i'm really an asshole when i 'm not high

[lao che]

i think about this a lot, esp. when i'm high, of course. it's like this - high me and sober me both like high me, sober me doesn't like himself very much, but he's a righteous dude, and high me doesn't like sober me at all.
so whenever i get high i think about all the asshole shit i did or said during the day and end up realizing what an asshole i am, and then wanting to make it right, apologize, and not be like that anymore. i really want the high me to be the actual me, he's the guy i want to be, but i can't get there, i just realize afterwards, always too late

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGbP_kTM4CA

I've been told that I'm amazing, make sure keep that fire blazin', we livin'

I need smoke
I need to smoke
Who gon' hold me down now
I wanna get high y'all
I wanna get high y'all
Need it need it to get by y'all
Can you get me high y'all?

My best advice is to start melding the two personalities. My game is god-like when I'm blacked out drunk, so I quit drinking to see if I could get to that level sober. I'm quite close now. I still smoke a lot, but the high usually dies by 12am, so half the night is sober (and I go out sober 75% of the time anyways).

If your high self dislikes the righteousness of your sober self, then start cutting down your empathy levels when sober (https://www.girlschase.com/content/genui ... rogant-man). But be warned, and I know this from having a best friend who has low-empathy - your pickup will be godlike with low empathy, but your relationship game will suck dick.


- Anatman

 

[lao che]

Thanks for replying. I hesitated to post it and almost deleted it, because I thought it made me look like a basket-case.


I do try to meld the two personalities. I write notes for myself and record my thoughts for me to mull over the next day.
I suppose The difference is probably more pronounced, more extreme, in my mind than in actuality but in fact I feel much more empathy when high, and high-me thinks sober-me is a short tempered, SELF righteous, low empathy douche.
That's the one thing I don't get from your reply - i should attempt to have less empathy when sober?

Thanks