Is it normal to go through mini oneitus regularly?

[DoWhatWorks]

Been reflecting and looking at my journals these last couple of days and I noticed that every 2/3 months or so I find a girl that I'm REALLY into. It may be the experiences she has, how she looks or the way she carries herself. Typically all 3.

They've all been charming with a fair amount of "game" which is rarer amongst girls and made me feel like we had a connection that in hindsight wasn't mutually felt.

For whatever reason I mess it up or life gets in the way leading me to not get it to a level that I would have liked e.g. 1 date or 2 dates before it fizzles out or I sleep with her but don't hear from her again etc. When in fact I would of wanted was her as a high end MLTR.

Being honest most girls in this category were also on the "higher end" of what kind of girl I believe I can get. In terms of social class, education background looks etc.

I then feel low and distracted in my day to day life for 1 - 4 weeks. Even though I'm in a great spot with always 2-3 attractive girls in my rotation, fun social life and big goals that keep me motivated I can't help but feel effected by it. I've also slept with 40+ girls so the "Just meet new girls bro" line is redundant.

My theories are:

1. I'm the more emotional hopeless romantic type and after a while this will ease up - it already has compared to before
2. It's a new girl which is exciting and I just like the hunt which skews my excitement (for a significant number of girls I got over it quickly due to this)
3. It's a age thing - I'm 23 and self aware/ well read enough to observe that younger guys are just more emotional and less composed.
4. I need to increase the quality of my rotation which I'm avoiding as I need to focus my time on other priorities this year

Curious to hear your thoughts or advice!

 

[Protean]

Honestly DWW I don't think this is too big of an issue.

Describing girls you are really into as "mini oneitus" is a harsh way to frame things. Encountering women you get excited about it normal and you're doing better than 99% of guys by even approaching them, let alone sleeping with them.

The only thing that surprises me is how you feel down for up to a month. For me this disappointment period only lasts a few days, a week tops. I suspect how long this lasts is a function of your skill with women, your personality type, and how much you liked the girl.

If you suck with girls (which you obviously don't) you don't get many opportunities for intimacy so when your one shot fails, it's highly disappointing.

If you're more of a hopeless romantic, you tend to be more emotionally invested in any courtship. If you loose a girl it will sting a bit more than your more stone-cold peers.

And if you really really like a girl and lose her, any guy will tell you that it hurts far more than a girl you were just meh about.

So the discrepancy in our disappointment periods comes down to our personality types and how much you like these woman that prompted your post (you are more experienced dating wise). I'm more emotionally reserved so it takes a long time to open up emotionally, even to girls I really like. Also most girls in my area are not my preferred type so fucking up with them doesn't really move me emotionally.

More experience will naturally temper your hopeless romantic inclinations and you'll bounce back faster.

In the meantime this article from Chase describes what was doing unconsciously for the most part and will help you along. The article talks about not overly investing to the point of chasing women, but philosophy applies to emotional attachment as well.

Don’t Get Too Attached to a Girl Before the Sale

A few years ago, I wrote "Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Here's Why You Need to Meet More Girls" for all the guys out there going crazy over That One Special Girl. I've been there; I understand it. It's a tough place to be. I was reminded of one of the essential elements of this not long ago...

www.girlschase.com

Protean

 

[ulrich]

Yeah, pretty normal for a beginner.
It would be crap if no girl excites you.

Of course wanting something and not getting it feels like crap but it´s also a signal there is a challenge out there that you could overcome.

It´s a balance thing.
You don´t want those often but it´s human to feel like that every couple of years, I guess.

Also, don´t buy into those lame guys who say they can get hundreds of girls and feel absolutely no qualms on letting them go/getting rejected.
They´re either chronically dating down or deep in denial.

Go out and "date up"...become even better... it´s harder but the reward is worth it.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

@Protean Solid response and article link > Thank you it helped me put it all in perspective. I've been getting too invested after dates / sleeping with a girl and it's just an area to level up. Hell I used to get too invested when texting without having met the girl so it's all just part of the progression.

@uriel I didn't think of it like that! It's normal to feel like this if I have been pushing the bar and trying to date up. Which unconsciously is something I've been doing as my base levels needs are met and I don't go for the "easier less attractive" option like I would do a lot more in the past.