- Joined
- Dec 16, 2015
- Messages
- 183
So as embarrassing as it is posting about how I failed to close 3 dates (one of them even a high interest 2nd date), I need to post here and get feedback to fix whatever issue is currently ailing my date process. These were all Okcupid pulls, dunno why but my cold approach isn't working as well (probably just need to do it more, I've been on Okcupid for awhile now and know how to pull numbers/setup dates there).
Date One: Seemed pretty low interest over text, flaked back on Tuesday last week. I was gonna NEXT her, since she flaked by just a short text message saying how tired she was; but then she sends me a paragraph about how bad she feels being a flake. I believe I rescheduled right there for Thursday (a mistake I think, according to the articles). Anyway we go out at about 8:30 PM on Thursday to a Dennys, I walk in and she's even more gorgeous than her pics (surprising for online dating). We order coffee/desert and talk for about an hour, I found out a lot about her but... I don't think I'm building the emotional connection/deep diving like I think I am. Also I think I'm talking FAAAAR too much about myself, and I think that might be my biggest issue right now. Anyway after coffee around 10:30 I say "let's go chill in my car for a bit so I can hit my vape", she says "ok", and we go in the car. We talk a bit more but she's sitting SUPER far away from me. We start talking about dates we've been on from the site, she asks me about the worst dates I've been on (changed the subject back to her on this because I couldn't remember lol); she tells me about a guy who picked her up at the craft store, then tried to hookup with her literally as soon as they got to the drive in and got mad when she didn't. A little later I try to do the weakest verbal pull I've ever done in my life, telling her to "come closer to me", she easily denys me and asks why. I say "Cuz I want to kiss you
" (verbal tone was solid, but my fundamentals are still shit), she tells me she has a hard rule about not kissing on the first date. I don't let it affect my mood, she leaves at midnight (total time spent, 3.5 hours). Text her as I'm driving back, "Hey Kristine, had a great time with you tonight , lookin forward to Saturday!", no response (we'd made plans again before she left for Dinner on Saturday).
Date Two: After hearing no response from date one, I resolve not to let it fuck up date two with the second girl. Especially since this girl seems to be super high interest, tons of smiley faces; fast texts back, the works! Also when she lost her phone, she put in the effort to reactivate her profile (which she'd deleted after we started talking), and messaged me that we were still on for our date! Annnnyway, we meet up and because she works at Starbucks she actually ends up paying for both of our coffees (to use her discount). I say "thank you" and we go up to the second level of the starbucks n start talking. Again, I talked WAAAAAY too much about myself (though again got a lot out of her too), my vibe was also rather serious, like the first date. She also was asking a lot of questions (probably a mistake to let her control the frame like that yes?) Anyway about 30 minutes in, we've been kind of holding hands/touching each other (in a romantic but not really sexual way), so I pull her close and kiss her (Which she says was really masculine and attractive). We talk for another 20-30 minutes and I try to move her to a bar/venue just down the street to play pool, she says unfortunately because it was an online date and the first one she's been on so far, her female friend drove her there and is now walking around the mall. I say that's too bad because I wanted to spend more time with her, we agree to go to dinner the next night. After a final make out session (in public lol right there on the 2nd floor of starbucks), she takes off, no follow up text since she doesn't have her phone, but later that night she reactivates her account on okcupid AGAIN, to send me her address for the next night.
Date Three: Message her on Okcupid that I'm on my way, as I'm driving there get a text from her saying "Found my phone, see you when you get here", when I pick her up she asks me to pay for dinner since she doesn't get paid till the next week, I say no biggie since she paid for our first date. Again I screwed up big time by not really controlling any sort of frame, talking waaaay too much about myself etc. There's no touching on the date this time since she's sitting across from me, but after the date we walk outside and I pull her close and start making out with her and grab her ass. We go to my car and pull around the corner into a deserted parking lot, after making out a bit I tell her to get in the back with me and she says "we're not having sex!", I say "we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with". We start hooking up in the backseat, getting some clothes off, she won't let me go for the pussy, after taking two steps forward one step back for 10-15 minutes I finally start getting close but she keeps putting up LMR, thing is.... I know I could have had it if I'd tried harder. I really could have, she even said "I'm glad that you didn't push farther, I really wanted to have sex!" (when we were driving home of course). Thing is I completely ruined any sort of attraction she had to me by coming off needy, say I wanted to date her etc. I just sounded like a pussy the entire time tbh as I also talked about my insecurities. Needless to say even though we made another date for Monday she blew me off by saying her kid was sick (he actually was though cuz I saw him when I dropped her off), couple days later she texts me and says "she's not ready for a relationship or anything more than friends" calls me a sweetheart etc. says it was so nice getting to know me -_-. Whatever though it's my fucking fault...
Anyway some after thoughts, both girls had low counts (were conservative), girl one had been with like 3 guys and had lost her virginity at 18 (she's 23 now), girl two had lost her virginity at 18 as well and is now 21. These honestly should have been easy pulls, even if I'd had to date compress/boyfriend zoned whatever. I'm having mindset issues where I'm literally shooting myself in the fucking foot. I have really bad social anxiety/genetic anxiety/depression which probably contributes to why I can't hold an even temper and playful mood (which I understand is going to help quite a bit, since when I keep that mindset I get laid easy). Also for some god forsaken reason I've been talking about the difference between nice guys and bad boys on dates (I think the longstanding upbringing of thinking the nice guy should win still bugs me somewhere deep inside, though I know it shouldn't). Going to try phenibut to help with it, since I'm already using massive exposure therapy with women to train myself to get over the anxiety. It's really only with girls that I get that massive anxiety, not with most social situations anymore since I've fought my way tooth and nail through it.
I really do hate posting this, it's bloody embarrassing haha, but I need the feedback. I have 5 dates this week, maybe more depending on the girls that I ran daygame at the mall on today, (double booked a couple days to test flaking on girls). Going to try and keep the correct mindset and frame, say less and listen more/build more emotional connection since it seems I'm not very good at that.
Would love some advice/feedback, thanks!
Date One: Seemed pretty low interest over text, flaked back on Tuesday last week. I was gonna NEXT her, since she flaked by just a short text message saying how tired she was; but then she sends me a paragraph about how bad she feels being a flake. I believe I rescheduled right there for Thursday (a mistake I think, according to the articles). Anyway we go out at about 8:30 PM on Thursday to a Dennys, I walk in and she's even more gorgeous than her pics (surprising for online dating). We order coffee/desert and talk for about an hour, I found out a lot about her but... I don't think I'm building the emotional connection/deep diving like I think I am. Also I think I'm talking FAAAAR too much about myself, and I think that might be my biggest issue right now. Anyway after coffee around 10:30 I say "let's go chill in my car for a bit so I can hit my vape", she says "ok", and we go in the car. We talk a bit more but she's sitting SUPER far away from me. We start talking about dates we've been on from the site, she asks me about the worst dates I've been on (changed the subject back to her on this because I couldn't remember lol); she tells me about a guy who picked her up at the craft store, then tried to hookup with her literally as soon as they got to the drive in and got mad when she didn't. A little later I try to do the weakest verbal pull I've ever done in my life, telling her to "come closer to me", she easily denys me and asks why. I say "Cuz I want to kiss you
" (verbal tone was solid, but my fundamentals are still shit), she tells me she has a hard rule about not kissing on the first date. I don't let it affect my mood, she leaves at midnight (total time spent, 3.5 hours). Text her as I'm driving back, "Hey Kristine, had a great time with you tonight , lookin forward to Saturday!", no response (we'd made plans again before she left for Dinner on Saturday). Date Two: After hearing no response from date one, I resolve not to let it fuck up date two with the second girl. Especially since this girl seems to be super high interest, tons of smiley faces; fast texts back, the works! Also when she lost her phone, she put in the effort to reactivate her profile (which she'd deleted after we started talking), and messaged me that we were still on for our date! Annnnyway, we meet up and because she works at Starbucks she actually ends up paying for both of our coffees (to use her discount). I say "thank you" and we go up to the second level of the starbucks n start talking. Again, I talked WAAAAAY too much about myself (though again got a lot out of her too), my vibe was also rather serious, like the first date. She also was asking a lot of questions (probably a mistake to let her control the frame like that yes?) Anyway about 30 minutes in, we've been kind of holding hands/touching each other (in a romantic but not really sexual way), so I pull her close and kiss her (Which she says was really masculine and attractive). We talk for another 20-30 minutes and I try to move her to a bar/venue just down the street to play pool, she says unfortunately because it was an online date and the first one she's been on so far, her female friend drove her there and is now walking around the mall. I say that's too bad because I wanted to spend more time with her, we agree to go to dinner the next night. After a final make out session (in public lol right there on the 2nd floor of starbucks), she takes off, no follow up text since she doesn't have her phone, but later that night she reactivates her account on okcupid AGAIN, to send me her address for the next night.
Date Three: Message her on Okcupid that I'm on my way, as I'm driving there get a text from her saying "Found my phone, see you when you get here
", when I pick her up she asks me to pay for dinner since she doesn't get paid till the next week, I say no biggie since she paid for our first date. Again I screwed up big time by not really controlling any sort of frame, talking waaaay too much about myself etc. There's no touching on the date this time since she's sitting across from me, but after the date we walk outside and I pull her close and start making out with her and grab her ass. We go to my car and pull around the corner into a deserted parking lot, after making out a bit I tell her to get in the back with me and she says "we're not having sex!", I say "we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with". We start hooking up in the backseat, getting some clothes off, she won't let me go for the pussy, after taking two steps forward one step back for 10-15 minutes I finally start getting close but she keeps putting up LMR, thing is.... I know I could have had it if I'd tried harder. I really could have, she even said "I'm glad that you didn't push farther, I really wanted to have sex!" (when we were driving home of course). Thing is I completely ruined any sort of attraction she had to me by coming off needy, say I wanted to date her etc. I just sounded like a pussy the entire time tbh as I also talked about my insecurities. Needless to say even though we made another date for Monday she blew me off by saying her kid was sick (he actually was though cuz I saw him when I dropped her off), couple days later she texts me and says "she's not ready for a relationship or anything more than friends" calls me a sweetheart etc. says it was so nice getting to know me -_-. Whatever though it's my fucking fault...Anyway some after thoughts, both girls had low counts (were conservative), girl one had been with like 3 guys and had lost her virginity at 18 (she's 23 now), girl two had lost her virginity at 18 as well and is now 21. These honestly should have been easy pulls, even if I'd had to date compress/boyfriend zoned whatever. I'm having mindset issues where I'm literally shooting myself in the fucking foot. I have really bad social anxiety/genetic anxiety/depression which probably contributes to why I can't hold an even temper and playful mood (which I understand is going to help quite a bit, since when I keep that mindset I get laid easy). Also for some god forsaken reason I've been talking about the difference between nice guys and bad boys on dates (I think the longstanding upbringing of thinking the nice guy should win still bugs me somewhere deep inside, though I know it shouldn't). Going to try phenibut to help with it
, since I'm already using massive exposure therapy with women to train myself to get over the anxiety. It's really only with girls that I get that massive anxiety, not with most social situations anymore since I've fought my way tooth and nail through it. I really do hate posting this, it's bloody embarrassing haha, but I need the feedback. I have 5 dates this week, maybe more depending on the girls that I ran daygame at the mall on today, (double booked a couple days to test flaking on girls). Going to try and keep the correct mindset and frame, say less and listen more/build more emotional connection since it seems I'm not very good at that.
Would love some advice/feedback, thanks!
