Is It a Good Idea To Push For a Date ASAP Every Single Time?

[Big Daddy]

Hey fellas,

Just comparing notes real quick.

In the past, I would try to schedule dates asap and put it at #1 priority e.g. I'd skip the gym to go on a date with zero guarantees of fucking someone. As time passed by, I got tired of this shit and I only go on dates I reckon I have a decent chance of pulling, especially if I feel she wants to go out and I can theoretically push the date further.

However, sometimes I wonder if I should go on a quick date with very low chances of pulling just to anchor the girl onto something and get some investment for a second date later, as I feel if you just postpone shit forever she will flake and ignore you.

As an example, I've been trying to take this girl out for a while. We were supposed to go out today, but she said it would have to be quick because she was busy but wanted to meet up... and I was shitting all over the place. I wasn't in the mood for dates and didn't feel good about my chances of pulling in a tight window, so right when I about to tell her I'd need to reschedule, she texts me saying that she's "really, really, really, sorry, feels so bad to cancel on me again but really wants to go out with me."

Fair enough, I suggest tomorrow but I'm not really confident my shits will have normalized until tomorrow and later tonight decide to postpone it again to Wednesday, and she suggests Friday as she has an exam on Thursday. I don't really like the idea of it being super far away, but she seems to be busy this week and Friday seems like a more pullable day, after her exam, etc.

But then she does something that I really hate: asks if I have Instagram and Facebook, and I work my way around it as I don't have any. But it's kinda like in a real date, where if you take too long to make a move they will start to question you leading abilities and then everything else. Running through memories quickly I can't remember an unlikely date that ended up in my bed. All of them had good logistics. But as I said, I want to compare notes.

If you have to risk one, do you prefer getting a date asap even with lower chances of pulling or risking a date later with theoretically better chances of happening?

(Please note that I have no way of knowing how her mood will be like, I'm just guesstimating on the limited information I have. What I do know is that I wasn't feeling like going out AT ALL and I never really fucked a girl after the 2nd date so I don't like throwing my dates away.)

 

[ProblemSolving]

As an example, I've been trying to take this girl out for a while. We were supposed to go out today, but she said it would have to be quick because she was busy but wanted to meet up

Not a good sign. Girls that are excited about you, make time for you. This girl ain't thirsty, but it could be a good learning experience for nothing else than to help identify girls that will waste your time.

Did you meet his girl from cold approach or from online? If she's from online, I'd set up a date ASAP even if it's just grabbing a coffee. Keep the date under an hour, talk, touch, then say you have to get going and get outta there. Schedule the next date with better logistics.

If she's from cold approach, then just figure out a time and place where you have to logistics to get laid. Time is not nearly as important because you have already met her face to face and she doesn't have hundreds of other guys hollering at her.

 

[Big Daddy]

Not a good sign. Girls that are excited about you, make time for you. This girl ain't thirsty, but it could be a good learning experience for nothing else than to help identify girls that will waste your time.

Great insight. In this case, though, I think she was very busy indeed. I even got the impression she tried to squeeze Monday in there just because we couldn't meet before. The fact that she took the time to write a 10-line, very elaborated text to let me know she wouldn't be able again but really wanted to meet me put me at ease, though I don't know if it should.

Another thing you pointed out that got me thinking is how I need to be more flexible with shit like this. Going for a coffee real quick because the girl had to leave would get me pissed mid-date as it happened, but then if I quickly try to set something up it's not a problem anymore and I got what I wanted.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Great insight. In this case, though, I think she was very busy indeed. I even got the impression she tried to squeeze Monday in there just because we couldn't meet before. The fact that she took the time to write a 10-line, very elaborated text to let me know she wouldn't be able again but really wanted to meet me put me at ease, though I don't know if it should.

It does depend on how much effort has been invested by both parties, and who knows, maybe she has a bunch of exams coming up. In that case, I wouldn't want to date either.

But go on the date if you can manage. Meeting a sex guy just isn't a high priority for this girl at the moment, but going on the date is the only way to prove it to yourself.

Another thing you pointed out that got me thinking is how I need to be more flexible with shit like this. Going for a coffee real quick because the girl had to leave would get me pissed mid-date as it happened, but then if I quickly try to set something up it's not a problem anymore and I got what I wanted.

Yeah, there is nothing wrong with grabbing a quick coffee with a girl, getting to know her a bit, then cutting it short because you have other stuff to do (or pretend to have other stuff to do). It makes the girl more comfortable with you, and because you kept it short, she doesn't get bored. The next day, you can often invite her straight over to your house for dinner and movies or whatever. If she balks at that, then just grab some food or drinks close to your house.

 

[Big Daddy]

I feel like I should open a dedicated thread to this, but since we're here already: have you ever had success throwing the ball into her court in situations like this when they flake for 2-3 times in a row?

In his latest newsletter, Chase talks about leaving a hook/making it easy for her to go after you if she wants like "hey, I want to go on a date, text me when you are not so busy anymore," but I never had success with that. I always get the "okay!" answer but they never actually follow up on it. And then I can't hit them again without looking like a bitch.

So while it sounds like a good idea, the success rate for me personally has been the same as the extremely hard push, which is very very close to none.

 

[Richard]

BD,

On top of what's already been said; try not to labor under the idea that there is ALWAYS a high-success rate play. As men, the only thing we can do is maximize our chances to have things go our way which, obviously, means a girls personal situation is a variable to consider.

Leaving a "hook" (as Chase pointed out) is still just maximizing your odds in a relatively barren situation; doesn't mean it's going to work a ton but that's because the situation is already dying and you're just giving yourself as much of a chance as the situation allows.

Just a quick something to think about.

One other thing - I'd venture to say you're running into this "date" wall because your game still needs some improvements (based on this and some other threads) because, as PS said, when girls are excited they make time for you. Generally, time apart causes a girls attraction for you to build and spike but that's only after you've given her great sex; prior to having sex with a girl you need to strike while the iron is hot so you need to push as fast as you're BOTH comfortable with.

So, this situation where you've been trying to get her out a few times really won't happen as you become more advanced.

-Richard

 

[Big Daddy]

Hey Rich,

Thanks for your input bud.

On top of what's already been said; try not to labor under the idea that there is ALWAYS a high-success rate play.

Yeah, I'll admit I've fallen prey to that idea... I'm kinda frustrated by the fact that if I lower my standards to what would be my normal quality of girls, I can get a pretty constant stream of girls given that I put in the work.

But lately, I've been trying to graduate from that to a type of girl that's a challenge I think it'd be fun for me to crack: popular, educated girls with rich(er) daddies from mid-sized towns. I think I blew every single girl like that I ever got a number from... while I can downgrade for a while to get me some pussy, I have barely zero incentives anymore as I'd rather go to the gym if I'm seeing a girl I'm not even that excited to see.

I'd venture to say you're running into this "date" wall because your game still needs some improvements

Oh, I don't doubt that for a second! I'm working on it, but I know that I need work in several areas still. I have too much on my plate to work heavily on my game for some time now, so I'm working on it as I go.

One thing that I've been thinking about after I saw a bald, bearded, jacked dude talk to a girl recently is if my image is aligned with the type of girl I'm trying to attract. He really seemed like a fucking badass.

I have long hair (that I wear in a bun 100% of the time), I don't have a very big frame, even if I packed a couple of pounds of muscle I wouldn't look that big (like Jason Momoa for example) and I don't have thick facial hair (only enough to fill the cheeks with some blank spots). So that probably gives a wrong impression of who I am to other people even though I like long hair.

 

[ProblemSolving]

have you ever had success throwing the ball into her court in situations like this when they flake for 2-3 times in a row?

Yeah, in instances where a girl flakes once, I leave it up to her to reschedule. If she's not excited about me, then I don't want to waste my time with her. I don't even bother texting them if they flake because in my mind, she just screened herself out. Meeting up with an uninterested girl just causes you to invest more while getting nothing in return.

Most guys have these crazy ideas that you can take a cold girl, and if you get her on a date or take her to bed, then she'll magically transform into a warm, sweet, girl that's pleasant to be around. FANTASY. Uninterested girls STAY uninterested and there could be a million reasons for her being this way, so it's not worth analyzing.