Identity crisis...

[Motiv]

This is my first post on the Girlschase boards, and the first thing I want to say is what a revolutionary mindset this site has given me. Chase's personal stories of getting better with women from such humble beginnings gave me the final push I needed to believe I can do this too and finally start making changes. As for my own beginnings, I come from a somewhat extreme predicament-- the last thirteen years, I have struggled to build myself into the ultimate "holy man" with a mentor who to this day has molded me into a classical music monk. The truth is, I owe my professional status and performance capability to his tireless effort and generous free time, and yet... he is the ultimate iron clad "white knight" ...the most conservative, asexual, and judgmental person you might ever meet.

In the past two months, I have started working out every day, upgrading my fashion with the help of a new friend, and reformed my shut-in life into going out alone nearly every night and joining three new social circles outside of my job. I'm proud to say my phone has over twenty new numbers, and I finally broke a fifteen year zero-dating streak, ending with some heavy car make-out sessions, and one girl finally in bed in my apartment (although I could not get past last-minute resistance after she was naked from the waist up). I probably owe my this budding success to living in a college town of about 200k city population (where I got my own degree). I make it a point to force myself to flirt with any girl who seems moderately open, and my social acumen, while still quite rough and raw, is steadily developing. The problem is: my mentor can clearly sense the changes in me... and he is utterly appalled. In his words, I am "destroying my personal identity," and a part of me thinks he is at least partially right. Every time I go out, I feel as though I am putting on a mask in order to conceal my "monk" persona, and I know people (especially women) around me can feel that. Several writers here have put heavy emphasis on being sincere and being yourself, but the problem in my case is that being myself means being asexual... what can one do when sincerity seems to run entirely counter to a seduction? The upside to this is that I have no problem letting go of girls, not chasing, and meeting new ones... the downside is that I have a hard time feeling legitimately attracted to anyone either. It's like being a machine on a mission: to rewrite years of asexual conditioning and fulfill my biological imperative. Being honest with myself is the toughest part right now. Does anyone else feel like they have to jump so far out of their own skin?

 

[Just_Dave]

Hello Violin,

Welcome:
First and foremost welcome to the boards! Since you're new you won't remember me leaving or know me at all haha.

Message:

In all seriousness about March of this year, I was going through some religious changes and I wanted to pursue my original dream of being a preacher/pastor. I ended up leaving GirlsChase, isolating myself around "holy" people and went on to live a moderately unexciting life. The more I looked into seminary the more I felt like I was doing enough to try and help people . . . it was more like looking down on people. I had that awakening in the summer. When school started back up for me in the fall, my dad always talked about his distaste for fraternities. However, I wanted to make my own decisions. I joined a fraternity that best fit me and had a great experience with them.

Now the thing is I came back to GirlsChase after writing to Chase himself telling him how much this website impacted my life. I told him how stupid and pain staking it can be trying to appease people. My fraternity was in a need of trying to get girls to come around, I had been practicing on my own so I had the skills to bring girls around and help my friends. There's nothing wrong with picking up girls and improving yourself because it's your life.

When people give advice they often have good intentions but for themselves. Life is a growing experience we're not meant to stay the same, we are to develop and create new things. You can't grow if you're not given room to grow. You can not also let people hold you back and keep you back from enjoying life. There are many more issues I can share with you, but ultimately it comes down to what do YOU want out of YOUR life. You can't be afraid to stand alone, and do things for yourself. Because in the back of your mind you'll only feel regret.

Again welcome,

Just Dave

 

[Motiv]

Greetings Dave,

Thank you for your reply and understanding. Now I'm a little curious… are you by chance the one who's post Chase wrote a fairly recent article on? I remember both of your points speaking to me. In fact, you just mentioned looking down on people, and that's EXACTLY the aspect of my mentor that bothers me the most… and something I have regretfully absorbed in spades. When I go out, I have to work hard to tell myself that these people around me are really human beings worthy of understanding. On the other hand, I also have a naive side that, when I pull my judgmental walls down, I end up a big vulnerable softy. That rigid judgmental shell was my only strength. I know there's a middle ground I have to find and cultivate.

In my case, I had grown up religious too, and it didn't help that my very first girlfriend and high school sweetheart was a super cute Fillipina who was a devote Catholic. She dug up my own religious guilt, and I never really recovered… until starting now. The monk idea worked in my 20's when I had no concept of growing old– life really is short. My mentor now describes me as his fallen angel… does that sound creepy? I think even considering myself to ever have been an angel in the first place is a sign of misplaced ego. When you are described as Lucifer on more than one occasion, it's both a terrifying thought and a dangerously egotistical one.

Right now, I would just like to learn how to be a better man with social suave and healthy sexual energy. It has been so much fun realizing that I am capable of attracting women up to certain points, and then getting to those critical moments where I realize I don't have a solution: experience the moment and learn for the next!

Jeremy

 

[Just_Dave]

No worries Violin,

I can't really say if Chase wrote an article on me or not as flattering as that thought would be! Anyway to stay on task...

One of the most powerful dating tools I've used to my advantage is being "vulnerable".
(special note not in a dramatic sense, but no afraid to pull back my layers to a special girl and slowly let her see what makes me tick. Also, speaking my mind on something that bothers me and not holding back. Ultimately accepting the fact that I am simply human hence my name "Just Dave", but that I have the power to relate to people on all levels. I am not better or less than you but we are all really one of the same.

It is a little disturbing to be called the devil by someone you hold so close, my father is a reverend to actually. However, when I told my parents I lost my virginity when I was 16, I'm 20 now, they weren't judgmental. Matter of fact, my dad told me about his life and how he wasn't perfect and what not. I still love my faith, I'm not perfect but everyday I seek to love and help people wherever I can. It's all about how open minded of a person you are, keep things in perspective. It's okay to disagree, but it's not okay to look down on people because they're different or hold different ideas. As humans we are very social creatures that's why we built cities, communities, and we hold outings. We just want to be close to each other.

And I understand wanting to grow and develop as a person, I'm not even 21 yet haha, but still there's so much of the world I would love. I enjoy meeting and talking to people and all of that jazz. I love when a woman feel attracted to me, and wants to spend time with me. It's a good feeling.