Interesting Situation - She started dating someone

[SlyGuy]

So I have been hooking up with this girl for almost three months alone, and I've not hooked up with any other girl. Near the beginning of this there was an incident where I almost hooked up with a previous fwb but she was on her period so I took her home and called this girl, lets call her Jane. So Jane and I have been hooking up but we've also been spending a lot of time together because, take this in, she's my next door neighbor. She's been pressing really hard for me to get into a relationship with her but, even though I'm not seeing anyone else, resisted to keep my freedom and options open. I know I should be out meeting new girls but as most men know it's not the easiest thing to always be pushing yourself too do. Well about three weeks ago she gets asked out on a date by this one guy and she texts me asking if I care if she goes or not. I actually had plans to chill with that girl I previously mentioned so I practically just ignored the question, and she goes out on the date. My other girl flaked and when she got home from her 'date' she comes over and we hook up. Now three weeks later her and that boy have gotten fairly serious, they haven't had sex yet but they've gone on plenty of dates and she's really starting to like him. I hear most of this from my sister, lol, whos really good friends with her. She doesn't really talk to me about him. So anyways last night she comes over and we're 'chilling' and I get on top of her and kind of start trying to seduce her, like I have a million times before, except this time she says "what are you doing? trying to seduce me?" and I said something dumb like "you wish.." and then she was like "stop its not working" and I didn't really feel like persisting very hard because she was fairly adamant about it and I know that her and that other guy are practically offiacally dating. Anyways she wants to hang out tonight, probably to tell me that her and that guy are officially dating, and I was wondering if I should just ignore her, or have her come over and try and seduce her again, (btw last night was the first time she's ever resisted like that and I succumbed, I'm curious how you guys think that affected her feelings), or if I should just drop her and be on the prowl for the next girl. I'm not overly experienced with getting women, I've only had sex with four, but I do want to get better. I actually did start to develop some feelings for this girl and I have considered making things between us more exclusive, but at this point I think it's probably better for both of us if I let her go off with that one guy and be happy with that while I start looking for another girl.

Think I should try anything with her tonight?

 

[Franco]

SlyGuy,

It sounds like it's time to either make things exclusive with this girl or completely cut ties with her. She was probably initially seeing this guy to try to make you jealous and make you succumb to a relationship, and she's getting very annoyed that it's not working. It's gotten to the point where she's trying to withhold sex from you in order to get what she wants.

If she's still seeing you at your place, then it means she obviously still has feelings for you. She's probably still hoping that she can tie you down, but eventually she'll realize she can't, and she'll either start drama or cut it off with you. So you need to be the one to decide if you want to keep seeing her exclusively or if you want to let her go. It sounds to me like letting her go is the right option, however, based on the fact that it seems like you're interested in meeting and improving your skills with other women. If you can't give her exclusivity (which is what she obviously wants), then it's only fair to her to let her go so she isn't trapped emotionally the way she is now.

If you want to be single, then since she is your neighbor, I would probably sit her down and just have a talk with her. Let her know that you've given it some thought, and you really feel like you're just not at a point in your life right now where you want to be in a relationship, and you understand that she is looking for something more serious. Let her know that you understand if she needs time away from you, but if she needs anything, then you'll be there for her.

She probably won't take it easily (depending on her personality), but just remain emotionally calm and don't overreact to anything she does.

This would be my advice; hope it helps!

- Franco

 

[SlyGuy]

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post Franco, and I greatly appreciate your insight. Tonight I will sit down with her and tell her that I can't give her what she wants and it is best if we go our separate ways.

 

[SlyGuy]

When would you consider becoming exclusive with a girl?

 

[Franco]

When would you consider becoming exclusive with a girl?

When the following conditions exist:

• 1) You're with her because you want to be with her and not because you're not confident in your ability to have other viable options. You should know within 5-10 minutes of talking to a girl whether or not she is someone you can probably connect with over a long-term period. Or at the very least, you should know by the end of a first date.
  
  2) She starts pushing for exclusivity and asking about whether or not you're interested in having a girlfriend. As far as timing goes, it's better to let her be the one to bring up the topic. The more she feels like she has to work hard to pull you out of "bachelor mode" and tie you down into a relationship, the more she'll actually treasure you and respect you when she finally does. The nice thing about letting her be the one to bring it up is that you don't even have to think about when it should happen! Instead, you just let it come to you.

- Franco

 

[SlyGuy]

This post is so I can try to piece my thoughts together and hopefully to get some thoughts from an outsiders perspective.
If you read all of this, thanks for your time and I appreciate any response.
This probably should've been ended by now, but sometimes I catch myself 'tripping' over this girl. So she came over that night, 'to talk', and I was going to say something but we ended up just having sex again, nothing new. Well a few days past and we don't see eachother and hardly speak together, and she's mostly hanging out with her new boy, who's now facebook officially her boyfriend. Im not really thinking about her much and focusing on moving on. Well yesterday she really wants to hang out with me, and I feel like she only wants to hang out with me to tell me about her being official with this new guy. Well I kind of just ignore her all day but ended up texting her at night and had her sneak out that night and come over. I don't really make any moves on her because I know she's officially with this guy so we're kind of just chilling(laying next to each other on my bed), and then she says "I should go home soon" and to my surprise kisses me. So I make out with her a couple times but I don't really press hard and she ends up leaving like 20 minutes later, and also mentions something about "being on her period" which I think is bullshit and she just said that because she was obviously turned on but decided to go home.
Well anyways she texts me this morning saying "Good morning" and I respond back a little later "Good morning, how are you?" and then she just doesn't respond all day.
I honestly don't know how I feel about this girl. I actually do like spending time with her, and I've considered making things exclusive if she were to bring it up again. But she brought it up at least a few times in the past and I always ignored it or put it off. At this point she probably has no reason or motivation to bring it up again. I really want to message her again, because I feel like I do like this girl.. But part of me also feels like maybe she just grew on me because we hung out so much.
I know this is more of a question I need to ask myself, but do you think I would not be happy if I made things between us exclusive?
Also is there a way to make things exclusive at this point, and still hold the upper hand? At this point it seems like we're fairly done, and my guess is the only thing giving me 'feelings' for this girl are the lack of control I have over this situation now.
Shes a really sweet, nice, pretty girl but she has her problems. Shes lied to me about silly things before, she still wishes the last guy she hooked up with would message her back, lalalala. I dont know why I'm tripping over her, I wish I wasn't, makes me wonder if I shouldve made things official between us. Or it really means I need to get off my lazy ass meet some new girls and forget about her crazy ass. Its honestly a hard decision, so thats why i typed it all out. I feel a little better now, but any thoughts you may have came up with while reading this would be appreciated, thanks.