- Joined
- May 28, 2021
- Messages
- 64
General Context: I'm currently in Toronto for a few weeks just visiting and eventually want to get into using material from Gunwitch's SMMA course. Right now, I'm conquering my approach anxiety by doing simple, direct openers and then some deep diving and number closing. From a chronological standpoint, the date with this girl took place less than 2 days after I met her. This was my first date in a while as I recently started day-gaming so I was a little nervous and rusty.
The Approach: The exact approach details are logged in my journal (let's call this girl HBPikachu ) but basically was out walking with my wing and saw her coming towards me on the sidewalk listening to her music. Stopped her and told her I thought she looked cute and had to say hi. She was in a rush to go meet her friend but I did a bit of small talk and asked her to tell me something interesting about her. She mentioned her friends call her Pikachu since she was obsessed with collecting Pikachu backpacks, phone covers, etc.
Number close where she takes my phone number down in her notes app. I figure she's never texting me again but actually does that night and was very responsive to the point we had a date set up in under an hour of texting. I approached her on Friday evening and we set up a date this afternoon (Sunday) - unfortunately couldn't be at night because she was leaving town the next day and had to be home early.
The Date:
I'm traveling, so I don't have my best clothes with me. Anyhow, I made do. I had on my favorite pair of blue jeans, my trusty Nike Killshot sneakers, and a collared, striped shirt. Fashion is one area I'm still working on, but I thought I did okay here. My plan was to meet her near a bookstore (she suggested it) and then we'd go to a nearby Starbucks and sit for a while and then I'd move to a nearby park with benches.
Things kind of went haywire since she said she was going to be a bit late and then also got lost. I had to go find her and then also navigate us back to the Starbucks while making conversation. She showed up in a tight, bright blue dress and sexy heels and I gave her a hug once I finally found her. I was going to try and be a bit playful about her getting lost, but she asked me a few questions and apologized for being lost so it seemed like the moment had passed.
I should have made the conversation a bit flirtier, but I was being way too logical and almost felt like we were both interviewing each other. I also didn't do a good job of remaining mysterious. Should have deflected her questions more and tried to retain a sense of mystery. Anyway, we finally make it to the starbucks and order our drinks. While we're waiting for our drinks, we talk about astrology and if we believe in the supernatural. Nothing too crazy, just sharing our favorite movies and etc. I made a conscious effort to touch her on the small of her back as we walked since I struggle a lot with introducing physical touch.
All the seating at the starbucks is full, so I have to navigate us to another park this time. It worked out well since we sat down on some benches right next to each other but unfortunately I didn't have ideas for any other places to move later during the date. She also had to be home by 6ish (we started around 4) and my logistics weren't good so impossible to have anything happen there. I just need more experience on dates in general so this was good practice.
I was thinking of playing the question game (take turns asking each other questions) but it ends up kind of happening naturally without me introducing it. This girl was awesome at being completely open about her thoughts and it was eye-opening for me in many ways. I'll just write the important parts of the conversations and where I think I missed escalation windows or didn't have a good reply.
Almost felt like she was gaming me at some points by being mysterious and introducing more sexual topics into the thread. Unfortunately I wasn't sure how to take advantage of this stuff.
For that conversation, it felt like she had all the frame control and I had no idea how to counter it. Later, when I asked her what her last name was, she said guess and I laughed her off that time and made her guess my last name instead and made some joke. I handled that better I think but the guessing where her ancestors were really got to me. Not sure how to regain the frame control there.
As a last ditch effort, I figured I'd try something related to SECT I read by Gunwitch.
For a lot of the date, we were sitting close to each other, but she often stared straight ahead and didn't give me a lot of eye contact, so I couldn't do a triangular gaze or even do strong eye contact until she looked away to move towards a kiss. Anyone have any suggestions on why this was the case?
Lastly, forgot exactly where this happens in the conversation but we get on the topic of relationships, and she mentions she has a friends with benefits who started off as her best friend. Also tells me a lot about how one of her close friends and her got in a huge fight over him and they don't talk much anymore. I didn't know how to respond with her openly telling me she had a friends with benefit (maybe I was friend-zoned by this point already?) Also mentioned that if everything worked out, she'd transfer from her university back to Toronto and they'd start a relationship.
Towards the end of the interaction, she all but basically said I was friendzoned.
Overall, a rough date where I messed up a lot of things with a girl who was clearly into me from the way she texted me after the approach, the way she asked me a lot of questions, and the way she introduced sexual topics. It was also eye-opening in that she said no guy had ever approached her like I did and she really loved it. Also cool that I was her first date ever and that she'll remember that approach. Even as a beginner, I can start to see the value cold approaching brings and excited to grow even more.
As a beginner, I think I did will considering the date got off to such a rough start. My logistics were also horrible since I can't bring anyone back, and she had to be home early since she was leaving town the next day. With all that in mind, this was some good practice for me to become better with dates.
Would love to hear some advice on how to reduce the nice guy vibe I give off and give off more of a sexual vibe. I have a tendency to laugh too much at things she says or my tonality goes upwards sometimes. Definitely a big area I need to work on and also reading where the conversation is heading and controlling it.
The Approach: The exact approach details are logged in my journal (let's call this girl HBPikachu ) but basically was out walking with my wing and saw her coming towards me on the sidewalk listening to her music. Stopped her and told her I thought she looked cute and had to say hi. She was in a rush to go meet her friend but I did a bit of small talk and asked her to tell me something interesting about her. She mentioned her friends call her Pikachu since she was obsessed with collecting Pikachu backpacks, phone covers, etc.
Number close where she takes my phone number down in her notes app. I figure she's never texting me again but actually does that night and was very responsive to the point we had a date set up in under an hour of texting. I approached her on Friday evening and we set up a date this afternoon (Sunday) - unfortunately couldn't be at night because she was leaving town the next day and had to be home early.
The Date:
I'm traveling, so I don't have my best clothes with me. Anyhow, I made do. I had on my favorite pair of blue jeans, my trusty Nike Killshot sneakers, and a collared, striped shirt. Fashion is one area I'm still working on, but I thought I did okay here. My plan was to meet her near a bookstore (she suggested it) and then we'd go to a nearby Starbucks and sit for a while and then I'd move to a nearby park with benches.
Things kind of went haywire since she said she was going to be a bit late and then also got lost. I had to go find her and then also navigate us back to the Starbucks while making conversation. She showed up in a tight, bright blue dress and sexy heels and I gave her a hug once I finally found her. I was going to try and be a bit playful about her getting lost, but she asked me a few questions and apologized for being lost so it seemed like the moment had passed.
Me: You really made me work to meet you huh
Her: I'm sorry, I'm so bad with navigation
Me: it's okay haha
Her: I'm really thirsty and hungry
Me: Let's go find a starbucks
Her: I'm going to leave the navigation to you (this was a common theme all evening)
Me: Okay lets go *as I try to figure out where the starbucks is*
I actually get us lost by taking us to a starbucks inside a university that's closed haha, so now we have to walk even more to another one. During this time, we just talked about what I plan to do visiting Toronto, our hobbies and interests, her going off to college, what we want to study / do as jobs, and all of that general stuff.
Her: I'm sorry, I'm so bad with navigation
Me: it's okay haha
Her: I'm really thirsty and hungry
Me: Let's go find a starbucks
Her: I'm going to leave the navigation to you (this was a common theme all evening)
Me: Okay lets go *as I try to figure out where the starbucks is*
I actually get us lost by taking us to a starbucks inside a university that's closed haha, so now we have to walk even more to another one. During this time, we just talked about what I plan to do visiting Toronto, our hobbies and interests, her going off to college, what we want to study / do as jobs, and all of that general stuff.
I should have made the conversation a bit flirtier, but I was being way too logical and almost felt like we were both interviewing each other. I also didn't do a good job of remaining mysterious. Should have deflected her questions more and tried to retain a sense of mystery. Anyway, we finally make it to the starbucks and order our drinks. While we're waiting for our drinks, we talk about astrology and if we believe in the supernatural. Nothing too crazy, just sharing our favorite movies and etc. I made a conscious effort to touch her on the small of her back as we walked since I struggle a lot with introducing physical touch.
All the seating at the starbucks is full, so I have to navigate us to another park this time. It worked out well since we sat down on some benches right next to each other but unfortunately I didn't have ideas for any other places to move later during the date. She also had to be home by 6ish (we started around 4) and my logistics weren't good so impossible to have anything happen there. I just need more experience on dates in general so this was good practice.
I was thinking of playing the question game (take turns asking each other questions) but it ends up kind of happening naturally without me introducing it. This girl was awesome at being completely open about her thoughts and it was eye-opening for me in many ways. I'll just write the important parts of the conversations and where I think I missed escalation windows or didn't have a good reply.
Her: So I want to know more about you, tell me like what are your interests and plans for Toronto (she said "I want to know more about you" multiple times so I'm not establishing enough familiarity maybe but also a sign of interest from her)
Me: Talk about how I enjoy playing tennis and guitar (we bonded a bit on this since she plays too). Turn the question back on her
Her: Tells me a bit about herself
Her: So I want to know more. Have you had any relationships before? There's absolutely nothing going on for me in that area (I was struggling on the timing of when to introduce this type of question but she does it herself)
Me: Yeah I've had a few girlfriends before but nothing long-term (trying to qualify myself as a lover). You?
*Find out this is her first date EVER although she has a friends with benefits relationship going on*
Me: Talk about how I enjoy playing tennis and guitar (we bonded a bit on this since she plays too). Turn the question back on her
Her: Tells me a bit about herself
Her: So I want to know more. Have you had any relationships before? There's absolutely nothing going on for me in that area (I was struggling on the timing of when to introduce this type of question but she does it herself)
Me: Yeah I've had a few girlfriends before but nothing long-term (trying to qualify myself as a lover). You?
*Find out this is her first date EVER although she has a friends with benefits relationship going on*
Almost felt like she was gaming me at some points by being mysterious and introducing more sexual topics into the thread. Unfortunately I wasn't sure how to take advantage of this stuff.
Her: What's your type?
Me: Umm, don't necessarily have a type based on looks but more about the girl having a personality of being adventurous and open-minded (not sure if this was a good answer here??)
*Eventually got onto the topic of her ethnicity*
Me: So I'm curious, what's your ethnicity or background?
Her: you have to guess
Me: Okay, I'll say something from Latin America
Her: Nope, i'll give you three guesses total but that's it
Me: Hmm, okay I think maybe middle eastern
Her: Nope, one more.
Me: You gotta give me a hint at least
Her: Okay, hmm how do I not spoil this. It's somewhere in central Asia
Me: Hmm, I have no idea. Maybe kazakhstan?
Her: Nope, guess it'll remain a mystery then
Me: Umm, don't necessarily have a type based on looks but more about the girl having a personality of being adventurous and open-minded (not sure if this was a good answer here??)
*Eventually got onto the topic of her ethnicity*
Me: So I'm curious, what's your ethnicity or background?
Her: you have to guess
Me: Okay, I'll say something from Latin America
Her: Nope, i'll give you three guesses total but that's it
Me: Hmm, okay I think maybe middle eastern
Her: Nope, one more.
Me: You gotta give me a hint at least
Her: Okay, hmm how do I not spoil this. It's somewhere in central Asia
Me: Hmm, I have no idea. Maybe kazakhstan?
Her: Nope, guess it'll remain a mystery then
For that conversation, it felt like she had all the frame control and I had no idea how to counter it. Later, when I asked her what her last name was, she said guess and I laughed her off that time and made her guess my last name instead and made some joke. I handled that better I think but the guessing where her ancestors were really got to me. Not sure how to regain the frame control there.
Her: Do you have any tattoos anywhere?
Me: Nope. Do you?
Her: No, but I want to get one.
Me: What would you get and why?
Her: i would get something on my butt, maybe like a scribbled heart that symbolizes the way love isn't permanent
*I knew I needed to sexualize this somehow but was at a loss*
Me: Oh cool
Her: What would you get and why?
Me: Honestly have no idea because I don't have anything meaningful enough yet to make it permanent on my body. But I think I would get it near my neck (use this as an opportunity to touch her neck to show her)
Me: Nope. Do you?
Her: No, but I want to get one.
Me: What would you get and why?
Her: i would get something on my butt, maybe like a scribbled heart that symbolizes the way love isn't permanent
*I knew I needed to sexualize this somehow but was at a loss*
Me: Oh cool
Her: What would you get and why?
Me: Honestly have no idea because I don't have anything meaningful enough yet to make it permanent on my body. But I think I would get it near my neck (use this as an opportunity to touch her neck to show her)
As a last ditch effort, I figured I'd try something related to SECT I read by Gunwitch.
*I mention how girls are usually better at relationships/flirting because they grow up talking about them
Me: Just the other day, I was talking to my friend who said he never knew if a girl was into him or not. I told him it was pretty easy. Have you heard of method acting before?
Her: No, what's that?
Me: It's where you actually project the emotions internally and feel them instead of just acting. Do you think you'd make a good actor?
Her: I don't know haha
Me: Well, for example, let's say you were super attracted to me. *Joke that I know she already is* How would you look into my eyes?
Her: Turns away a bit and says no she can't do that
Me: Well, that's okay. Anyway projecting that is what it would look like if a girl was interested
Me: Just the other day, I was talking to my friend who said he never knew if a girl was into him or not. I told him it was pretty easy. Have you heard of method acting before?
Her: No, what's that?
Me: It's where you actually project the emotions internally and feel them instead of just acting. Do you think you'd make a good actor?
Her: I don't know haha
Me: Well, for example, let's say you were super attracted to me. *Joke that I know she already is* How would you look into my eyes?
Her: Turns away a bit and says no she can't do that
Me: Well, that's okay. Anyway projecting that is what it would look like if a girl was interested
For a lot of the date, we were sitting close to each other, but she often stared straight ahead and didn't give me a lot of eye contact, so I couldn't do a triangular gaze or even do strong eye contact until she looked away to move towards a kiss. Anyone have any suggestions on why this was the case?
Lastly, forgot exactly where this happens in the conversation but we get on the topic of relationships, and she mentions she has a friends with benefits who started off as her best friend. Also tells me a lot about how one of her close friends and her got in a huge fight over him and they don't talk much anymore. I didn't know how to respond with her openly telling me she had a friends with benefit (maybe I was friend-zoned by this point already?) Also mentioned that if everything worked out, she'd transfer from her university back to Toronto and they'd start a relationship.
Towards the end of the interaction, she all but basically said I was friendzoned.
Her: You know just letting you know, I usually friendzone a lot of people. I kind of know if I feel something and if it's not there, I usually friendzone them.
Me; Okay (didn't know what to say here...)
Her: I had a great time meeting you and thanks again for asking me out. You were very friendly and I had a good time.
Me; Okay (didn't know what to say here...)
Her: I had a great time meeting you and thanks again for asking me out. You were very friendly and I had a good time.
Overall, a rough date where I messed up a lot of things with a girl who was clearly into me from the way she texted me after the approach, the way she asked me a lot of questions, and the way she introduced sexual topics. It was also eye-opening in that she said no guy had ever approached her like I did and she really loved it. Also cool that I was her first date ever and that she'll remember that approach. Even as a beginner, I can start to see the value cold approaching brings and excited to grow even more.
As a beginner, I think I did will considering the date got off to such a rough start. My logistics were also horrible since I can't bring anyone back, and she had to be home early since she was leaving town the next day. With all that in mind, this was some good practice for me to become better with dates.
Would love to hear some advice on how to reduce the nice guy vibe I give off and give off more of a sexual vibe. I have a tendency to laugh too much at things she says or my tonality goes upwards sometimes. Definitely a big area I need to work on and also reading where the conversation is heading and controlling it.
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