"I'm not into casual sex, so....."

[Lotus]

Arranging a hangout via text. I have hungout with this girl once. Today's conversation is as follows:

Me: Hey, how did the bachelor go? Bet he doesn't even match up to me
Her: haha it was great, not so sure about that though
Me: haha good to hear, are you still free for tomorrow night?
Her: yea I'm free. But just to be upfront I'm not into casual sex so if that's what you are looking for I should probably not come over.

History: met up for drinks last week. She came back to my place for 5 minutes. We made out. She said she had to go.

I think this is just a shit test to which I would respond something like: "I never said anything about that, get your head out of the gutter you dirty girl"

But the way at which she said it makes me hesitate before I respond. Looking for some quick help.

 

[Lotus]

Disregard

 

[Estate]

I'd be interested to know what happened?

Occasionally you have a women in a position where she just wants to ride your brains out and asking her straight to your place is fine.
If you've had a date with her and you're setting up a 2nd, asking her flat out to meet at your place does set that tone... maybe it's token resistance but it might be better to actually ask her somewhere "outside" but near your place, control the logistics and bring her back.

 

[Lotus]

rest of the interaction went:

Me: woah. where did that come from? get your mind out of the gutter!
Her:haha, my intuition
Her: and from your non-response. I took that as my answer
Me: Sounds like your decision was made beforehand. You know you could have counteroffered going someplace else.
Her: I thought about that but I decided it was best to not waste any more of our time

Apparently, my response timetable didn't match what she was expecting. The text frame I set was really slow, so I don't think it mattered unless responded " OMG I'm so sorry I did not mean to come off like that. I don't have sex with girls until the 5th date"

If you've had a date with her and you're setting up a 2nd, asking her flat out to meet at your place does set that tone... maybe it's token resistance but it might be better to actually ask her somewhere "outside" but near your place, control the logistics and bring her back.

Agreed. I just finished Chase's book and he mentioned his ideal date involves having the girl meet you at your place and then walk to go get food/booze. Then come back and cook. With the goal of getting her comfortable coming to and from your place as early as possible. I wanted to give it a try.

 

[Estate]

Sure, but set it up as such, not just "come to my apartment".

Like for me... I live 2 minute walk from my subway stop. I'd generally suggest meeting "near" my place.
i.e. she's likely to get the subway to my stop, and then I'll let her know where my apartment is so we can meet either at the building or I'll swing down to the corner and meet her.
You *could* have an excuse like "oh, I forgot my wallet, come up for a second" but she's more likely to come all the way over if the real date plan is to try the awesome sushi place I told her about or to hit the cool hipster coffee shop or whatever, who cares.... take her for a coffee, bite to eat and it's easy to transition the date back to your apartment.

Setting the date plan as "come to my place" without setting it up better really depends on her investment in you.
If she's basically ready to drop her panties for you, sure tell her come to your place.

However, from the text interaction, if feels like you were trying to Chase Frame her without really having won her over yet. She didn't sound all that invested.
If she came to your place and bailed the first time, yet in still interested to see you... I think there's a slight "recovery" you need to make in that case.
She wasn't comfortable enough to stay at your apartment the last time so inviting her right back there sets the tone you just want to finish the deed. It sounds like she's not quite invested but still open to seeing you, so you should have taken her for that coffee, rebuilt the comfort a little and then the transition back to your place should be pretty smooth.

It's in the subtle details really. Guys like to skip the BS and cut to the chase. Sometimes you've got to go with the flow of whatever will make the girl most comfortable even if she ultimately will end up back at your place. Here you're asking her to come to your place for sex (between the lines). If she meets you for a coffee or something, she again likes your company and how you make her feel, then SHE will justifiably be the one who wants to sleep with YOU, therefore going to your place at that point is HER choice and not yours as it would have been if she just met you there.

Hope that sort of helps to clarify.
It's all a learning process, you're on the right track, just tweek it next time.

 

[Lotus]

Yea I need to remember coming to my place is a big step since I'm out of school. College days it was NBD, no one went out on dates though.

How do you normally transition back to your place? In the past month I'm shooting a little over 50% on getting her in the door the first time

When she agreed to come back the first time she had said only for 5 minutes because I have friends coming over before going out. I was inclined to believe it was true and did not make anything of it... Looks like I should have given it more thought.

I think I may have shown too much interest in the first date as well, and essentially came off like I was chasing her for sex.

Yea definitely making progress, it is pretty cool