Is casual sex not for me?

[GeneralFap]

I don't enjoy casual sex. Even with the times I've had sex with girls I've known for more than 5 years I still feel it's just pointless sex. After I'm done I just think "why didn't I just stay home and jack off?" I just feel like having sex with someone special like a girlfriend would be so much better. I'm a very introverted guy and I like developing special connections with the girls/people I meet. My best friend who I shared a ton in common with thinks pretty much the same as I do. When he used to have casual sex he said he used to feel "empty inside" and even melancholy. And mind you, he looks like freaking William Levy and can pretty much get any girl he wants, but he decided to get in an LTR a year ago and is now married. I myself have had some hot girls tell me to come over but I just think to myself "what's the point?" I'm starting to think that this lifestyle of pickup is not for me.

 

[Skid]

Pickup isn't just about having a million "one night stands" (on this site anyway). That's why there are articles on connection building , long term relationships here. Don't let anyone shame you for not being big on sleeping with a girl and never seeing her again. Just use the content that applies to your goals , yes you probably do have to sleep with some women which may result in one night stands and screw up abit before you can have a decent LTR I know for a fact you can't just jump straight into an LTR with a girl you really like - you have to build fundamentals and social skills and relationship skills so she (and you)can be happy in a relationship. If you're goal is to eventually meet a girl you can get married with then figure out what you need to do on a semi regular basis and work towards that that goal.

If your problem is not being attractive to women then work on your game and fundamentals (for anyone reading this that is at this stage like me you NEED to get experience and pickup is the fastest way in my experience) , but you do at some point say you have girls asking you to come over so that's not an issue. If you've screened them and they don't fit your requirements for an LTR just ignore them - and meet new girls. If you fail in some way to create an LTR with a girl you like then - meet new girls and try again over and over until you get there until you meet a girl you like that fits your requirements and you make it work. Just consume all the content on here that is about LTRs and test test test.

Good luck

Skid

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Lothario,

It sounds like you want to be in a provider role instead of lover. I think if you frame yourself that way with women you can develop relationships that are longer term. If the girls is asking you over to her place, change to place to more public and see how she reacts. My guess is something your are doing is making them see you as a lover instead of a provider.

Another possibility is that you have developed a reputation with the ladies as a awesome lover. Women are much more inclined to talk about their sexual experiences with their friends than men are. If you are in a situation where the women that are approaching you are in close proximity then you may have a rep. I am think somewhere like a co-ed college dorm or a hostel type situation.

Either way if you want a provider relationship then you need to start doing the provider things like in depth dating, paying for everything, being a protector, ect.

BDSC

 

[Franco]

Lothario,

I'll be honest, that's a tough mindset to have, and it sounds like you might have personal issues that need resolving before you can completely answer your own question. If you don't enjoy casual sex, you're going to have a hell of time being a man that women desire (especially for a long period of time).

In general, women are attracted to men who are attracted to sex. They want dirty, raunchy, masculine men who crave their bodies like no other -- they don't want emotional men who just want to talk about things all the time; they have girlfriends for that, and you have guy friends for that (should you need/want it).

If you want to run a successful relationship, you really need to have an appreciation for sex first because, if you don't, then it will show when you're with a girl you really like, and she'll be more likely to see you as "less" of a man than the guy who really craves and enjoys sex with her.

Now, it could be that you feel like you are this type of man with the right girl, but years of experience has mostly shown me that the guys who are the most desired by women are also the ones who love sex. You want to make it the girl's job to try to get you to stop having sex with other women, and only giving your amazing sex to her.

Keep in mind: the way to a woman's heart is through her vagina. If you don't love vaginas, you're not going to be winning many hearts (and thus have a lack of abundance).

- Franco

 

[Richard]

The beautiful thing about GirlsChase is that nearly everybody has unique experiences to share with one another and you likely cannot ask a question where somebody experienced has no personal understanding of the question and this is no different because I was a lot like you when I started out. The first time I had sex was with a girl I was absolutely in love with and so I came to understand that sex was meant only for people who loved each other and shared a connection.

As I approached more and more, got more numbers, I was having casual sex with women while it felt pretty empty for me. I'm sure many of the older members remember my days where I was against casual sex. But, as Drexel said, things change as time goes on and after a brief relationship with an amazing girl my mindset on casual sex changed and I realized that I could have a connection with women while still being uncommitted to them and women understood that as well.

Basically, I found comfort in knowing that what I was doing was giving women amazing memories and setting the standard for what their sexual and romantic lives should be. Women have thanked me for allowing them to feel like real women, and women have lustily thanked me for allowing them to let their hair down and be at the peak of their sexual high without judgement. Men like this are rare, and women are very thankful and happy when a man like this comes along.

Women enjoy amazing sex and you're not doing your part as a man by refusing to give it to them. It's an insult to her to withhold great sex from her when you don't know when the last time she had sex was, or when the last time a man made her feel like a woman was. The connection comes as a result of this and the best girlfriends you will ever have are those girls who started off as casual sex partners.

Again, I used to be just like you, and I was disgusted at the thought of having casual sex... but persisting through it and meeting many women opened up my eyes to what they wanted in their world and the best way I can sum it up is when a girl told me this: "It's okay to want some pussy, it's okay to want sex. I just want some dick and nothing else."

-Richard

 

[ray_zorse]

+1 Richard and Franco.

One thing that can make casual sex a lot better is if you're really good at it, I had to accept this year, that even though I was having a lot of sex (and making women very happy, who didn't know any better) I was not really all that good at it. Progress is still really incremental, I still haven't given my gf a vaginal orgasm by destroying her snatch in adapted missionary but I am getting closer and closer and she REALLY appreciates it. So I guess what I'm getting at is (a) sex is a skill that you have to perfect with lots of casual partbers so you can be the guy you want to be when you meet that SPECIAL girl you desire (b) it won't feel like casual sex if she is truly transported with ecstasy... in fact if you do it right she will fall in love with you on the spot. I experienced that this year -- took my girl (not my gf, another one) out for breakfast after an awesome sex session the night before in which I had dominated the fuck out or her, slapped her and tied her hands behind her back, spanked her made her say stuff like "I am a slut and I want to be fucked" and "please punish me for being a slut", well even though I was flirting hardcore with the waitress my girl was just sitting there gazing at me with stars in her eyes, literally in a trance from the night before, simply awestruck... girls NEVER meet the kind of guy GC teaches you to be. Casual sex used right is VERY POWERFUL and based on your complaint of it feeling meaningless I suspect you aren't doing it right!

Ray