Ingesting Too Much Self-Improvement and Dating Advice? End It Now

[Lover]

I have a bad habit of overanalyzing and theorizing a lot of material that I read. Let's call it Knowledge Overload (or KO - every martial artist's favorite abbreviation) for simplicity's sake. I don't know why I'm trapped in KO. Is it just a bad habit? Do I find it exciting with all this knowledge? Is it a way for me to waste time and procrastinate? Is it a false way for me to believe that I'll reduce the odds of failure if I study this stuff again and again? That, I don't know. But nonetheless, it's something I do, and I do it quite well.

Some of you might relate to this, and some of you might think "Urgh, just read some advice and try it out already!" But when you are stuck in KO, you don't "just read some advice and try it already". No no no. You study, and then you study more, and more, and more....... do I need to say more?

The former can probably recognize scenarios like these:

- You're reading an article on GC. By the time you've read it, the authors/editors have done a great job of linking to former articles or research. And until you're done with the new tabs you just opened in your browser, you're not leaving your current seat/bed/couch/whatever. This might as well be other seduction sites or Youtube-videos (TedTalks come to mind... And there are soooo many)

- In continuation, we could say you're reading a new article that links to articles you have already read before. What do you do? OF COURSE you read them all over again because of some excuse like "I need to be prepared in my mind to use it in future seductions, right?"

- You're dating a girl. And instead of just thinking "let's try something and see what happens", we look up some articles of problems we might run into. We weigh each option we have in a current situation and just wait for the moment to happen (if it does.....)

There are probably a lot more examples. These are just the ones that come to mind now. Let me know if you have other examples to share - maybe we can all help each other stop overeating all this wonderful knowledge.

All this KO can probably be fruitful in some interaction, but recently I've realized that I have probably been more disconnected from my previous interactions with people because I thought "what would be best for the next move?" and think about a lot of the stuff I've read before.

I don't know about you, but I've had enough. I can feel that for once I've reached my limit and want to do something practical instead. This rarely happens for me. I won't lie: I've always done what I felt comfortable changing about myself - like fundamentals. But cold approaching and accepting rejection has always been hard for me, and it is not something you can change by continuous reading.

I feel KO is somewhat like people who have become millionaires: you can never get enough once you're at it. Always room for more and more and more... until you realize that more isn't always more. Doesn't matter if it's your happiness levels or you blowing your mind with article after article or video after video.

It's time for me to fly off the nest that leads to KO. And instead I shall explore the world with my own two eyes, a more curious and open mind, my own thought-out belief system and set of values + get my own experiences. Life is too short anyway. We have a beautiful world to create beautiful memories in.

For how many of us can honestly say that we have fond memories of all the advice which we have studied for... weeks? Months? Or even years???

I thought so.

I just asked myself the same question. It's QUITE depressing to realize how much of a time-sink it has been. Let it really sink in... and see for yourself. The result is not pretty. All that time, simply wasted in front a screen because I thought more theory is better for practice. But it's not.

If questions like "How could I have spent that precious time better?" or "How can I perhaps avoid this in the future?" aren't popping into your head right now, I guess you belong in two categories: either you're not the audience I'm aiming for (= you're not trapped in KO), or you are EXACTLY the audience I'm aiming for (= you don't realize you're trapped in KO).

So what am I suggesting?

Hah, I'm not giving any advice - unless you read between the lines

I'm not saying I myself will dismiss all this great content completely - which is kind of ironic when you consider the source that taught me about swinging from one extreme to the other is bad! However, I'm starting to believe that it will have the most impact when I need it, not randomly. And thus, I'll try that out.

I hope others will share their experiences and knowledge about going into KO as it is not a topic I've studied myself. Which patterns to be aware of. Who is more receptive to do this kind of behavior. Do we just need to reach this stage in our journey eventually. Etc. Anything will help!

 

[Hue]

I'm totally guilty of this too.

It got to the point where I wouldn't study my classwork / do my homework because I would spend HOURS of my day navigating through the boards in order to find the best of the best in all this self-improvement and dating. Not exactly productive.

The result is getting so caught up in the theoretical side of some of this shit, you lose time you could have spent elsewhere or just simply putting the advice into practice - not to mention over analyzing one concept and allowing one idea to override and neglect some fundamental ones. I think that's why the e-books are set up in a way that you get a couple great articles to understand a skill or concept, and then you're given a homework assignment for that day. You get your good fill of GC theory in, and then you actually learn and internalize it by adapting your behaviors to it. Simple.

I think part of it (at least for me) may even be an anxiety to be totally prepared when facing a potential social dynamic leading to over analysis.

Unless you're incredibly smart and the type of learner who can just simply read something, visualize it, internalize it, and naturally apply it thereafter, it makes WAY more sense to just try shit out one concept / technique / area of growth at a time. That way you actually see the results instead of making massive appraisal of all the advice out there. It's how you know what works for you and your specific type of game / aspirations.

I'm glad you posted this, definitely an important concept to understand before passionate obsession becomes counter-intuitive.


Hueman

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

This is how i coach my clients.

One. Step. At. A. Time.

What's your problem RIGHT NOW? Fix THAT.

Don't start thinking about, "What am I going to do when...."

What are your issues NOW?

Hector

 

[Lover]

It got to the point where I wouldn't study my classwork / do my homework because I would spend HOURS of my day navigating through the boards in order to find the best of the best in all this self-improvement and dating. Not exactly productive.

He he, I did that a lot when I found GC =) And only got 3-4 hours sleep at night for a long stretch of time. Whooops. It was easier once I moved out.

Unless you're incredibly smart and the type of learner who can just simply read something, visualize it, internalize it, and naturally apply it thereafter, it makes WAY more sense to just try shit out one concept / technique / area of growth at a time. That way you actually see the results instead of making massive appraisal of all the advice out there. It's how you know what works for you and your specific type of game / aspirations.

I'm glad you posted this, definitely an important concept to understand before passionate obsession becomes counter-intuitive.

I used to be of the opposite opinion: that you should ingest as much advice as possible because you never knew what would happen. Right now, I agree with you completely and for the same reasons. The next step is to read advice in this manner.

Glad I posted it to see others' experience with this! Sometimes, self-improvement is about looking at how and why you are doing the things you do. What do they call this? Metacognition?

Don't start thinking about, "What am I going to do when...."

What are your issues NOW?

Exactly. It's so tempting to read advice while thinking you need it at this very point when you don't.

Have you perhaps noticed any patterns in your clients? Why they do this? What kind of personality they have?

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Have you perhaps noticed any patterns in your clients? Why they do this? What kind of personality they have?

It's a way to avoid dealing with what's in front of you. They misidentify the true issue, because that would mean actually changing and instead attribute their mistakes to something external to them or something that they aren't actually doing wrong. Whether it's ignorance (i.e., not recognizing the real problem) or deflection (i.e., problem avoidance) depends on their personality. if they're newer, it's usually the latter. If they're good, it's usually the former.

Hector

 

[Yhaceed]

There's a lot of members here that are going out and don't have time to be on the boards or even reading lots more articles. They're seeing things firsthand and I've seen a couple things too lately. Yet reading about it didn't really help me when the time came. Off the top of my head I'm thinking about abundance mentality. I found out firsthand I've passed up more than one opportunity because I need to slow down. But you won't get it reading an article. But watch someone wonder why you treat them "wrongly" and you start to feel their pain and not want to do the same thing with someone else. Anyway I digress. I better get going. Need to cold approach.


~Yhaceed