- Joined
- Dec 2, 2015
- Messages
- 2
Gi, Guys! First off, I would like to say great thanks to Chase and the other contributors to the site and the forum. The content here is truly insightful and like nothing I happened to read before in this area.
There is a the situation I'm in need of advice on. But first, a quick recap, which you can skip and go straight to the question at hand in the end of the message.
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In June I've been in a LTR with the girl for one year when she decided to break up with me. It all started off really beautifully, as the girl was head over heels in love with me, whereas I did exactly as GC suggests to start a relationship (without knowing it back then). Then things went south for a number of diverse reasons. We both were going through a hard time of our lives. She lost her roommate and was forced to work harder in order to pay the apartment rent, while taking education at the same time. I, on the other hand, got seriously sick and depressed. At the same time, the connection between us started to erode, as we were arguing over topics both relevant and irrelevant to our relationship.
As the result, she broke up with me. After we discussed what was wrong though, she began to second-guess her decision, and I was no longer sure to stay with her too. We agreed to put the relationship on hold, so both of us could make up their minds. We've been meeting occasionally during the next four months (first completely platonically, then kissing and hugging started), and I admit to be kinda needy and chasing after her during that time (never gone crazy though).
We had sex on two separate occasions, and the last time she came over, she said, that we're finally done with the relationship, but she didn't mind casual sex. After some persuasion on my part I said, that yes, she can come over if she wants to, but the ball's in her court from now on. She immediately proposed to hook up a week later, only to flake on the day of the date. That's when I got really pissed off and disengaged completely without giving her a reason. I was never the first to send her a message during the next 6 weeks, and replied to her texts ("How is in going?" stuff mostly) rather dismissively.
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I poked her via text once. In response she immediately proposed to come over to my place, but then never chose a specific day later down the conversation. She texted me a week later to ask some ridiculously obvious question on a neutral topic, after which I invited her to come over myself. She was elusive ("dunno when, got no time"), while being pretty warm. I told her politely, that now it's really time to put up or shut up. She panicked, tried to assure me, that she wanted to meet, but still wouldn't give a specific date. After that I stated, that I really don't believe, that she really wanted to come, my invitation was hereby cancelled, and she better stop playing games with me.
At that point I honestly thought, that we're done for good. And now comes the funniest part of it all. I called her a few days later to wish a happy birthday! Why would I do that? Only to show, that I'm not doing anything out of bitterness, and my assessment of the situation was completely cold-minded. The reception was shockingly warm, with sexy voice, and carefully paced words and anticipation I never heard from her in a long time. The call was brief, and I was the first to hang up.
And here I am, second-guessing myself once again. Overall, the situation seems pretty ugly and cutting the girl off for good still seems to be the best course of action here. What bothers me is the possibility, that rather than being genuinely uninterested or manipulative, the girl is just being stubborn, or auto-rejecting hard, or trying to have the the upper hand in the relationship. If it is indeed a struggle between us both trying to force each to chase, it has now reached a stalemate. My gut feeling tells me to let her cool her heels once more for at least a week or two, but I've run out of ideas on what to do next.
What's your take on the situation, guys?
There is a the situation I'm in need of advice on. But first, a quick recap, which you can skip and go straight to the question at hand in the end of the message.
---
In June I've been in a LTR with the girl for one year when she decided to break up with me. It all started off really beautifully, as the girl was head over heels in love with me, whereas I did exactly as GC suggests to start a relationship (without knowing it back then). Then things went south for a number of diverse reasons. We both were going through a hard time of our lives. She lost her roommate and was forced to work harder in order to pay the apartment rent, while taking education at the same time. I, on the other hand, got seriously sick and depressed. At the same time, the connection between us started to erode, as we were arguing over topics both relevant and irrelevant to our relationship.
As the result, she broke up with me. After we discussed what was wrong though, she began to second-guess her decision, and I was no longer sure to stay with her too. We agreed to put the relationship on hold, so both of us could make up their minds. We've been meeting occasionally during the next four months (first completely platonically, then kissing and hugging started), and I admit to be kinda needy and chasing after her during that time (never gone crazy though).
We had sex on two separate occasions, and the last time she came over, she said, that we're finally done with the relationship, but she didn't mind casual sex. After some persuasion on my part I said, that yes, she can come over if she wants to, but the ball's in her court from now on. She immediately proposed to hook up a week later, only to flake on the day of the date. That's when I got really pissed off and disengaged completely without giving her a reason. I was never the first to send her a message during the next 6 weeks, and replied to her texts ("How is in going?" stuff mostly) rather dismissively.
---
I poked her via text once. In response she immediately proposed to come over to my place, but then never chose a specific day later down the conversation. She texted me a week later to ask some ridiculously obvious question on a neutral topic, after which I invited her to come over myself. She was elusive ("dunno when, got no time"), while being pretty warm. I told her politely, that now it's really time to put up or shut up. She panicked, tried to assure me, that she wanted to meet, but still wouldn't give a specific date. After that I stated, that I really don't believe, that she really wanted to come, my invitation was hereby cancelled, and she better stop playing games with me.
At that point I honestly thought, that we're done for good. And now comes the funniest part of it all. I called her a few days later to wish a happy birthday! Why would I do that? Only to show, that I'm not doing anything out of bitterness, and my assessment of the situation was completely cold-minded. The reception was shockingly warm, with sexy voice, and carefully paced words and anticipation I never heard from her in a long time. The call was brief, and I was the first to hang up.
And here I am, second-guessing myself once again. Overall, the situation seems pretty ugly and cutting the girl off for good still seems to be the best course of action here. What bothers me is the possibility, that rather than being genuinely uninterested or manipulative, the girl is just being stubborn, or auto-rejecting hard, or trying to have the the upper hand in the relationship. If it is indeed a struggle between us both trying to force each to chase, it has now reached a stalemate. My gut feeling tells me to let her cool her heels once more for at least a week or two, but I've run out of ideas on what to do next.
What's your take on the situation, guys?
