- Joined
- Feb 13, 2013
- Messages
- 1,275
Well, I didn't fuck a midget. Huge disappointment? I know... I'm aware that I immediately just put a huge damper on the whole story, but keep reading... This one's still pretty fun.
One of the local bars landed a midget wrestling show through one of their promo companies. They sold tickets in advance for $20, so of course me and a few of my friends bought some.
The show was Saturday.
The wrestling starts at 9 so we get to the bar to pregame about 8. The place is already pretty packed. We're downstairs (the show will be upstairs) and its me, my best bud DoctorWood and his girl, my other pal Shitstarter and his girl, and my wingman for the evening (since he's single too), Krash.
We're huddled together at the center of the place downstairs and Krash and I are scoping for targets. There's several just within our eye's reach already, and it's early, so there will be no shortage of pussy in this place.
A couple girls, one a thin brunette with those trendy horn-rimmed glasses (hipster?) and the other, a thin older-looking (early 30s) blonde, squeeze in behind us to get drinks.
Krash taps the blonde on the right shoulder from behind (don't do this if you can avoid it; pre-open so she notices you first) and asks her if she's ready to watch the little people fuck each other up. She responds fairly warmly to him and they have a quick exchange. Her friend, the brunette, has her back to us getting drinks.
After a minute she turns around and joins us in conversation. We all introduce ourselves and chit-chat and shortly after an older guy friend of mine taps me and says hey and joins all of us in conversation. He proceeds to give my buddy and I a quick crash-course on how NOT to deep-dive a chick.
Krash has been chatting up the blonde during most of this interaction. After another few minutes, DoctorWood and the rest of the gang grab us and we all head upstairs, and Krash and OlderGuy and I tell the girls it was cool meeting them and we part ways for the time being.
The show is about to start, so we grab another round of drinks at the bar upstairs and the tables are full so we stand near the wall in the West side of the room.
There’s a rather loud group of several people at a table in front of us, and Shitstarter and DoctorWood know one of them so we all kind of hover here while they talk.
Game on, it’s midget time.
I’d seen the shitty little white bus that the midgets arrived in out front, backed up to the door that goes up the stairs from the outside. I figured there would be more midgets than there were, given that there was a bus. Ended up being only like six of them in total. Two black dudes, four white dudes. I was told there would a female midget but she apparently didn’t make it.
The first match is a little black dude with a red mohawk pitted against one of the white dudes. Four of the midgets would proceed to party their asses off after the show, these being two of them.
There’s no way to describe this, really. I felt euphoric watching the two wee little men fight each other. They don’t really walk- they kind of waddle, actually. At one point the white dude jumps from the top rope onto the little black mohawk guy and the first match is over.
Me and Krash go to get another round of drinks at the bar in the back. There’s a long wait and I chat up a very short strawberry blonde while in line. I tell her I’m confused about midget reproduction, whether two regular people can fuck and make a midget or if it has to be two midgets or if just one person can be a midget and carry the gene. She thinks I’m hilarious. She also informs me that she thinks that two midgets can have a baby that is a regular-sized human. I’m astounded by this information.
I introduce myself and my buddy Krash and he continues with the topic of midget sex as he asks her if she finds them attractive in any way. Of course she laughs hysterically and says no. I could tell he was just fucking with her, but he was so deadpan about it that it made even funnier.
Sadly, she didn’t get the joke at all. I just tell her she must not be a sports fan. Fail!
We get drinks finally, bid StrawberryShortcakes farewell and head back over and the next match starts. During this match, the guy who I’m guessing is the promoter/manager and driver of the midget bus goes around the room and is hitting people up for “donations”. Guess he didn’t get the memo that we paid twenty bucks for this shit haha.
After the next match we head downstairs and go outside to smoke. HipsterBrunette and her wiry, older blonde friend is out here so Krash and I chat them up again. They ask us if we want to do shots before we go back upstairs. I tell them I’m not in the mood for shots, and I am rocking a fauxhawk and HipsterBrunette says to me: “Your hair says you want shots” and everyone laughs. She reaches up and messes with my hair, and I grab her around the waist and pick her up and start to carry her back inside. She shrieks with laughter, and I put her down and the four of us go back in and do shots and eventually head back upstairs.
We had apparently missed most of the current match that’s going on and DoctorWood and Shitstarter eagerly inform us that we also missed out on the manager guy auctioning off the opportunity to hit a midget with a weapon. I am giddy about this and ask who won and he points at some random dude across the room.
I’m very curious as to the terminology used: “weapon”… I am thinking about chairs and stop signs and things like that, but I’d soon be disappointed. The two girls have stuck with Krash and I for the time being.
The group discusses options as to what the weapon might be. I ask HipsterBrunette if she brought her dildo in her purse, because they could use that. She says her dildo wouldn’t fit in her purse. I like this girl haha.
Eventually they get the guy up there and what do they pull out from under the ring? A fucking aluminum pie pan! What a crock of shit. The guy gets up there and the manager guy has the mic and tells him to let the midget have it good with the pie pan. The guy hits the midget over the head with it, and the midget takes the mic from the manager guy and says: “I fuck bitches harder than that” *mic drop*
Hahaha hilarious. So now the midget gets to hit the guy with the pie pan, and smacks the shit out of him with it. We’re all dying laughing and HipsterBrunette has leaned into me and I have my arm wrapped around her with my hand resting above her left hip. She buries her head into my chest as she laughs. I’m thinking it could be on here.
After the next match the four of us head back downstairs to smoke again, and I decide to wander off a bit when we get done and get back inside. I head to the restroom, wait in line, come back out and as I’m heading up the stairs a very young (and pretty) girl pokes me in the back and opens me with “Move it along old man!”
I stop walking at this point, smile real big and look up and away from her and she breaks the silence with “I’m Amanda!”
I tell her my name and we park by the wall for a moment and she starts asking me questions:
- Where’re your friends? (“Over there by that table”)
- What are you drinking? (“Jack and Coke”)
- So how old are you, really? I was just kidding around (“You have to guess now since you were so mean to me”)
She guesses 30 and don’t confirm nor deny, but just seem to go along with it.
HipsterBrunette, her friend and Krash beat me upstairs and I can see them watching me talk to this girl. Eventually, we exchange numbers and plan to catch up with each other and party downstairs after the show.
I head back over to the table and HipsterBrunette is salty. Oops. She starts flirting with some other dude nearby in an obvious (and futile) attempt to make me jealous.
I’m sure she’s expecting me to start making some moves, scrambling to get her attention back. I don’t even pay attention to any of it, which I think just frustrates her more.
The show ends after about another half hour. I’m starting to feel pretty good at this point, so I won’t remember as much dialogue throughout the rest of this. People file downstairs but I stay and talk with some of the people I know that work here and are cleaning up. I help a little bit, and the midgets are mingling and the white dude from the first fight, who we just started calling “Boston” because he is from there and seems quite proud of it with his little forearm tattoo that says “Boston” in cursive lettering.
A buddy of mine, Tommy, wants to wrestle a midget. The other black one (not the mohawk one) offers to wrestle him. We capture this on video and post it to social media. Tommy isn’t a real big guy, maybe 5-foot-10 or so, but the midget actually flips him over at one point. We’re all dying laughing. There’s a midget standing near them double-fisting Budweisers and egging them on… and that is almost as funny as Tommy getting beat up by a 3 and a half foot tall black dude.
I’m up here for about 30 minutes dicking around with everybody, finally go downstairs and go out back to smoke. Boston is out there, and he's fucking smoking one hitters. He offers me one, and I decline and tell him that he shouldn’t be doing that out here. He’s vulgar. Tells me to “fuck off” haha. I find it hard to argue with midgets, believe it or not, regardless of the subject.
He is wearing one of those animal hats they make for little kids (a monkey one) and the ear flaps that hang down on each side contain a pack of Marlboro cigarettes in one and his weed and phone in the other. This is the greatest night of my entire life.
HipsterBrunette comes outside and approaches me and she’s apparently had a change of heart because she says she “couldn’t find me for a while”. She comments on Boston’s animal hat and he tells her something like: “I can put all my stuff in it and its super warm too. I got all of them; all the animals. They’re like 40 bucks a piece but I don’t give a fuck.”
HipsterBrunette tells him he’s full of shit and they have them at Walgreens for like $3.99 and takes it off his head and puts in on. He (I shit you not) picks her up and throws her over his shoulder and starts smacking her on the ass. She doesn’t attempt to get down, I think she likes the attention. People get their phones out and start taking pics haha.
After a minute I go back inside and I see TeenyBopper and she gives me a big hug and we start chatting and I want to take her home and bang the shit out of her pretty bad. I tell her, “Hey let’s have one more drink and then get out of here” and she’s like “Out of here, like where?” and I say “My house. Just because it’s loud in here and I have drinks at my place” and she says she’s here with friends.
I just look at her and I say: “So. Fuck your friends.” And I’m just messing with her, and she knows it so she laughs and says something about how she wants to but she doesn’t want to be “that girl”. I say something back along the lines of “What girl? You mean the one who actually found a sexy guy to hang out with” and she hems and haws (or pretends to) for a moment and then I get an “Ok!”
We actually don’t even order another drink, and we stop next to a group that I’m guessing are her friends and she tells one girl (not sure who all she was with, but apparently this girl was one that she could say she was coming with me and knew the girl wouldn’t cockblock, so I’m guessing she picked her out of the group for this reason).
I love a slut with a game plan.
This only lasts a moment and next thing you know we’re firing up my truck and heading back to my place. I live literally three blocks from this bar, so there’s not much “smalltalk to keep her mind busy” here.
I’d left my dog (130lb Rottweiler) with free roam of the house, and he loves guests, so he attacks her with loving licks and is jumping all over her when we walk in the door. Good thing she appears to like dogs! She sits on the floor and plays with the fucking dog while I make us drinks.
Eventually I put the dog the out back, sit us on the sofa and waste zero time. We start making out and move to my bed.
I have a text from HipsterBrunette: “Where r u???”
Punk ass motherfuckin’ bitch got the 86 haha ;-)
Me and TeenyBopper lie on my bed, and make out more. I get some light LMR, but this shit is just so easy to deal with nowadays. Really hard LMR, I’ll just sit up and put my shirt/clothes back on and wait for her to either leave or get on the offensive and initiate with me physically again. Light LMR, just keep things super playful, tease her, push-pull until she’s horny and escalate as appropriate.
Eventually we’re naked, fuckin’ and suckin’ and I have brick dick so I last forever and can’t nut. Good for her, I suppose!
She wants me to take her to her car, which is in some other town about 20 miles away. I finally talk her into just staying the night and going back to get her car in the morning.
We fall asleep, wake up and I go to fuck her again. She wants to use the bathroom first, and I can hear her in there guzzling mouthwash hahaha. She comes back out and I actually have to piss like a racehorse now, so I hurry and do that and hit some mouthwash myself. Come back out to find her fully naked again under my sheets with the blanket pulled up to her chin and giggling like a little schoolgirl.
I dive in and hit it again and get my nut this time. Fuck yes!
Take her back to her car, and as I’m heading home I get another text from HipsterBrunette: “Where did you go last night?! Nobody knew what happened to you. I even bought you a tshirt lol…“
Sends me a picture of this godawful looking white tshirt that says on it: “I SUPPORT MIDGET VIOLENCE”
J.J.
One of the local bars landed a midget wrestling show through one of their promo companies. They sold tickets in advance for $20, so of course me and a few of my friends bought some.
The show was Saturday.
The wrestling starts at 9 so we get to the bar to pregame about 8. The place is already pretty packed. We're downstairs (the show will be upstairs) and its me, my best bud DoctorWood and his girl, my other pal Shitstarter and his girl, and my wingman for the evening (since he's single too), Krash.
We're huddled together at the center of the place downstairs and Krash and I are scoping for targets. There's several just within our eye's reach already, and it's early, so there will be no shortage of pussy in this place.
A couple girls, one a thin brunette with those trendy horn-rimmed glasses (hipster?) and the other, a thin older-looking (early 30s) blonde, squeeze in behind us to get drinks.
Krash taps the blonde on the right shoulder from behind (don't do this if you can avoid it; pre-open so she notices you first) and asks her if she's ready to watch the little people fuck each other up. She responds fairly warmly to him and they have a quick exchange. Her friend, the brunette, has her back to us getting drinks.
After a minute she turns around and joins us in conversation. We all introduce ourselves and chit-chat and shortly after an older guy friend of mine taps me and says hey and joins all of us in conversation. He proceeds to give my buddy and I a quick crash-course on how NOT to deep-dive a chick.
OlderGuy (to HipsterBrunette): So what do you do for a living?
HipsterBrunette: I’m a nurse.
OlderGuy: Oh yeah, what made you want to get into that? (has he been reading GC??)
HipsterBrunette: Well I don’t know, really! I was just interested in the medical field is all.
OlderGuy: Awesome! (Haha maybe he HASN’T been reading GC… ugh
HipsterBrunette: (confused look) Haha yeah… I really enjoy it.
Krash: I would’ve pegged you as a librarian or a school teacher.
Me: Or a porn star, maybe.
HipsterBrunette: Hahaha! The glasses…. Yeah… I get that a lot
OlderGuy: The librarian thing or the porn star thing?
HipsterBrunette: Definitely NOT the porn star one haha!
Me: Well hey, I never underestimate anyone these days.
Krash: Yeah cuz you know what they do to girls with glasses in pornos don’t you? (to HipsterBrunette)
HipsterBrunette: Oh my gosh! Haha I can get a mental image of this, yes.
OlderGuy: (to me and Krash) I’d blow my load on her glasses!
*cringe worthy*
Me: (to HipsterBrunette) And he’s on his first drink…
OlderGuy: It’s my second haha.
Me: (again to HipsterBrunette with a wink) Just wait ‘til number five.
Krash has been chatting up the blonde during most of this interaction. After another few minutes, DoctorWood and the rest of the gang grab us and we all head upstairs, and Krash and OlderGuy and I tell the girls it was cool meeting them and we part ways for the time being.
The show is about to start, so we grab another round of drinks at the bar upstairs and the tables are full so we stand near the wall in the West side of the room.
There’s a rather loud group of several people at a table in front of us, and Shitstarter and DoctorWood know one of them so we all kind of hover here while they talk.
Game on, it’s midget time.
I’d seen the shitty little white bus that the midgets arrived in out front, backed up to the door that goes up the stairs from the outside. I figured there would be more midgets than there were, given that there was a bus. Ended up being only like six of them in total. Two black dudes, four white dudes. I was told there would a female midget but she apparently didn’t make it.
The first match is a little black dude with a red mohawk pitted against one of the white dudes. Four of the midgets would proceed to party their asses off after the show, these being two of them.
There’s no way to describe this, really. I felt euphoric watching the two wee little men fight each other. They don’t really walk- they kind of waddle, actually. At one point the white dude jumps from the top rope onto the little black mohawk guy and the first match is over.
Me and Krash go to get another round of drinks at the bar in the back. There’s a long wait and I chat up a very short strawberry blonde while in line. I tell her I’m confused about midget reproduction, whether two regular people can fuck and make a midget or if it has to be two midgets or if just one person can be a midget and carry the gene. She thinks I’m hilarious. She also informs me that she thinks that two midgets can have a baby that is a regular-sized human. I’m astounded by this information.
I introduce myself and my buddy Krash and he continues with the topic of midget sex as he asks her if she finds them attractive in any way. Of course she laughs hysterically and says no. I could tell he was just fucking with her, but he was so deadpan about it that it made even funnier.
Sadly, she didn’t get the joke at all. I just tell her she must not be a sports fan. Fail!
We get drinks finally, bid StrawberryShortcakes farewell and head back over and the next match starts. During this match, the guy who I’m guessing is the promoter/manager and driver of the midget bus goes around the room and is hitting people up for “donations”. Guess he didn’t get the memo that we paid twenty bucks for this shit haha.
After the next match we head downstairs and go outside to smoke. HipsterBrunette and her wiry, older blonde friend is out here so Krash and I chat them up again. They ask us if we want to do shots before we go back upstairs. I tell them I’m not in the mood for shots, and I am rocking a fauxhawk and HipsterBrunette says to me: “Your hair says you want shots” and everyone laughs. She reaches up and messes with my hair, and I grab her around the waist and pick her up and start to carry her back inside. She shrieks with laughter, and I put her down and the four of us go back in and do shots and eventually head back upstairs.
We had apparently missed most of the current match that’s going on and DoctorWood and Shitstarter eagerly inform us that we also missed out on the manager guy auctioning off the opportunity to hit a midget with a weapon. I am giddy about this and ask who won and he points at some random dude across the room.
I’m very curious as to the terminology used: “weapon”… I am thinking about chairs and stop signs and things like that, but I’d soon be disappointed. The two girls have stuck with Krash and I for the time being.
The group discusses options as to what the weapon might be. I ask HipsterBrunette if she brought her dildo in her purse, because they could use that. She says her dildo wouldn’t fit in her purse. I like this girl haha.
Eventually they get the guy up there and what do they pull out from under the ring? A fucking aluminum pie pan! What a crock of shit. The guy gets up there and the manager guy has the mic and tells him to let the midget have it good with the pie pan. The guy hits the midget over the head with it, and the midget takes the mic from the manager guy and says: “I fuck bitches harder than that” *mic drop*
Hahaha hilarious. So now the midget gets to hit the guy with the pie pan, and smacks the shit out of him with it. We’re all dying laughing and HipsterBrunette has leaned into me and I have my arm wrapped around her with my hand resting above her left hip. She buries her head into my chest as she laughs. I’m thinking it could be on here.
After the next match the four of us head back downstairs to smoke again, and I decide to wander off a bit when we get done and get back inside. I head to the restroom, wait in line, come back out and as I’m heading up the stairs a very young (and pretty) girl pokes me in the back and opens me with “Move it along old man!”
I stop walking at this point, smile real big and look up and away from her and she breaks the silence with “I’m Amanda!”
I tell her my name and we park by the wall for a moment and she starts asking me questions:
- Where’re your friends? (“Over there by that table”)
- What are you drinking? (“Jack and Coke”)
- So how old are you, really? I was just kidding around (“You have to guess now since you were so mean to me”)
She guesses 30 and don’t confirm nor deny, but just seem to go along with it.
HipsterBrunette, her friend and Krash beat me upstairs and I can see them watching me talk to this girl. Eventually, we exchange numbers and plan to catch up with each other and party downstairs after the show.
I head back over to the table and HipsterBrunette is salty. Oops. She starts flirting with some other dude nearby in an obvious (and futile) attempt to make me jealous.
I’m sure she’s expecting me to start making some moves, scrambling to get her attention back. I don’t even pay attention to any of it, which I think just frustrates her more.
The show ends after about another half hour. I’m starting to feel pretty good at this point, so I won’t remember as much dialogue throughout the rest of this. People file downstairs but I stay and talk with some of the people I know that work here and are cleaning up. I help a little bit, and the midgets are mingling and the white dude from the first fight, who we just started calling “Boston” because he is from there and seems quite proud of it with his little forearm tattoo that says “Boston” in cursive lettering.
A buddy of mine, Tommy, wants to wrestle a midget. The other black one (not the mohawk one) offers to wrestle him. We capture this on video and post it to social media. Tommy isn’t a real big guy, maybe 5-foot-10 or so, but the midget actually flips him over at one point. We’re all dying laughing. There’s a midget standing near them double-fisting Budweisers and egging them on… and that is almost as funny as Tommy getting beat up by a 3 and a half foot tall black dude.
I’m up here for about 30 minutes dicking around with everybody, finally go downstairs and go out back to smoke. Boston is out there, and he's fucking smoking one hitters. He offers me one, and I decline and tell him that he shouldn’t be doing that out here. He’s vulgar. Tells me to “fuck off” haha. I find it hard to argue with midgets, believe it or not, regardless of the subject.
He is wearing one of those animal hats they make for little kids (a monkey one) and the ear flaps that hang down on each side contain a pack of Marlboro cigarettes in one and his weed and phone in the other. This is the greatest night of my entire life.
HipsterBrunette comes outside and approaches me and she’s apparently had a change of heart because she says she “couldn’t find me for a while”. She comments on Boston’s animal hat and he tells her something like: “I can put all my stuff in it and its super warm too. I got all of them; all the animals. They’re like 40 bucks a piece but I don’t give a fuck.”
HipsterBrunette tells him he’s full of shit and they have them at Walgreens for like $3.99 and takes it off his head and puts in on. He (I shit you not) picks her up and throws her over his shoulder and starts smacking her on the ass. She doesn’t attempt to get down, I think she likes the attention. People get their phones out and start taking pics haha.
After a minute I go back inside and I see TeenyBopper and she gives me a big hug and we start chatting and I want to take her home and bang the shit out of her pretty bad. I tell her, “Hey let’s have one more drink and then get out of here” and she’s like “Out of here, like where?” and I say “My house. Just because it’s loud in here and I have drinks at my place” and she says she’s here with friends.
I just look at her and I say: “So. Fuck your friends.” And I’m just messing with her, and she knows it so she laughs and says something about how she wants to but she doesn’t want to be “that girl”. I say something back along the lines of “What girl? You mean the one who actually found a sexy guy to hang out with” and she hems and haws (or pretends to) for a moment and then I get an “Ok!”
We actually don’t even order another drink, and we stop next to a group that I’m guessing are her friends and she tells one girl (not sure who all she was with, but apparently this girl was one that she could say she was coming with me and knew the girl wouldn’t cockblock, so I’m guessing she picked her out of the group for this reason).
I love a slut with a game plan.
This only lasts a moment and next thing you know we’re firing up my truck and heading back to my place. I live literally three blocks from this bar, so there’s not much “smalltalk to keep her mind busy” here.
I’d left my dog (130lb Rottweiler) with free roam of the house, and he loves guests, so he attacks her with loving licks and is jumping all over her when we walk in the door. Good thing she appears to like dogs! She sits on the floor and plays with the fucking dog while I make us drinks.
Eventually I put the dog the out back, sit us on the sofa and waste zero time. We start making out and move to my bed.
I have a text from HipsterBrunette: “Where r u???”
Punk ass motherfuckin’ bitch got the 86 haha ;-)
Me and TeenyBopper lie on my bed, and make out more. I get some light LMR, but this shit is just so easy to deal with nowadays. Really hard LMR, I’ll just sit up and put my shirt/clothes back on and wait for her to either leave or get on the offensive and initiate with me physically again. Light LMR, just keep things super playful, tease her, push-pull until she’s horny and escalate as appropriate.
Eventually we’re naked, fuckin’ and suckin’ and I have brick dick so I last forever and can’t nut. Good for her, I suppose!
She wants me to take her to her car, which is in some other town about 20 miles away. I finally talk her into just staying the night and going back to get her car in the morning.
We fall asleep, wake up and I go to fuck her again. She wants to use the bathroom first, and I can hear her in there guzzling mouthwash hahaha. She comes back out and I actually have to piss like a racehorse now, so I hurry and do that and hit some mouthwash myself. Come back out to find her fully naked again under my sheets with the blanket pulled up to her chin and giggling like a little schoolgirl.
I dive in and hit it again and get my nut this time. Fuck yes!
Take her back to her car, and as I’m heading home I get another text from HipsterBrunette: “Where did you go last night?! Nobody knew what happened to you. I even bought you a tshirt lol…
“Sends me a picture of this godawful looking white tshirt that says on it: “I SUPPORT MIDGET VIOLENCE”
J.J.
