FR++ I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

[JDB_40k]

At this point it is string of failure after failure - I don't know how much more I can take. Before I start I owe this community everything... I lost my virginity, went out with girls I only dreamed of and got confidence in myself- but now I am stuck.

I can get girls to go out with me, I can get them attracted to me, turn them on, pretty much passing compliance tests.

I've tried moving slow, moving fast and it isn't working! Two weeks ago I missed an escalation window with an amazing girl and that was a hard lesson that I will never fuck up again.

Tonight I am out with a great girl and it is on from the start. Conversation is flowing like water, the tension was quickly dialing up. I tell her to scoot closer and there is almost no space between us. (all within 20 minutes.) Things are priming up, I go for the pull and there is almost no resistance - a yes! We leave and banter for a bit as we walk to my apartment.

We get to my apartment and she offers token resistance but I play it cool and guide her to my door. As soon as I open the door she freaks out and starts blaming herself. She says she is ruining the night. I reassure her and say not at all. I respect her. I can start to see she is a bit scared (I got the impression of a bad prior experience.) As I am trying to reassure her, she keeps blaming herself and for whatever reason I ask if she has been hurt before. She says "a couple times" I look her in the eyes and say I would never do that. She says she would like to see me again as he is pulling on my clothes a bit. (I've been burned before so I cooly say convince me.) She grabs me and kisses me - very passionately. I tell her to call me later, I want to know she is ok.

For whatever reason I call her a couple hours later to check in - no answer. (probably a mistake) I feel like I was conned by her.


I fear I just have blind spots that I can't overcome. Fast or slow I just keep fucking up and now it is starting to hurt.

I was raised to be a kind person. I fully embrace moving fast but I feel I've hit a wall. I've got a few girls coming up, but I fear it is only going to lead to more of the same.

If someone can help - PLEASE DO!

 

[Bboy100]

Re: GU - I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

Failed Escalation. Basically, if you do anything more than a light kiss with a girl, and you don't close that night, don't expect to see her again. Pulling her back to yours counts too. Avoiding this is even more critical than moving fast. I'd rather not kiss a girl at all on a date. Or get a "no" to an invitation home then to get a "yes" or start making out with her, then not close.

As for giving up...sounds like you're making progress dude. Keep it up. Ok, maybe you're not getting the results you want yet. But ask yourself the following questions:
Are girls becoming attracted to you faster?
Are you able to move things forward more quickly (not necessarily to sex...just in general)
Are you getting a higher hit rate on your approaches?
...and so fourth.

If the answer to these questions are yes's, then don't worry about these "failures". Not getting laid is not a failure. Even the top guys on the boards don't get laid on EVERY SINGLE DATE. Imo, A failure is repeating the same mistake over and over again and not learning from it. Keep grinding dude. You've come too far to stop now.

Check this out: https://www.girlschase.com/content/meaning-grit

 

[JDB_40k]

Re: GU - I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

I appreciate the feedback. I feel better today. Easier to recover these days - still hurts a bit when you have a girl you like and you can see it reciprocated and it doesn't work out.

So she responded today - amazingly with this.

"I was hoping I would feel better about what happened last night and I just don't. I'm not sure if and when I will. I was just super uncomfortable that after 20 minutes of talking you tried to take me home - for whatever reason. It was a very uneasy feeling that I'm not sure if I'll be able to get over. I'm sure you meant no harm by it but it just didn't sit right with me. If that feeling changes I'll let you know for sure though."

Ok, so I havent responded. I'm also not so invested that I would chase. I like the girl, I am attracted to her and would like to continue getting to know her.

IS there a way to turn this around - how should I respond (if at all?) And what would be my approach, should a second date occur?

~Joe

 

[Mr.Rob]

Re: GU - I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

Don't listen to women's words listen to their actions.

She says she's weird/scared about being over at your place and needs some time.

She then kisses you passionately... (Action=she wants you)

Don't let her go, keep her there, blow past her petty objections, and get her in bed like she wants you to.

Also regarding the "giving up seduction" thing. How long have you actively been trying to get better with women?

 

[Mr.Rob]

Re: GU - I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

I feel like I was conned by her.

I don't understand this.

Why do you feel conned by her?

Also re-reading your report it seems like she was quite attracted to you when you brought her over to your house. She was putting up resistance at your house so she doesn't feel like a slut. She still wanted you but she had to put it up so she didn't appear like a whore.

You have to be able to see through that shit and keep escalating. Don't "Respect her".

If you want to respect her give her what she really wants.

A dominant man that is going to blow past her petty resistance, make her submit, and give her orgasmic sex. Not reassurance and consoling that everything going to be alright and a follow up call to make sure she's okay.

This is an issue with socially conditioned views on women and sexuality so don't beat yourself up about it. Women say one thing but MEAN another.

Part of your journey in seduction is learning to read women's actions and disregarding what they say.

Good luck.

Ask questions if you have any.

-Rob

 

[JDB_40k]

Re: GU - I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

Don't listen to women's words listen to their actions.

Don't let her go, keep her there, blow past her petty objections, and get her in bed like she wants you to.

Also regarding the "giving up seduction" thing. How long have you actively been trying to get better with women?

I did, I played it cool and guided her up to the door, she resisted lightly, but once she got to the door to my apartment she planted firm. I remained calm "we are just going to grab a drink, hang out for fifteen minutes, listen to some music and continue getting to know each other. " But she started to pull away, said "she was making things weird and said I don't even know if I can trust you yet." None of it phased me, I tried to guide her in for ten minutes but she threw out a hard No. -- that's where I let it go.

I'm very aware of the anti-slut defense and see through it. I intended to give her a mindblowing night (several in fact)

coming up on two years - ignore my venting - I was frustrated last night.

 

[JDB_40k]

Re: GU - I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

If you want to respect her give her what she really wants.

A dominant man that is going to blow past her petty resistance, make her submit, and give her orgasmic sex. Not reassurance and consoling that everything going to be alright and a follow up call to make sure she's okay.

Ask questions if you have any.

-Rob

Again, I ignored the petty resistance. It was the hard no and the fact that she started to look scared that got me.

I know very well she wanted me, which is why I came to the board last night. I was pissed. I dealt with the petty resistance but I get I don't know enough about how to deal with the hard objections. I tried the panopoly of reasons. I tried to physically guide her into my place but she stood firm.

I know I need some more help with dealing with objections. I ignore most resistance and continue to escalate.


"I was hoping I would feel better about what happened last night and I just don't. I'm not sure if and when I will. I was just super uncomfortable that after 20 minutes of talking you tried to take me home - for whatever reason. It was a very uneasy feeling that I'm not sure if I'll be able to get over. I'm sure you meant no harm by it but it just didn't sit right with me. If that feeling changes I'll let you know for sure though."

This aside - based on her text response today, is there a way I can turn this around? (again I see she left the door open a bit and all the 'I can't or don't know if I can get over it' is nonsense. She's an adult. Is there a smooth and dominant way to respond?)

Maybe something like -- Hey, that's cool. When you are free let's grab a cup of coffee or go for a walk and talk about how cool it is to see someone walk into building you design (she's an architect and it was something I remember he placing emotion on) It would be unfortunate to not meet again.

Or would it be better to force a decision -- "Look, I like you and enjoy talking to you. Especially XYZ (something she valued) Meet me for a cup of coffee and we can continue getting to know each other. Are you going to let me go - possibly forever, or are you going to join me?"

 

[Mr.Rob]

Re: GU - I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

I was hoping I would feel better about what happened last night and I just don't. I'm not sure if and when I will. I was just super uncomfortable that after 20 minutes of talking you tried to take me home - for whatever reason. It was a very uneasy feeling that I'm not sure if I'll be able to get over. I'm sure you meant no harm by it but it just didn't sit right with me. If that feeling changes I'll let you know for sure though."

Did you get weird or experience a change in vibe when you got to your house? Sounds like she had enough comfort built for you to take her to her place but she experienced a different thought upon entering your place (unless you didn't tell her where you were taking her).

Another thing I would add is that a little push could help you get her in.

Drexel Scott talks about not rewarding resistance and instead give a push when she gives up resistance to make her chase.

For example you get home and she puts up resistance you could say "you know what if you're going to make a big deal out of it maybe I should walk you back to the bar".

If she's just putting up resistance but REALLY wants you she'll succumb but if she's not that interested she'll leave in which case you probably weren't going to get far anyway.

That's something I have to remind myself of too which is cool to have you remind me of it.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Re: GU - I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

Again, I ignored the petty resistance. It was the hard no and the fact that she started to look scared that got me.

This is where you have to stop. When they look scared or are really getting angry then you are pushing past the limit and can get yourself in real trouble. You made a wise choice.

BDSC

 

[ray_zorse]

Re: GU - I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

I had a girl run away, long story but received some text pretty similar to what you described. I've reconnected with her several times since then (the last time we met by chance and I felt she brushed me off a bit, but then she texted me "Hi Ray, it was nice seeing you. would you like to hangout some time?" and we ended up going for a meal together), she is obviously still keen but the dynamic has totally changed, I was in firmly the lover category (pulled her home on the first date and made out with her), now she wants to be courted. And frankly I know I could still get her, but I'm not attracted enough, I would only consider her as fuckbuddy so I feel it's unfair to give her the wrong idea. That's where you're at here, she is still keen and mentally investing and texting you, but it's decision time as to what you're willing to invest in return.
Ray

 

[JDB_40k]

Re: GU - I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

I had a girl run away, long story but received some text pretty similar to what you described. I've reconnected with her several times since then (the last time we met by chance and I felt she brushed me off a bit, but then she texted me "Hi Ray, it was nice seeing you. would you like to hangout some time?" and we ended up going for a meal together), she is obviously still keen but the dynamic has totally changed, I was in firmly the lover category (pulled her home on the first date and made out with her), now she wants to be courted. And frankly I know I could still get her, but I'm not attracted enough, I would only consider her as fuckbuddy so I feel it's unfair to give her the wrong idea. That's where you're at here, she is still keen and mentally investing and texting you, but it's decision time as to what you're willing to invest in return.
Ray

That was the impression I got when she freaked. she was chasing from the start and the signs were immediate. I think she freaked because she thought I wasnt interested in a relationship. -- I was and still am.

I suppose I can call her in time and get her back -- I hope.

Can I still move fast or do I have to switch tactics?

 

[ray_zorse]

Re: GU - I'm on the brink of giving up permanently

In that case read this article. But don't get your hopes up. Your best chance to close the deal was on the first date. Now it's in damage control. So go ahead and meet her but accept that likely it won't result in anything (even if she likes you, it doesn't necessarily mean you're triggering the raw, primal emotions necessary for her to have sex with you). My own advice here (not sure if it's good advice) is be a bit brutal. Either invite her for easy date (i.e. at your home), or take her to something simple and PULL after one drink. Likely she won't accept -- in that case NEXT her as a timewaster. Just my 2c
Ray