Initiating too much kino/initiating too quickly on dates?

[NeverStop]

The last few weeks I’ve enjoyed my time with a Chinese girl I was seeing but its came to an end. Before her I had been sleeping with two dates from tinder and bumble and since then I’ve had another two dates (not including when I was seeing the Chinese girl) making five dates I’ve had since the Indian girl I was seeing who was great in bed five weeks ago. In these last five dates I’ve managed to get two back to my place, I’ve had good kisses from three but I’ve not managed to sleep with any of these and I have not managed to arrange a second date with any (pending on one of my dates coming back from holiday). I am starting to become concerned.

On my last three dates whilst we’ve still been in the bar, at high points I have been trying/experimenting to escalate with kino - hugged, held hands, rubbed thighs and went for kisses. I generally start this around 30-40 mins into the date. I haven’t done much kino on previous dates. These don’t seem to be aggravating or received negatively but they don’t feel reciprocated and I think they are affecting my chances of when I ask back to mine and creating second dates. I don’t suggest anything sexual or make any sexual innuendo comments in my conversations. My conversation is always received well and we would talk for hours if I continued it. If my kino is affecting these dates is there something more wrong with my fundamentals? By all accounts my dates enjoy my conversation a lot, try to continue the conversation if I am quiet, laugh and want to get to know me. The two dates I took back to mine I tried to escalate a lot and I know this was too much, but for the other three dates; Can my calibration of using casual kino be so off putting even when the dates are enjoying themselves they will continue the date but not want to take things further?

 

[BigS]

NeverStop,

I have seen very experienced guys on this forum go through a kind of 'diagnostic' process with issues that are posted here, which I believe you are looking for.

To recap, you are escalating sexually on dates and you do not feel like you are getting the reaction that you expect to get.

Here is my suggestion: this seems unnatural to you and "a big deal", therefore, you are showing to the girls subconsciously (either through body language or vocal tonality) that what you are doing is a bid deal. The girls are following your lead and perceiving sexual escalation as a big deal (because you did and girls follow your lead --welcome to seduction).

This makes them less open to sex because girls like when sex "just happens". They also want to see you as an experienced lover because girls do not like being taken to bed and then disappointed sexually.

My advice actually has nothing to do with "game". I would develop some sort of meditation practice where you are able to remain in the present moment during dates. I do something called mindfulness.

Lets say you start using this. When you see an escalation window on a date, which you are probably identifying correctly, a thought pops into your head:

This is an escalation window, NeverStop!!! Make your move!!!

However, when this thought pops into your head using a present moment meditation like mindfulness, you act on this thought less aggressively and less unnaturally.

You see the thought and act on it calmly (if you so choose) like its "no big deal".

You and I are not having an actual conversation, so I cant see how open you are to this idea.

It would help me to know how open you are to this.

Best,

BigS

 

[NeverStop]

Its a good idea to try mindfulness to make my escalations seem more natural, there are so many other factors. It may be I can't match their needs when building a connection from my career and social circle as I recently moved to a new city and don't have the same connections. Do you think this may contribute?

 

[BigS]

Neverstop,

Another thread that I am hearing from you is that you are trying to lead girls into a sexual frame. I am not great at dominantly leading girls, but that is essentially what you are doing with escalating. You are telling them "I think this date would be more fun if it was more sexual--trust me and follow my lead."

Some things you could work on could be to have a leadership mindset with girls, and practice getting small acts of compliance with them before they follow your lead with sexual escalation.

If you aren't familiar with the concept of compliance I would read up on that--just google "compliance girls chase." Something I have been using to hone my leadership skills are to meet girls during the day, ask what they're doing right now, and lead them towards doing something completely different like a date.

It may be I can't match their needs when building a connection from my career and social circle as I recently moved to a new city and don't have the same connections. Do you think this may contribute?

I think this could contribute to your percieved ability to lead the date because going into a date you need a logistical plan: how do I get her from here into the bedroom?

To do so you unfortunately need to know the geography of the area. One thing you could do if you have time would be to go to the date spot earlier in the day/days ahead, and plan the route:

Walk to the first date location, then walk towards the location where the bedroom is and see what things are along that path. You can use these intermediate locations as a way to slowly bring the girl back to the bedroom.

Hope this helps,

BigS

 

[Fuck This]

I've found that Push - Pull applies to Kino as well. If you are always pushing they don't value it as much.

Think of Kino as a reward once it is accepted. Ramp it up as it is reciprocated.

When a woman sees you hi fiving your guy friends, she's gonna crave a physical signal of affection subconciously.
Don't neglect platonic Kino. Offer her your elbow as you accompany/lead her. Let her touch your hand and arm. use your hand as a map and indicate object's positions as you relate a story. If she feels comfortable touchong you to indicate somethings position it is an innocent act of kino. One of the reasons palm reading was an old PUA trick.

Also people are either touchy people or not. Know your audience. I've got a female friend who will walk up behind me and run her fingers up and down my back. If she saw the raging hard on that gave me she might be more than a friend...
Also the women in my circle make it a point to give me hugs. I think being 6'1" and having a 46 inch chest makes me "the most huggable guy" according to what they have told me. I'll use that to my advantage
When you set that precedent it becomes much less of a big deal. When someone pulls back you notice it. But more often, people are drawn closer. Have open body language that invites kino.

Don't neglect Eye contact. It is like Kino from a distance. If someone holds eye contact, you can be pretty sure they will be receptive to kino once close. And too it can be uncomfortable if over or mis-applied.