Incessant Texting

[Gonzaleth]

This is my first post here.

Recently I came across a dilemma about texting girls. It goes like this: one of my female colleague got to know this guy through work and she took a liking to him. This guy seems to be pretty interested in her as well, and he has been texting her very often. They will text when she gets into the office, during her lunch break, during her tea break, when she knocks off work and for several hours into the morning before they go to sleep. And the strange thing is... it seems to work! I don't see any expiration of attraction or she feeling that he is needy or sappy: she looks forward to him texting her! This has been going on for a month or so and they finally hook up with each other.

My female colleague is rather pretty too, which makes the whole thing seems puzzling.

And this made me re-examine some of the things i do: besides texting a girl to set up the logistics for a date, the girl hardly hears from me anymore until the date itself. Won't it come across as too detached or aloof when a guy does that? And I am falling back on the idea that I will completely blow the girl's mind on the date itself, but what if I don't? I am new so I am still trying to get my fundamentals down, but I definitely do slip up. Cant help but feels like I am putting all my stakes on one bet and hope I can win big.

Imagine this scenario: if i were to take an interest in this female colleague of mine, how well would I fare against this guy? I have a nagging feeling that I will get obliterated.

I have to admit some times I have a creeping feeling that incessant texting has its merits, that it keeps reinforcing/reminding the image of the guy in the girl's head. Like I mentioned earlier, I am new to this, so some times I am tempted to slip back to this texting thing, which seems to be how most other people go about doing it.

I really would like to hear what you guys think about this.

 

[Franco]

Gonzaleth, welcome to the boards!

There's probably more going on here than you're aware of. It's definitely more likely that this guy bedded her rather early upon meeting your female colleague, and she probably didn't want anyone to know, so she kept it under wraps until she felt like it would be socially "acceptable" to leak the fact that they've hooked up. A girl doesn't want any of her perimeter friends (and especially guy friends) to know how fast she's been bedded by a guy... especially if it was within days of meeting him. It will hurt her reputation, which, if you've been reading this website, you will know is the number one most important thing to a woman.

Under rare scenarios, she may just find this guy so attractive (whether that be physically, status-wise, intellectually, or all of the above) that she will do just about anything to have a chance to be with him. But this is also extremely rare; high quality women tend to not waste time with men who don't move things forward quickly. They are more intrigued by guys who are aloof, but aggressive, assertive, and confident when they are within reach. The way you portray yourself around a woman is how she sizes up your value -- if you're constantly contacting her before you've taken her to bed, then you must not have many other options. You come across as low value.

However, once you've bedded a girl (and presumably treated her well before and after the fact), you may contact her as much as you wish to. The only issue is that, if you're contacting her very frequently, you'll set the expectation that this is something you'll always do, so as soon as you try to scale that back, it can cause conflict and drama down the line. Your only choice is to keep contacting her at the same frequency as long as you're together. It's better to start things off sparingly and then escalate the amount of contact you make with her from there (according to how frequently you wish to be in contact with her in the long haul).

The best way to learn for yourself is to experiment. Contact lots of women frequently and see what results it gets you. Do they end up sleeping with you? Do you end up taking the ones you want to keep as girlfriends? Experience has taught me that it rarely happens, and "adjusting" my contact frequency to a lower amount has substantially raised my results.

I hope this gives you some insight. =)

- Franco

 

[Gonzaleth]

Thanks Franco! Your post makes me understand I have soooo much more to learn here.