Socializing If You Want to Get REALLY Good at Socializing...

[Chase]

... meet LOTS of different people! And get to know them!

When you've only ever interacted with a certain subset of people, it's easy for you to end up out of your element, especially if someone from an "intimidating" social group or class (a biker, a jock, a model, a cheerleader, a bodybuilder an actress, a policeman, a soldier, etc.) wades into your group or approaches you. How do you shake this and stay in control? Exposure.

If you want to be killer at socializing, be smooth, be confident, and never doubt your abilities for a moment, you'll need to put yourself through the fire early on and get comfortable talking to people you find a little intimidating or disorienting. Once you get to know them, and what people like them like, don't like, care about, don't care about, how they react, and what their hopes and dreams and insecurities are, suddenly they become real people to you, and not intimidating "others."

And at that point, as soon as you run into others from their social group, you're instantly right at home, joking around with them about stuff they enjoy, telling stories they get a kick out of, and ribbing them over those groups of people you both think are kind of silly (e.g., talking with hardcore conservatives about those pansy thumb-sucking liberals, or talking with hardcore liberals about rigid those stick-up-their-asses conservatives).

Meeting and getting comfortable with legions of different people is how you get to the point where you're able to interact smoothly with everyone you meet. And at THAT point, suddenly women see YOU as the super dominant guy - and so do the other dominant guys ("Wow, I really like and respect that guy... and so do the guys who I don't agree with on ANYTHING! This guy clearly knows something I don't").

This makes it very easy to achieve your objectives socially, whether that's making strong new friendships or seducing that hard-to-get girl every other man there wants too.

Chase

 

[Anonymous]

Good advice man its takes advice like this to really open my eyes and get me understanding the game at all levels

 

[Rasta]

I'm down for meeting lots of different people. But my question is: What's the best place to meet such people?

I tend to excel when I'm out of my comfort zone. The problem is, I like to be comfortable and hate getting out of that comfort zone. So, I usually end hanging out with my same old friends (which are great), but this leads to meeting more of the same types of people. How do I expand my social circle to include a wide variety of individuals?

I guess my question is: what are you favorite places to meet people? Or do you just stop people in the street, since you have gotten so good at people skills.

 

[Franco]

Rasta,

I guess my question is: what are you favorite places to meet people? Or do you just stop people in the street, since you have gotten so good at people skills.

This is a simple question with a simple answer: go to places where people meet to socialize! Go to bars, clubs, parties, organized social events, the beach (if one is near you), etc.

There are plenty of places to meet new people for friendly interactions. Stopping people in the street just to socialize with no "clear intention" probably isn't the best idea... that's how women label guys as "creepers."

Just make sure to find a group of friends who are willing to go out and enjoy themselves in social environments. People will naturally enter your circle and opportunities will arise to meet them. Pay attention to their body language, their tone, their mannerisms -- all of that stuff will help you understand the "vibe" they have and will help you reflect that same vibe while still maintaining the person you are. People love when they meet a guy who just seems to "get" them. It will really spark up your value and portray you as a high caliber individual.

Just remember, exposure to people and being non-judgmental is the key. This will really get you far in every aspect of your life.

- Franco

 

[LA Gordon]

Another way to meet people is to be aware of and to attempt being friendly with the various servers and store/restaurant employees that you run into in the course of your day. While many people just place their order or get their items, blurt out a brief "Thanks", then walk away, just a simple question like "how's it going?" can be enough to start a brief conversation. If there are stores or cafes that you frequent, attempt to get to know the employees on a first name basis. There are a few things to keep in mind as you do this, however (all of these I've learned the hard way!)
1. Be socially aware of the environment. If the employees are very busy or there is a long line of people behind you waiting to be helped, that would not be the time to engage in a long conversation with them. (However, if you find yourself IN a long line, that's a good time to try chatting up someone ahead of or behind you in the line. There's nothing more boring than waiting in line UNLESS you're having a great conversation with the person next to you.
2. If the person you try to connect with doesn't seem to be interested in speaking with you, just drop it and move on. Keep in mind that they are under no obligation to interact with you just because you made the effort! This can be a little daunting at first for the less experienced, but it is necessary to build up your "Social Callouses" if you want the ability to meet new people.(When you first start playing guitar, you left-hand fingertips get quite sore from pressing down on the strings. After a time, the skin adapts by building up callouses on your fingertips so that pressing the strings down becomes painless. This is what must happen to your ego!) Also, if you've concentrated on your fundamentals as Chase has outlined in his materials, any rejection you experience will probably not be because of you not being "inferior" to them in some way, but due to many other possible factors, none of them being within your control. Some reasons may include: the person is having a bad day, is running late for work or an appointment, has emotional issues, or, is actually slightly intimidated by your social poise.
3. Since I live in Los Angeles, I must include a special section here for those brave souls that attempt to be social to strangers in "The City of Angels". LA, on account of it being a hub for the entertainment industry, has particular challenges you should be aware of. (Some of this may also apply to New York, Chicago, etc., but I have no experience with those cities.)
a. Many people in the service industry here are aspiring actors, musicians and writers. Not only do they face rejection in auditions on a daily basis, but are surrounded by people VERY successful at what THEY want to do. This sometimes causes them to get very jealous of others, and will often vent their frustrations on the poor schmuck they are serving that tries to be friendly with them. It's important to not take this personally. (Most of the "bigger name" Hollywood people I've met have been very nice, and no, I won't drop names because that's tacky (George Clooney told me that!)
b. Another thing to be on the lookout for are "cliques" and/or individuals who think they socially "own" certain establishments or communities. You have probably seen suggestions like "the way to make friends is to frequent establishments so you get to know the other "regulars" there". This usually can work, but sometimes in LA you will find establishments whose regular customers become a "clique", and are very threatened by a new socially savvy guy coming in and "stealing their thunder"! (And no- I'm not talking about the "High End" night club scene run by promoters or the places like the Beverly Hills Hotel. I'm talking about "coffee shops" like Starbucks and The Coffee Bean, as well as privately-owned cafes in certain areas of the city!) This is a game you can't win, unless you're willing to kowtow to the "clique" and be treated like a second-class citizen, which I don't recommend. What I do is either avoid those places altogether, or just ignore the clique and the "'tude" you will get from the staff (since the "clique" is friends with the staff!) and just meet the random customers that seem friendly and open. Don't get me wrong- there are plenty of great places to socialize in LA. It's just something to be aware of in case you run into it.

So, if you want to meet new people without taking classes or joining social groups (which are great ideas!) try befriending your favorite service person. Great service and great conversation are a good combo. I'd love to read any comments you may have on this topic, especially if you're a fellow LA person!

 

[LA Gordon]

People Prefer Paragraphs

Sorry about the lack of formatting in my previous post!

My first post on this board suggested people FFF, Fire their Flakey Friends. This post should be titled PPP- People Prefer Paragraphs!

 

[Franco]

LAGordon,

Your wish has been granted. Your last post has been re-titled: "People Prefer Paragraphs."



- Franco

 

[Rasta]

Really good stuff in here. Thanks for the tips!

Stopping people in the street just to socialize with no "clear intention" probably isn't the best idea

This is something I really need to improve on. Having CLEAR INTENTIONS. Half the time when I'm talking to someone I don't have any mission or plan. It's almost like I'm trying to get everything at once. Doesn't work that way.

People love when they meet a guy who just seems to "get" them

Are you saying the way to make it seem I "get" people is by matching the vibe while maintaining the person I am? I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this concept.

1. Improve your lifestyle
Do your dream, something interesting and go out to accomplish it.

This is a really powerful statement. Up until now, I almost tried to separate my social life and my personal life, or going after my dream, for some odd reason. This is extremely stupid now that I think about it.

Thank you for helping me understand this. I think it will change my life.

2. Go out alone.

Again, thank you. I always thought going out with other people would improve my chances. Now I see why it can actually be a bad thing.

 

[AsianPersuasion]

If you're stuck in an incredibly average suburb and meeting people on the street is your only option, how do you pull that off?

 

[trashKENNUT]

BUMP!

 

[Tim Iron]

I am in the same situation... are you asking about meeting ladies only of meeting both guys and ladies?

For meeting ladies, just keep improve on your fundamentals and do the indirect direct approach {ask for directions and then ask her if she lives around and start chatting with her}...

If you're stuck in an incredibly average suburb and meeting people on the street is your only option, how do you pull that off?