area too. I commute from X. You know, I'm actually in a rush. Would you like to see me again?

(if interested)

Girl: Um, I don't know. (Other b.s. excuse)

Me: It won't take too much time, promise. How can I contact you?

Girl: You could take my number.


If I do not blow out, a conversation lasts about one minute. Comparing the dialogue to FR by other members such as Zphix and AsianPersuation, I do not know why this works. I do not touch, set frames, or apply any other fundamentals. Another point, the girls who say yes are in their late 20s (I'm 22). Maybe they have been approached before and know the intention behind an approach.

 

[metomeya]

Ya, I notice this. I can go from approaching a ton of girls to almost zero (just walking around which can get me depressed).

I think this is all from a natural fear of being judged by people around you including the person you are approaching.

I find the following things can work:
1.) Tell myself the first person I see (male, female, young, or old) to ask for direction. This will break you out of silent walking mode.
2.) Talk on the phone with other people around (better with headsets). Even if there is no one on the phone. It'll help break your fear of being judged.
3.) Figure out how exactly you are going to approach a target before you do. You are scripting to your brain how everything is going to down. This makes breaking away last minute much less likely.
4.) Keep practicing. It keeps going away little by little. Think of the stock market...you get your highs and lows but you are always slowly going up.

All the best!