I went to fast, what would you recommend me to do?

[Xerud]

We all make mistakes and here's mine. Can you help me?

So the story was like I've met her in disco + I am 18 years old and she is same age... She seemed really normal and she acted cool, I've made eye contact with her and she smiled at me. After some time I saw her and asked her for dance and so on. Next day she added me on social media, we talked ... after some time I asked her for going out. Everything went well...

On first date we went to restaurant and ice skating haha, it was cool + there was first kiss, not only one... After that I feel in love, just don't know why I was just thinking about her. I was constantly (not really constantly), but I should wait some time after next SMS or call, example one day wait...

so I went out with her again and next time we went out was like on Valentine's day and I wanted to make her happy, that's why I purchased flowers. She was happy... and so on...

4 times - we went out, I think I know her for about 5 weeks. I know it's not allot...

on Sunday we were supposed to met in my town... but she cancelled it. I wasn't angry because it was really rainy day and yesterday she was partied. So I wrote her no problem I know how it is blah blah... than we'll pick another time to go out...

than I called her at the evening same day (Sunday) and we talked for like 40 mins... and somehow we had conversation about horoscopes... and she said you know we aren't supposed to be together ((she said you know we aren't supposed to be together, we are so different. also she said on Sunday... because you're moving to fast, but I want slowly.)) , we are so different. I didn't know what to tell, so I was like okay.. I don't know what to tell. She said we can talk later, I said when?She said: Tomorrow. I didn't make call next day, but on Tuesday.

So on monday I didn't call her, I called her yesterday, but I just asked her if she wants to go out... but I called her late and she said that she can't come, because she don't have transport (bus). She smilled on something too, but I don't remember why... When I called her I said like heii, ohw are you? She:I am okay. Me:So do you want to go out am in (town name) to go for a drink. She said I don't have transport and that's why I'll go to sleep. She smilled didn't even know why. I said okay bye

I know I've made mistake I was moving to fast. Is there a chance to fix this?

Thank you for your reply
Regards

 

[Smith]

Your problem is not going too fast. It's going too slow. You probably should have slept with her on the 2nd, 3rd or 4th dates. I know it probably feels like too fast if you're not experienced, but she will be a lot happier if you had slept with her earlier. Attraction has an expiry date. Make this one a learning experience.

Good luck!

 

[Xerud]

Wow I was going to slow? How could I slept with her if I came to her town and her home was like 50 mins away by bus.

 

[luego]

You *were* moving too fast - emotionally. Too slow - physically. She recognizes that you're falling for her, and it sounds like this hasn't gotten beyond some fairly chaste kissing.

 

[Drck]

The above answers are good but c'mon guys, give him a break. He did great, he got so far 4 dates with this girl, and he kissed her on a first date. Many times that doesn't happen even for experienced guys.

The first date was described, but there is missing info about the other dates. Were there physical contact? Kissing, touching? If not, that is the issue. Each time you go for a date try to push things forward - more kissing, more touching, more intimacy... Don't just talk and talk, especially if you already kissed her before...


She says: "because you are moving too fast, but I want slowly"
I would say: "Yes, slowly is good, slow is really good, let's slow down then".
If this is a phone conversation I would give it 2 minutes and then I would suggest going out again (be persistent since she's already went out with you 4 times).

If this was a face to face conversation, I would say "Yes, slowly is good, slow is really good, let's slow down then" >> I would give her 2 minutes break, and then do the exact opposite; Touch more and you kiss more till she pushes you away. Ok, another break, 3 minutes, some insignificant talk. Touch more and kiss more again...

She says: "you know we are't supposed to be together, we are so different" >> Exactly. In her mind, you aren't supposed to be together - but you are! Which is good. I would tease her little bit. "Yes, we are different, I agree with you. Boys and girls shouldn't be together, bad things could happen. Why don't we meet XYZ tomorrow at 6 instead?? I got this really cute thing/gift just for you, and I really want to give it to you in person". Duh! Many good things could be accomplished tomorrow at 6...

You: "then I called her the same day and we talked like for 40 minutes..." >> I wouldn't spent much time talking or sending texts to a girl who is not more intimate with you. You want to see her face to face, and then talk, and do other good stuff. If you tell her everything what she wants to know over the phone, her excitement from meeting you goes down. Once you know her little bit more and you are intimate, then it's fine to talk longer.

She said "we can talk later" >> I would say "Sure, I'll call you over the weekend (say today is Thursday)" or perhaps better: "I'll call you". Don't ASK her when, TELL her that you will call, let her wait for your call. Or simply say "OK", don't tell her that you will call her at all. Wait 3-4 days before you call, even longer, 5 days. Let her wonder why you are not calling the same day or second day in AM (every guy would and that is what she expects). Then you call, talk briefly - and you invite her for a date.

IMO she might still be interested (depending on what happened during the other dates), and if she is that is good. At this time I would definitely persist in getting another date with her, don't let her say no. Tell her you got something really nice for her, something you really want to give her in person (get her chocolate, flowers again, something small,...) just so she goes out with you again. Then wait for good vibes and get physical. Overwhelm her with being physical (of course be gentle), take her to some remot location where you can get closer, touch her everywhere you can till she pushes you away (she should be laughing while pushing you away, not upset). Short break, then repeat, make sure she has a good time. No drama, remain cool, ideally she will go home all excited...

Then give her a break 3 days, don't contact her again so she can think about it. Ideally she will call you second day and ask: "What was all that about? I thought we are taking it slowly". Answer something like: "sorry, I just couldn't resist but don't worry about it" You can add that you'll make sure it won't happen next time because you will be in better control. Just keep it light, nothing serious, you simple couldn't resist because she is very attracted... Then call again for another date, and next time you - of course - push another step further...

 

[Xerud]

The above answers are good but c'mon guys, give him a break. He did great, he got so far 4 dates with this girl, and he kissed her on a first date. Many times that doesn't happen even for experienced guys.

The master of girl's behaviour and thinking Thank you..